Pissed

Periodic Table of $#!% @$$ %&*@$ Better pissed off than pissed on

You may be looking for piss and not even know it!

“Today has been a load of shit.”

– Captain Feces

“No shit.”

– Captain Obvious

Pissed is one of numerous identified emotions of human beings. The emotion, which was first recognized and recorded in 1883 by sociologist Lester Frank Ward, a man who often struggled with his own bouts of being pissed, is considered to be one of the sole causes of history's greatest struggles such as war, famine, oppression, fascism, anime, and public television.

Ward identified "pissed" as a "really advanced form of angry." Like all breakthrough scientists, he felt it necessary to create a chart which better defined the levels of rage (to the right). This emotion can be dicribed as the compultion to punch kittens instead of huffing them. Unfortunately, all of Ward's attempts to get his works published, such as "What The Fuck Is Anger?" or "I'm So Pissed, But What Does It Mean To Be Pissed?" were in vain. The latter was actually published, but was a commercial failure. In fact, all of Ward's attempted publications had questions for titles. On a side note, Ward was sued for intellectual property theft by Jeopardy!™ ©. He wagered $12,000 and lost.

Ward's experiment

Ward (right) and his wife had a bitter marriage.

Stress, as observed in the Middle East. WARNING: Looking at this picture would be really evil if we told you who it was supposed to be. If you know, consider atonement by suicide now.

Being the empiricist that he was, Ward kept a very detailed yet private journal of his experiences throughout his life in an attempt to better understand the human response to social stimuli around him or her. Ward's primary stimuli were his nagging wife (Elizabeth "Lizzie" Caroline) and the rocks and plants he encountered during his career as both a botanist and a geologist. Oddly, Ward talks more about rocks and plants than his own wife. When, on rare occasions, he does mention his wife, it's usually in a negative tone, calling her such words as "ribald", "tail-peddler", and "dant" (these were all very, very bad words back then). He claims her to be an intolerable nagging hag who failed to cook anything that didn't resemble horse feces.

In retrospect, some have speculated that Ward's own animosity and anger is a result of his own troubled home-life. Historical evidence has proven that Liz Caroline was both a real bitch and a real hoe; putting up with her proved impossible, even for an acclaimed genius like Ward.

So where does his theory of "pissed" come from? It's highly believed that Ward based his theory of "pissed" on his own personal experiences. Being one of his later works, "pissed" actually comes from an interjection Ward exclaimed on what he called was "the worst day of my entire life since I was robbed by those midgets." On this day, Ward was reportedly fired from his job, mugged (not by midgets), and lost his car keys. At the end of the day, Ward returned home, only to have his wife questioned what the matter was. Upon hearing her voice, Ward urinated in his pants from anxiety, and replied, "PISSED!"

After the event, Ward adopted the word as his own little inside joke before submitting it to the scientific community.

Other definitions

Ward has also described pissed as "mad enough to kill a man and not feel remorse about it sometime later in life." While this is a broad and often misleading analogy, it hasn't been rejected by the scientific community.

In an 1884 dictionary, pissed is defined as "a form of rage which is absent of concern, regret, or confliction with other emotions; similar to hate, without the plausibility of epiphany." Ward made the following comment on the definition:

“ Yeah, that too. ”

Famous incidents

On a spectrum of emotions, love and hate are the two extremes. Pissed is somewhere beyond hate.

Throughout history, there have been many historical events which were influenced or directly caused by being pissed, some good, some bad.

