Tallinn 2020 Summer Olympics Bid

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Final logo for the Tallinn Olympics, made with Microsoft Paint in an internet café computer in ten minutes.

The city of Tallinn is bidding for the 2020 Summer Olympics. However, the details of this bid are few and far between. What little information is known comes from from the bid interview with Estonian Olympics Committee CEO[1]

Tallinn Stadium[edit | edit source]

"It's not full of beer! Trust me."

Basketball[edit | edit source]

Diving and Swimming[edit | edit source]

And he was right - nothing is there.

Cycling[edit | edit source]

Sailing[edit | edit source]

"A beautiful day near where the sailing will be held. For legal reasons, I can't show the actual harbor."

Other Events[edit | edit source]

Safety and Security[edit | edit source]

The CEO claims that "Tin Cans" in Estonia are called "Express Security"

Opening Show and Finale[edit | edit source]

Summary[edit | edit source]

Footnotes[edit | edit source]

  1. Due to a clerical error, the Estonian Olympics are being coordinated by the CEO of KärdlaFoam, an insulation and foam company from Kärdla, Estonia.
  2. see above footnote
  3. Further investigation has revealed that there is no "abandoned recreational center" anywhere near this street corner. In reality, this area is well within a residential zone of Tallinn.
  4. This magazine only existed from 1935-6, and the study he is referring to is likely not accurate anymore. This can not be confirmed, however, because the survey he cited was the last survey of any kind conducted in Estonia.
  5. Though traditionally very good at this particular sport, the Lithuanians were found to be using the banned substance calculus to conjure sadness.
  6. This show, notorious for its low production values, was a critically acclaimed midseason replacement which beat out dead air to be the number one program in Estonia for the 2 episodes it aired.
  7. As most Estonians do not use air conditioning, average yearly temperatures in Tallinn are 47°F, both indoors and out.