Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/January 1

January 1: Break Half Your New Year's Resolutions Day

• 65M BC - For his new year's resolution, God promises to stop throwing giant meteors at Earth when upset.
• 1661 - Philip IV of Spain hopes his son will make him proud.
• 1812 - Napoleon Bonaparte vows not to start a land war in Asia.
• 1989 - Renowned ornithologist Arthur B. Magpie promises to stop fucking bird cloacas.
• 1994 - Ted Kaczynski says to himself, "This is my last letter bomb."
• 2012 - Whitney Houston promises to stop hoovering lines of cocaine like a roomba.
• 2025 - You hope that this year will be a good one, that you'll sort your life out for the better. Ha.

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