From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
A typical game of Stoneball.

Stoneball is a sport started in the depths of Estonia jungles when some of the natives didn't understand the concept of Soccer and taught it to be an constitution improvement ritual. As the ritual had an opposite effect they made it a sport that many brave tried and most failed after some scores with the head.

Despite Stoneball's traditional significance in Estonia, the sport will not be played in the Olympics should Estonia host the games in 2020.

Rules[edit | edit source]

Stoneball rules:

  1. Never touch the stone with hands except for the goalkeeper.
  2. The stone must kicked with foot or head in the opposing teams goal.
  3. Physical harm may be done any time but only to your self and to the other team.
  4. Goal keeper may use hands to propel or to block a stone.
  5. The ball must never touch the ground.
  6. It is advisable to kick the ball with your head.
  7. Never hurt your goalie except when he/she is getting on your nerves.

Stoneball measures: Training stone is 42kilos heavy and has many sharp edges and is in cube shape mostly. Tournament stone is 40kilos and is mostly round.

Protection: Training: T-shirt, wool socks, trousers of any cloth Tournament: Team signed-shirt, pants of any cloth.

Health benefits by Playing Stoneball[edit | edit source]

  • :Players skull thickness will increase an 3 inches or more.
  • :Strength increase.
  • :Bones and skin will harden

Down Sides[edit | edit source]

  • :Real threat to genital area.
  • :Thinking is some what dimmed.

Famous Players[edit | edit source]

The best and worldfamous Stoneball player of Estonia is Meelis Reiljan. He lives in Valga, which is considered the best place to deal with stoneball. Valga is a small part of the great Ilmatsalu city. As you, good reader, know is that Ilmatsalu has got big problems with crime. So a programm, which was started by Kalevipoeg long time ago, keeps children away from crime and making bad things. These youngsters have great oppurtunity to play stoneball. And the doctors of the local hospital are very happy because in the near of the stadium they always have something to do.

So... Meelis Reijan. He's the most talented stoneball player ever. After he got hit with a big stone, he was just like reborn, because before that moment he was very bad at it. Cause Meelis is very dumb, he is born to play stoneball. His awful technical skills and good heading skill are the specialities which make him the best in the world. Meelis has scored a lot of goals so that he doesn't have got a clue about them. he's called unpredictable. If he is not at the stoneball field, meelis likes to go to the woods and turn himself into an animal: he runs through the woods and screams and spits and smells badly. He doesn't wash himself at all. But he sells that shitty smell and buys food for his Tupsu (very unshaven dog).

Meelis has got a red opel calibra now and he drives around wasting his stupid life. Meelis has now a hobby: he likes to fuck himself off and to shit in his car, however, Meelis' car doesn't smell so shitty compared to Meelis himself. Finally, Meelis likes to blow his stupid dog off. Meelis got injured once and now he doesn't have balls at all. All I have to say about that silly fact is that Meelis likes the balls made of wood much more. Blah.