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- 65M BC - For his new year's resolution, God promises to stop throwing giant meteors at Earth when upset.
- 1661 - Philip IV of Spain hopes his son will make him proud.
- 1812 - Napoleon Bonaparte vows not to start a land war in Asia.
- 1989 - Renowned ornithologist Arthur B. Magpie promises to stop fucking bird cloacas.
- 1994 - Ted Kaczynski says to himself, "This is my last letter bomb."
- 2012 - Whitney Houston promises to stop hoovering lines of cocaine like a roomba.
- 2021 - You hope that this year will be a good one, that you'll sort your life out for the better. Ha.