User:5noname5/The Religion game

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The Religion game was an popular American game show on GSN, running from 1989 to 1999. The game is well known for sparking huge controversies among the religious community, and almost being banned several times. Reruns are being showed sparingly. The show was created by well known capitalist money draining atheist, Mark Chapman, Co-founder of The International Community of United Religion Hating Atheists.

Overview

Rules

The game would feature a number of contestants, atheists or agnostics. They each picked a religion, and "The Wheel of Religion" was spun. Whichever religion it landed on, the person who picked that religion would go first.

That person would start out by being asked multiple choice questions about the religion he or she chose. If he or she answered wrong, they lost a point and would have to be blindfolded and throw a dart at a dart board with a number of Religions on it. Whichever Religion they hit, they would have to be exposed to that religions worship service while the next contestant went. If they missed entirely, they were scarified to a god or goddess of their choice.

A group of black supremacists sacrifice a contestant to the god of a small African religion, while the audience cheers wildly.

if they answered all the questions correctly, they would not only get all the points, but would be able to spin the wheel of Religion. The Religion that it landed on would determine how much money they got.

The game went until a contestant reached 30 points, then they all had to go into "Knockout Round". The person who got 30 points automatically won 500,000 dollars, and became the "God" of knockout round.

In Knockout round, each contestant chose a religion, one that if they won, they would have to be a part of that religion. Each contestant would have to answer questions in a certain amount of time. The three contestants that did the best were picked out, while the others were sacrificed to a god or goddess of the host's choice.

The "God" or, the person who obtained thirty points before, got to pick who became the winner. Whoever won got all their points converted into money, and they became stuck with the religion they picked at the beginning of Knockout round. He or she would then be showered with flowers by members of the religion, and forcibly carried off in a chariot made of the remains of the contestants sacrificed to gods or goddesses. The other two also get stuck with their religion, but they only get half the money they would have normally got.

In other words, the whole games a petty joke.

History

Harsh Beginnings

In 1987, Mark Chapman Co-founded The International Community of United Religion Hating Atheists, along with business partner James Lumberman. The goal of the Community was to "eradicate religion worldwide". However, few people even bothered to join the community. Even so, Mark focused so much on the community that he lost his regular job, and was forced to live as a hobo on the streets. His last hope was his partner, James Lumberman, to bail him out. However, Mark was outraged to find James at a Catholic church. The friendship was immediately terminated.

Forced to live on the streets with no friends whatsoever, Mark sought to find a way to destroy religion. However, one day, as he wondered through the streets aimlessly, he came across a young Atheist looking at a list of Religions. Disgusted, Mark asked him what he was doing. The man replied that he was tired of being an atheist and wanted to have a real faith, but he couldn't decide on which religion. However, once he decided on one he would make loads of money opening up a church.

This sparked Mark's imagination. If people profited so much out of religion, then why couldn't he? He then, after long consideration and planning, conceived The Religion Game. Other titles he had considered were Those Crazy Creationists!, and God so blatantly doesn't exist, so don't be offended by this cheaply produced game show! However, he had no idea how to get his game show on the air. He turned to his once business partner and current millionaire, James Lumberman. James had converted to Islam, and Mark found him worshiping at a mosque. He was initially reclusive to help add Mark's program on the air, but eventually, he managed to strike a deal with GSN.

However, Mark needed a host. But who? He himself wasn't going to do it. So, he asked his former ex-friend, James Lumberman, a devout Buddhist. James, irritated to the point of committing a dastardly crime, agreed, but only after being bribed with a lifetime supply of Twinkies.

The Religion game premiered to horrible reception. Critics called it "Just a way to profit off Religion," (To which Mark responded with a resounding duh! ) and "a terrible all around performance". James Lumberman, a modest Hindu, made several mistakes, including tripping and almost falling off stage at one point due to the mass amount of Twinkies he had consumed( James now, after the bribing,considered Twinkies, "the holy food of Shiva"). GSN even considered taking it off the air, however they were generous and decided to give it another chance.

