Racial profiling
(diff to penultimate friend request from someone you don't know).
“What colour is your daddy and what does he do?.”
“I am pro-racial profiling. But I am anti-sexuality profiling. *Cough* *Cough* John Douglas, 9th Marquess of Queensberry *Cough* *Cough*.”
“Racialprofiling.com doesn't care about black people.”
Racialprofiling.com is a website similar to MySpace, with the exception that it is intentionally designed for minorities, primarily blacks, muslims, and hispanics.
Racialprofiling.com is proudly owned and operated by the NSA.
Origins[edit | edit source]
In 2003, MySpace was founded, in secret, by the NSA for racial profiling; that is, a place for peoples of many diverse races[1] to come together over the wondrous internet and set up "profiles" for other users to observe and make careful note of. However, myspace did not work well for the NSA because, as soon as you could say "warrantless surveillance", 14-year old emo girls and their 60-year old mates soon flocked to this new, exciting internet playground. While this did aid the NSA in catching a few rogue pedophilic snatcher-men, it didn't last long, as those child-touching weirdos are a crafty bunch. "I admit, they're pretty sneaky," stated Lt. General Keith B. Alexander, 16th and current director of the NSA, "They hide amongst the shadows of the outer tubes of the interwebs. But we'll find them".
Shortly after this, the NSA quickly drew up blueprints for a second, better, and more nigger-filled website. Originally conceived as "MyNority", the name was soon changed to the one it goes by today.
Future Plans[edit | edit source]
Rumors have been spreading since Racialprofiling.com began that the NSA would create a spin-off website. Keith B. Alexander has stated that, should a similar website be made, it would be called "Gaycialprofiling.com", and that the only reason it hasn't already made was the fact that it hasn't yet been greenlit by congress due to "constitutional difficulties". When asked if the same "constitutional difficulties" affected Racialprofiling.com, Keith stated "No more questions".
A short independent film, The Racialprofiling.com Movie, is in production by Vendetta Studios and David Lehre Productions and is set to be released on Youtube.
KKK-Harmony.com[edit | edit source]
Now white singles have a special romance site of their own: KKK-Harmony.com. Guaranteed to find you the WHITE match or your money back (no questions asked, please don't lynch us). Only pure-blood White, Christians and straights can apply, we shall genetically test you for any Negroid or Jewish ancestry.
Features[edit | edit source]
Racialprofiling.com features many features, most of which are similar to features on MySpace.
User Profiles[edit | edit source]
Without profiles, Racialprofiling.com would just be Racial.com. Each user gets their own profile, which they can customize with HTML. However, it is a little-known fact that the average black or Hispanic person knows little to no HTML[2], so results are often messy[3].
Comments[edit | edit source]
Ah, yes. Comments. People go mad over the number of comments they have, and 25% of current Racialprofiling.com users claim that Comments are more addicting then heroin, and that they knew from personal experience, and that they admit to trafficking drugs[4]. The number of comments one has received has been said to correlate to penis size. And yes, because you thought that one perverse thought, the same applies to females. While comments aren't necessarily a big concern for black people, who receive tons of them automatically, other races have to really keep it up (no pun intended) to prove that they are manly men.
Example of a comment on a social network, one for interracial love:
From: SexiMujereColombiana
Subject: LatinaF4GringoM
Hola, Como Esta? Yo soy la solitera, 18 anos, muy la bella y calienta ;-)
From: RedneckWiteTrashBlucoller
Subject: Re: Hola, Como Esta?
You're an illegal immigrant. Speak English. Or better yet, go back to Mexico.
Bulletins[edit | edit source]
Like MySpace, Racialprofiling.com has bulletins that can be sent out to all of the user's friends. MySpace bulletins live about a week, then are devoured relentlessly and regardless of quality[5] into The Eternal Tongue of The Great Wolf of Death and Oblivion[6]. Also like MySpace, there are two main subtypes of bulletin: chain bulletins and "comment my picture!" bulletins. Originally, circa late 2005, chain bulletins had some sort of originality (ex. "WHAT COLOR SKITTEL ARE U???"[7], which required someone to choose what color skittle they were). But that died around the time of the infamous "Just Repost the Bulletin, Damn It!" bulletin, which killed the true masterpieces of bulletinship with its mass word-of-mouth marketability.
Groups[edit | edit source]
Groups are a chance for members to socialize with people within their own particular tastes, religion, skin color, etc. This is not discrimination, this is just bias. Because most people are too lazy to actually check if a certain group has been made yet, there are about 1,000 groups entitled "tru al-Q playas"[8] and nearly 10,000,000 Crips groups, about 5x as many as there are actual members of Racialprofiling.com. This leads to endlessly tedious "gang civil wars" in the forums. Sample dialogue from a typical crip fight:
~hyphy~:y'alls niggas aint no tru crips KILLA: U AINT GOT SHIT BITCH ANIT NO SUCH THANG AS A DOWN AZZ CRAB UZE ALL BITCHES ILL MERK YO WHOLE FAMILY RIP Mac Dre: lol....talk about a dumb fucc and watch u gonna write bkacc say'n fucc u or sum shyt lyke dat ni66a quicc try'n to act hard on da net shyt its fucc'n dumbk
At this point in an argument like this, typically, someone is shot nine times. That, or they switch to "yo mama" and/or "yo face" jokes, and the discussion slowly, painfully, and inevitably dies without much notice. As for the Al-Qaeda groups, most are typically put "under maintenance" by the NSA, and then disappear the next day.
Testimonies (Racial Profiling kinda works)[edit | edit source]
I found my girl of my dreams on RPdotcompute. She was a member of the Swedish Skins and I was in the White Camelia Knights of the Ku Klux Klan. But when we hitted off on the net, I learned she was a Pagan, speaks English not so well and was a Socialist. Then our relationship came to an abrupt end. - White American Racist boy, learns about the real world, what a reality check on how racial profiling is a false science.
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Excluding whites, for obvious reasons.
- ↑ Not to mention they don't exactly have a College degree in website layout, but that applies to most white people on MySpace, too.
- ↑ Meanwhile, the Muslims are either busy hacking the Pentagon's database or taking your job in Programming/Engineering.
- ↑ The day after the survey was conducted a quarter of Racialprofiling.com users
disappearedwere misplaced. - ↑ Not that there ever is any quality, though.
- ↑ Figuratively.
- ↑ Choices being black, brown, and not quite as brown. Not real skittle colors, actually.
- ↑ Or some variant thereof.
