Portal:Pregnancy

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Pregnancy portal
The home of sick abortion jokes, mpreg jokes, and other pregnancy related stuff on Uncyclopedia.
CATEGORIES:  Abortion - Birth - Erotica - Fetuses - Mpreg - Notable Preggos - UnNews  - All...
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File:Defrib_uterus.png
Circuit diagram of a possible hotwiring setup.
Uterus hotwiring is an experimental new technique developed by top reproductive surgeons to allow women who cannot conceive a chance at giving birth. This revolutionary new procedure is not only very expensive, but also not covered by most insurance policies, therefore putting the procedure out of reach of most people. However, this Crackpot Surgeon's Association (CSA)-approved guide will show you how to hotwire a uterus step-by-step using common household appliances and tools.

Preparation and planning Before any surgery, most doctors and surgeons will try to work out how they're going to do the surgery, what instruments they will need, whether or not the patient needs extra care, and what type of coffee they will drink before entering the operating room (and sometimes during the operation).  (more...)

Article Credit: Starnestommy View All
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Abortion • Baby farming • Birth • HowTo:Cook A Fetus • Mama Luigi • My Creepy Parents • Newt • Newtis Newtfield • Preggobear • UnNews:Pregnant women to be given £200 for weed • Uterus
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Dance Dance Revolution
Dance Dance Revolution
Breakdancing while pregnant is great for baby.
Image Credit: Hyperbole
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Did You Know...

… according to some theologians, being born again requires a coat hanger?
… abortions are euphoric?
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Antbortion • Vore • HowTo:Hotwire a Uterus • Born again • Ovum • Planned Parenthood • UnBooks:Backstreet Abortionist's Handbook • UnBooks:Where do babies come from? • Uncle John's Fetus Burgers and Abortion Clinic • HowTo:Deliver a Baby A Guide...
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From Dear Aunt Flow
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Anti-feminism ♀ Barbie ♀ Battle of the Sexes ♀ Biatch ♀ Birth control ♀ Bratz ♀ Call from Grandma ♀ Cameltoe ♀ Carmen Miranda Syndrome ♀ Cleavage ♀ Cunt ♀ Cuntbusting ♀ Damaged goods ♀ Denise Milani's breasts ♀ Economic Collapse Barbie™ ♀ Emotional rescue ♀ Estrogen Syndrome ♀ Female genital mutilation ♀ Feminazism ♀ Feminism ♀ Feminist Mars ♀ Flaming vagina ♀ Girl power ♀ Girl Scouts ♀ Grandmother paradox ♀ Gynecologist ♀ Hello Kitty ♀ History of Woman ♀ Holy Habits: Lingerie for Nuns ♀ Knowing ♀ Lady-Gardening ♀ Lesbian party ♀ Lipstick ♀ Maxipad ♀ Medieval gynecology ♀ Menopause ♀ Menstruation ♀ Minge ♀ Mother's Day ♀ Nun-Bunting ♀ Period ♀ Pregnancy ♀ Pussy ♀ Queef ♀ Shaved pussies ♀ Sideboob ♀ Slut shaming ♀ That time of the month ♀ Third-wave feminism ♀ Tits ♀ Types of women ♀ UnDebate:Should women rap? ♀ Unfomercials:Bulimic Barbee ♀ UnPoetia:Show Me Your Tits! ♀ UnPoetia:Unicorns ♀ Use a Coaster! ♀ Vaginitis ♀ Wedding ♀ Whatcha thinking about? ♀ Whose pussy is this? ♀ Why?:Divorce Is Good ♀ Wife OS ♀ Women's rights ♀ Women's suffrage
Womanuals:
