Hurricane Ian
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Hurricane Ian was like, a big evil Hurricane that happened in 2022, I think. It caused like $113 billion dollars in damage to Florida, but again, Joe Biden, keep donating that money to Ukraine. Joe wanted to fight against the hurricane which was spawned of George W. Bush, but he forgot it existed 3 minutes later.
The hurricane was set on a crash course for Tampa, but it had a change of heart and decided to pulverize Fort Myers instead. The cause of said change of heart is unknown, but it may be that Ian just really hates lemons. Many Tampa residents were quite sad that Ian didn't cut them into ribbons, meaning that all of their expensive plywood and 2 hours putting up storm shutters didn't even break under the stress of the hurricane, creating a dramatic movie scene where they huddle up with their family desperately praying for a savior to come. It was a category -5 hurricane with effects no larger than a tornado.
Meteorological History[edit | edit source]
Hurricane Ian emerged from a tropical wave in Africa mid-September. Coincidentally, Bush was also in Africa. Then, On September 24th, it became a tropical storm. During this period, Bush was seen chanting in a dark alley in Detroit that "It will rise", "It will rise", and "It will rise". He then donned a tinfoil cap, pressed a button, and made everyone forget he was even there. Coincidentally, at that moment Ian became a hurricane.
Bush then started pointing towards Florida holding a strange 300-foot mega laser. Most cats in Florida were inescapably attracted to the laser, creating a lot of missing posters. Hurricane Ian started heading towards Florida, at which point Bush went into a fighter jet and tossed a lemon into the storm, when it suddenly took an erratic turn towards Fort Myers. Hurricane Ian then nuked the entirety of Fort Myers, removing all Myer Lemons from the world.
Facts[edit | edit source]
Hurricane Ian was yet another product straight out of George W. Bush's Evil Hurricane Machine. Jealous of Donald and his massive cock, Bush decided to whip out the machine and sent a hurricane after Florida. The storm peaked as a Category -5 major hurricane before making landfall in Florida as a tornado. Once, I ate 40 Chicken McNuggets in under 10 minutes all by myself. The NHC named it Ian because they really like naming the bad storms with the letter 'I'.
Why was it so bad?[edit | edit source]
Physical Damage[edit | edit source]
It wasn't THAT bad. Hurricanes Katrina and Harvey did more damage. The media just overreacted, as usual. Like, uhh, it could have been worse. Surely Drag concerts have done like trillions, probably. Ian killed at least three Fish out to sea in the Gulf of Mexico. Fort Myers was only razed to the ground, it barely did anything. It may as well have been a slight breeze, considering only 331.9 million died from it. Thats only a tiny, microscopic 100% of the US population! It was on Buzzfeed's List of Most Overhyped Hurricanes in The Afterlife.
Emotional Damage[edit | edit source]
It caused much sorrow in the hearts of Tampa residents as their city couldn't be the topic of some random documentary and force high school students of the future to groan significantly at having to learn about the exciting tale of a dude named Ian hating another dude named Tampa. Unfortunately, Fort Myers took that spot, which significantly elated its residents in the seconds before they turned into a quark-gluon plasma. The residents of Tampa are still suffering from chronic depression, lack of will to live, and begrudging acceptance that their dad probably likes eggs.
Aftermath[edit | edit source]
In April 2023, Ian retired and is spending the rest of its life playing Golf. Just kidding! It went to Hurricane Jail and is on death row. Ian will be executed on July 11, 2028, for 161 counts of Murder and mass property destruction. It should have been Bush. HE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS. Unfortunately, what Bush says is law. Even Joe, who cant remember what he said 5 seconds ago, will follow his every edict. However, I will not. I have worn the tinfoil and removed the obedience chip. He will get justice for the crimes that he forced his dear son Ian to commit! Also, the NHS decided they liked I names and gave the next hurricane to hit Florida another I name, Idalia (I don't even know how this is a real name these people are frauds). Next up: I attempt to eat 80 Chicken McNuggets in 30 minutes.