Glory Years

God, after a strong debate with Mark Chapman as to whether it was a good idea to profit off people's belief in him, (Not Mark, God!) God finally ended the debate by mooning and subsequently goatseing the Religion game studio. Mark did not press charges.

Eventually The Religion Game caught on with viewers. Lumberman, a strong professor of his Jewish faith, became a house-hold name after redeeming himself from his disastrous start. As ratings soared, and critic's reviews became less harsh, the game started to take off as one of GSN's prime time programs. Mark Chapman, Meanwhile, stopped being an atheist and instead started his own religion, called bigbuck$ism, which critics called, "the number one religion of the millennium!" Which made Jesus extremely jealous.

Withering many attempts to ban the show by religious zealots, Mark began to focus less on the game show and more on his new religion. Unfortunately, Mark "fell" from the roof of of a twenty story building after being pushed by himself, a devout bigbuck$ist. A note was found at the scene.

Dear fellow bigbuck$ists. I died for your sins. I was the son of Chekalster. Now you will all go to heaven. Cheerio!"

His death only seemed to increase interest towards The Religion game and it's Taoist host, James Lumberman. James said quote, "I'm glad he died, and by my Sikhism faith He's going to reincarnate into a cockroach!"

The End

While on a "Religion Game Tour across America" James Lumberman was shot during a live broadcast of The Religion Game by the contestant, a devout bigbuck$ist. According to Rev. Mike Hawk, bigbuck$ists believed that he was the son of Satan, so they rejoiced greatly. He was rushed to the hospital, but they could not save him. His last words were, according to reliable news sources,"Heil Satan!"

Lumberman's funeral was held shortly after, with many other fellow members of his Wicca faith. On his tombstone were engraved the wise words, "Fuck you, Mark"

With his death, GSN rushed to find a new host to replace him. They hastily hired Donald L. Phelps of Topeka, Kansas, a member of the Westboro Baptist Church. His reign was hampered by his constant accusations of contestants being fags, and spreading WBC propaganda. His nail in the coffin came when he invited Fred Phelps on to the show as a special guest host. Fred instead used the public exposure to give his sermon. GSN, horrified, decided to just end the show abruptly.

The Religions

The Following are all of the religions featured in "The Religion game", in order of how much they are worth on the Wheel of Religion.

The Wheel of Religion, in Pie graph form. Notice how much the Jews control.

Scientology. Worth 1,000,000 dollars on the wheel of religion.

Christianity

Islam

Hinduism

Buddhism

Sikhism

Confucianism

Shinto

Judaism* Worth a single dollar.

*Judaism was originally worth more than Shinto and Confucianism , but due to Anti-Semitic protests and threats to start a second Spanish Inquisition, it was dropped to the lowest point.

Legacy

After being dropped from TV, there were attempts to revive it. The most notable is one that aired on FOX, lasting for the longest time, approximately 15 minutes before the KKK and radical Muslims stormed the stage. Eventually, the Religion Game act was passed, which decreed that nobody expects The Religion game, which doesn't exist, nobody can re-create the Religion game that doesn't exist, and nobody can care about the Religion game, which doesn't exist. Nobody then filed a lawsuit rejecting these claims.

Currently, there are smaller versions of The Religion Game running in foreign countries, nearly all of them being oppressed. The Canadian Religion game, for example, has been attacked several times by Buddhist monks threatening to burn themselves if the show continues to run. In one incident, the show caused an entire small African nation to be torn apart by a Communist revolution.

According to Mark Chapman's son, Johnny Chapman, his father's failure to rise from the dead after three days is "one thing that makes Jesus teh man" However, Bigbucki$m is still alive today in many different forms, including the U.S Government and Christianity. The new pope of Bigbucki$m, Rev. David Spatuna has stated,

"As long as we are continuously making money, are religion shall survive. We have faith in Chekalster, and His son, Mark Chapman Christ."

He has also made hints at the possible merger of Bigbucki$m and $cientology.