• 4000 BC God creates the Earth, a guy, and a girl. Girl ... forbidden fruit ... God is pissed.
• 3900 BC Cain is pissed at Abel; kills him. God is seriously pissed.
• 3800 BC God is pissed at everyone but Noah. Dinosaurs are pissed drowned.
• 3200 BC Egyptians treat Jews as slaves. God (still pissed) sends Moses. Pharaoh's son dies; now he's pissed and chases the Jews to the Red Sea.
• 480 BC Xerxes attempts to take over Greece. SPARTAAAAAAAAAANs and other Greeks are pissed. Leonidas of Sparta gets the last laugh. Xerxes is pissed.
• 58 BC Julius Caesar gets pissed and decides to invade Gaul.
• 44 BC Several Roman Senators get pissed and conspire to kill Julius Caesar. They succeed but end up making a lot of other people pissed.
• 37 BC Augustus becomes pissed and sick of Marc Antony's shit, and decides to reconquer the Roman Empire.
• 36 AD Pontius Pilate has a bad day, and becomes pissed. Some important guy dies.
• 191 Dong Zhuo seizes the throne like a fatass, everyone gets pissed. Battle of Hulao Pass begins. More people get pissed. Lu Bu gets pissed. Dong Zhuo is assassinated by Lu Bu due to the pissing off of him.
• 476 Rome falls. Roman citizens are pissed.
• 769 Arabs are tired and pissed at having to chisel everything into rock and force the Chinese to introduce paper to the region.
• 1000 Earth has officially lasted 1000 years since the birth of that one guy who died in 36 AD. Everybody is absolutely pissed.
• 1111 The year 1111 is a year that can be read backwards and forwards, as well as upside down. This scares people. Some are pissed.
• 1492 Christopher Columbus "discovered" America. Native Americans are fucking pissed.
• 1666 Great Fire of London occurred. Everyone is pissed.
• 1775 The United States starts a revolution against Britain. Needless to say, King George III is pissed.
• 1789 The French start their own revolution, but are accused of being copy-cats. The French become pissed, but nothing happens.
• 1812 War of 1812 happens. Nobody is pissed, except for France who is still pissed about being called copy-cats.
• 1830 Everybody is pissed at their primitive tools and unfulfilling lives, so the Industrial Revolution starts in Britain.
• 1861 The South gets pissed and secedes. The American Civil War starts.
• 1865 Linclon is pwned in a theatre, people in the North is superpissed-off.
• 1912 A particular iceberg in the Northern Atlantic gets pissed, and the RMS Titanic sinks as a result.
• 1914 Archduke Franz Ferdinand gets his shit ruined. Apparently, this pissed some people off, and World War I starts.
• 1929 Great Depression strikes, Amercia and everywhere is pissed off.
• 1939 Germany is pissed. World War II starts.
• 1945 Atoms get pissed and decide to split. Two Japanese cities are wiped off the map as a result. No biggy.
• 1969 Earth sucks, America goes to the moon, Russia is pissed.
• 1980 Mark David Chapman is pissed at John Lennon and kills him. Many Beatles Fans are pissed. Some are not.
• 1997 Princess Diana dies. Everybody is permanently pissed at the paparazzi.
• 1998 Windows 98 is released. Consumers are pissed at the memory leaks.
• 2000 Earth survives another 1000 years. God is impressed, but "End of the World" theorists are pissed. So is Prince, because it's not 1999 anymore.
• 2001 The World Trade Center is destroyed. Americans are Uber-pissed.
• 2004 George Dubya Bush wins reelection in America. Americans are pissed.
• 2006 Windows Vista is released. Microsoft succeeds in making everyone on Earth pissed, even Bill Gates.
• 2011 Lamar Smith proposed the SOPA bill. Pirates are pissed, and started a riot.
• 2012 The Hub changed Derpy's voice and UnDerped her eyes. Everypony is pissed. At the same year, Whitney Huston dies of Sudden Instant Death Syndrome. All fans are pissed.
• 2026 You are reading this, and you are pissed.
• 2101 War was beginning, Japanese to English translators are pissed.

Sometimes angry and tired are synonymous.

See also

• Angry
• Mad
• Hate
• Love
• Sad
• Don't Get Mad, Get Glad!
• Envy
• Horny
• Happy Happy, Joy Joy