A Brief History Of Hot Bitches In Leather Kicking Ass ♀ A Visit with your Psychopathic Grandmother ♀ Cunt cunt cunt cunt crap crap shit ♀ Girl Code ♀ HowTo:Be A Damsel In Distress ♀ HowTo:Handle Flashing Your Vagina in Public ♀ HowTo:Make Breakfast Dew (For Women) ♀ Newport Cigarettes because fuck yeah I'm drunk let's have some fun ♀ The Female Drivers' Guide to the Road (American Version) ♀ To the Lighthouse ♀ UnBooks:Bad Romance ♀ UnBooks:Insipid Sentimental Women's Novel ♀ UnBooks:Menstruation: A Guide For Men by Jack Black ♀ UnBooks:My Daddy Has Two Yachts ♀ UnBooks:Now That You Are Almost a Woman ♀ UnPoetia:Sweetheart ♀ UnScripts:Yes, I'm a lolita ♀ What a girl wants ♀ Why?:Do women study Women Studies Mystery? ♀ Why?:Have Humongous Breasts ♀ Why?:Should Women Vote
Women You Know:
A Tinge of Minge ♀ Amazons ♀ America's Sweetheart ♀ Anime chicks ♀ Attention Whore ♀ Big Beautiful Woman ♀ Big Mama ♀ Big Sister ♀ Bipolar Girl ♀ Bitch ♀ Blond ♀ Broad ♀ Cave women ♀ Chicks ♀ Cougar ♀ Crack whore ♀ Essex girl ♀ Ex-girlfriend ♀ Ex-wife ♀ Female ♀ Female friend ♀ Final Girl ♀ Future Cooking and Cleaning Ladies of America ♀ GILF ♀ Gilmore Girls ♀ Girl ♀ Girl you don't really care about ♀ Girlfriend ♀ Grandmother ♀ High school girls ♀ Hot Chick ♀ Housewife ♀ Intelligent women ♀ Jewish-American Princess ♀ Jewish Mothers ♀ Lesbian ♀ Little old lady ♀ Magical girl ♀ Married Women ♀ MILF ♀ Mother Earth ♀ Mother Nature ♀ Mother-in-law ♀ Mothers Against Noise ♀ My mommy ♀ Nun ♀ Old hippie chick who's always collecting money ♀ Photographer - Playboy Playmate - Queen Jane Approximately - S-shaped weather presenter ♀ Sane women ♀ Sausage Festival ♀ Schoolgirl ♀ She ♀ Soccer mom ♀ Suffragette ♀ Supermodel ♀ Tank Girl ♀ That Girl ♀ That old woman next door - That woman - The Babe Over There On The Right - The Fat Girl - The Girl Next Door - The Rentas - Ugly women ♀ Wife ♀ Wise Latina ♀ Women ♀ Women Drivers ♀ Women of the World ♀ Verizon Wireless girls ♀ VIP ♀ Your daughter ♀ Your Little Sister ♀ Your sister ♀ Your mom ♀ Yummy mummy
Women in the News
Bitches just won't shut up ♀ Canadian women must now wear horns ♀ CDC advocates female genital mutilation ♀ Cute Hotmail girl broke guy's heart ♀ Everybody loves your mom ♀ French Women Ditch Clothes and Wear The Censored Sign Only ♀ God Orders Global Women Recall ♀ International Women's Day - a plea ♀ Man finds G-Spot, experts baffled by discovery ♀ Ugly women are unwanted, study says ♀ Woman goes beserk after watching one too many inane feminine hygiene commercials ♀ Women are stupid, says study ♀ Women: the "superior sex" ♀ Your mom goes to college ♀ [more...]
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Manly Men Stuff
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Bonerism ♂ Booby prize ♂ Booby trap ♂ Brawny ♂ Bro Code ♂ Can I borrow 5 bucks? ♂ Castration ♂ Cock shock ♂ Erection ♂ Father issues ♂ Galactic bulge ♂ Guy Code ♂ Hetero ♂ History of Man ♂ International Rules Of Manhood ♂ Lawnmower-Humvee ♂ Limp Dick ♂ Lynx Cool Metal Shower Gel ♂ Male privilege ♂ Man ball ♂ Man flu ♂ Man scale ♂ Mancard ♂ Man's best friend  ♂ Manscaping ♂ Mantuition ♂ Masculism ♂ Men's rights movement ♂ Morning wood ♂ Pant Scrunching ♂ Penile suppressor ♂ Penis Enlargement Techniques ♂ My Penis ♂ Penis ♂ Price check ♂ Puppy dog tail ♂ Rocky Mountain Oysters ♂ Rules of the Men's Room ♂ Semen ♂ Seven ages of man ♂ Snips, snails and puppy dog tails ♂ Straight ♂ Testicles ♂ Things Women Didn't Need To Know About Men ♂ What's it to you?
