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Why?:Do a Pee Review

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14 January 2009

New to Uncyclopedia? Have you had a look around and are wondering what to do? Why bother with all the glory of writing your own articles and having them featured? Why make useful contributions to other articles or help in the fight against vandalism?

No. It's far more fun to beat other authors into the ground by telling them why their work sucks so much. Why not do a Pee Review, the last refuge of sexy cowards?

Benefits

The advantages to Peeing are wide and varied. For males, Pee Review can increase penis size, height, and even personal hygiene. For females improved breast shape along with better hair and more shoes are common side effects. (more...)

UnBooks:The Digital Divide

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15 January 2009

Alex is tearing though London, England against the division he has in society, and he uses primeval violence against those with highly advanced digital equipment which he lacks. Alex responds to this exclusion in real life and his rage is fueled by the highly advanced technology platforms which economics have hitherto prohibited his involvement.

As the Millennium approached two distinct factions appeared and Alex and his droogs became part of the 33.6K gang, which was in opposition to the Upper Baudrate Broadband Boys. Due to their use of cutting edge technologies and improved use of information the Broadband Boys won the day, although in later years they themselves would splinter into the terrorist organization, the ADSL and the Cable Yardies. It is in this background of conflict that the hoodlum Alex wages his campaign of violence against The Digital Divide. (more...)

Make Poverty History

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16 January 2009

Make Poverty History was a 2005 campaign launched by Bob "God" Geldof, its aim being to Make Poverty History. The campaign was unique in that it encouraged ordinary people to do something to make a difference to poverty by wearing a white band on their wrist where everyone could see it, so that everyone knew that they were committed to Making Poverty History.

Mission Statement

In December 2004, Geldof made a speech to launch Make Poverty History year. He was meant to wait until January, but was way too excited to keep quiet about it.

"I know that it won't be easy to Make Poverty History. It's not a trivial task - it takes all of us to stand up and say: "I want to do this!" But if enough of us do, then governments will listen. Maybe even the Guinness Book of Records will listen!"
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He went on to explain the concept of Make Poverty History:

"The history of poverty is filled with some really big events. Famines in Ethiopia. Floods in Bangladesh. Del Boy and Rodney from Only Fools and Horses. It's very difficult to measure precisely which of these is the most epic example of suffering. But one thing's for sure - we will come up with something that beats them all. Poverty History will be made!"
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He then left the podium to sell a selection of his CDs at the door. (more...)

Confession (Catholicism)

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17 January 2009

Confession of sins is an integral part of the Christian faith and practice. The meaning of the word confession, in a Catholic sense, is essentially the same as in the criminal. Confessional inquisitions operate in a similar way to the courts, during confession Believers are considered guilty, until proven exceptionally guilty. To save time penitents are encouraged to admit their 'vile lust of the flesh', 'drooling sin of the eyes', and 'limping pride of the phallus'. The penitent must admit these crimes so the priest may 'cure' them of their debauched animal desire with the bitter medicine of guilt. For these reasons confession of one's sins, or at least of one's sinfulness, is seen by most churches as a pre-requisite for becoming a Christian. (more...)

Jesus Christ, who brought that guitar?

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19 January 2009

This was looking like such a good evening - invited out by some friends to kick back and relax after a hard week at work, a few beers, a comedy DVD, some quality time to chill, right?

And then, from the corner of the room came a sound. A dreaded sound. The tortured changgg of a slightly out-of-tune guitar being lovingly stroked by someone whose ambition far outweighs their talent rang around the room, and as hearts sank in unison, the cry went up:

Jesus Christ, who brought that guitar?

You're looking at us in a confused way dude, but we all want to know: what the fuck is this all about? Dude, when did kicking back turn into sing-a-long night? (more...)

Category:My sojourn

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20 January 2009

Dude, I just can't take a fucking sojourn anywhere. Like, WTF?

So there I was

sitting in my fucking room, doing my Solid Snake thing with the Playstation and the dogs, right? Like, boring nerd shit.

and I fucking think

maybe I should take a sojourn, right? Like, to some badass place like Canada.

so I pulled out my

wallet and bought some plane tickets... and you know what happened? That's right. I nearly got raped by a fucking yak. (more...)