Events & Places:
A Day With My Son ♂ Avenge my death ♂ Bart Simpson is sleeping with your wife ♂ Battle of the Bulge in my Pants ♂ Bra removal ♂ Burning Man ♂ Conversations With My Father ♂ Dick-sucking contest ♂ Gramp's Insane Ramblings ♂ I assume it's my penis ♂ Isle of Man ♂ High school: an essay by an old lonely man in a retirement home ♂ Panty raid ♂ Pen Island ♂ Penis jousting ♂ Penis removal ♂ Rob A Bank With Your Penis ♂ SPA ♂ Strip club ♂ Take Your Son To Work Day ♂ Teabag everything that moves
Further Reading:
HowTo:Be a Badass ♂ HowTo:Be A Dad ♂ HowTo:Be A Man ♂ HowTo:Be Macho ♂ HowTo:Become a wise old man ♂ HowTo:Fight the man ♂ HowTo:Find the Remote Control ♂ HowTo:Get a boner ♂ HowTo:Get Others to Do Your Work for You ♂ HowTo:Hold a Handbag Like a Man ♂ HowTo:Hug another man ♂ HowTo:Kick a man when he's down ♂ HowTo:Make a That's What She Said jokeHowTo:Make Breakfast Goo (For Men) ♂ HowTo:Stop Being a Nerd ♂ HowTo:Take It Easy, Man ♂ HowTo:Teach a six-legged lame man how to jump rope ♂ HowTo:Tell if your son is gay ♂ The Man: A Primer and Something of a Call to Action ♂ The Obese Man's Handbook ♂ UnBooks:A Story, About a Man, that Comes to an Eventual Conclusion ♂ UnBooks:The Old Man and LV ♂ UnPoetia:Antiphallus ♂ UnPoetia:I got hit with a bag of dicks just to prove a point ♂ UnPoetia:There once was a limerick... ♂ UnScripts:Man Struggles to Explain Anal Sex to Son ♂ UnScripts:Rain Man: The Musical ♂ UnScripts:The Best Man
Guides to Women:
Ex wife owners manual ♂ HowTo:Ask a girl out ♂ HowTo:Control Women ♂ HowTo:Date an Emo Girl ♂ HowTo:Find a girlfriend ♂ HowTo:Get Laid ♂ HowTo:Get Married ♂ HowTo:Hunt Interesting Exotic Dancer Conversation ♂ HowTo:Impress a Girl ♂ HowTo:Make girls like you ♂ HowTo:Make Girls Love You ♂ HowTo:Meet women ♂ HowTo:Pick Up a Nymphomaniac ♂ HowTo:Pick Up and Keep Women ♂ HowTo:Pick up chicks ♂ HowTo:Pick up female nerds ♂ HowTo:Run Away From Fat Ladies ♂ HowTo:Score a Chick ♂ HowTo:Stop Ugly Girls from Liking You ♂ HowTo:Survive a Girl Attack ♂ HowTo:Trick Women in 3 Easy Steps ♂ Picking up chicks ♂ The Useless Idiot's Guide to Girlfriends ♂ UnBooks:An 82 Year Old Woman Wants My Body! ♂ UnBooks:So, you woke up next to a hooker: a guide to general etiquette ♂ UnBooks:The Complete Idiot's Guide To Talking To Women ♂ UnBooks:The Idiot's Guide to Getting Your Own Back ♂ Wife OS ♂ Why?:You Will Never Have a Chance in Hell With Her
Men You Know:
A nice enough guy ♂ Army men ♂ Assquatch ♂ Biggus Dickus ♂ Bro ♂ Coors Light Presents: The American Man ♂ Creepy guy who lives across the street ♂ Dice Man ♂ Dirty Old Men ♂ Dude ♂ Emo Man ♂ Father ♂ First man on the sun ♂ G-Man ♂ Grandpa ♂ He-Man ♂ Husband ♂ Intelligent men ♂ Janitor Man ♂ Male ♂ Man Babies ♂ Man on the fire exit signs ♂ Metrosexual ♂ Old White Man ♂ Pac-Man ♂ Renaissance Man ♂ Rich guys who blow all their money on expensive whores ♂ Sir ♂ Sissy ♂ Some guy you've never heard of ♂ Swamp Adventure Amusement Park Ride Announcer Man ♂ That Guy ♂ The Man ♂ The Muffin Man ♂ The Music Man ♂ The old man down the street ♂ The Wolf Man ♂ This Guy ♂ TPS ♂ Weatherman ♂ What's-his-name off that thing ♂ Your Dad
Not Quite Men:
Boy ♂ Boy band ♂ Boy racer ♂ Boyfriend ♂ Ghetto White Boy Syndrome ♂ Joseph Stalin's Secret Jamaican Boys Fight Club Choir ♂ Little boy who lives down the street ♂ Marmite School for Boys and Young Gentlemen ♂ Pool Boy ♂ UnBooks:The Boy Who Cried Wolf ♂ UnPoetia:As a boy ♂ UnPoetia:Little Boy ♂ Vatican Boys Punishment Squad ♂ Virtual Boy ♂ Your Boyfriend
Various News:
"Don't worry, you'll meet somebody," says girl ♂ American Penis Restrictions to Begin This Week ♂ Grown man hates Justin Bieber ♂ It's still not okay to Pull Your Penis out in Public ♂ Male ego reaches all time high, females counted in average penis size ♂ Man decides against going to work ♂ Man dies after having sex with his gun ♂ Man goes to work; wife fucks his neighbor ♂ Man wakes up ♂ Man wins Most Oblivious Human award ♂ Man's nipples fall right off ♂ Marble Hills - a bachelor haven ♂ New penis developer 'a success' ♂ Old Man to Rise Again ♂ Respected theologians call for return to wife beating ♂ Shirtless Drunk Man Creates Havoc ♂ Some guy does some stuff ♂ [more...]
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All About Dildos
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Bag of dicks - Banana - Cigar - Cucumber - Dead Dicks - Dildo - Dildo of Doom - Dildo plantation - Dildus - Image gallery - More dildos - My First Dildo - My Little Penis - Penis - Penis penis Penis penis penis penis Penis penis - Penis joke - Phallic symbol - Pickle - Schlong - Sea cucumber - Sperm gun - Toys - Vibrator
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