Hurricane Hilary
“All deaths due to Hurricane Hilary will be known to the government as suicides”
“Wait, this isn't the Hilary I was looking for.”
Hurricane Hilary, also known as the Hurriquake, was an assassin who was one of the only hurricanes to muster the dignity to attack California, doing so during August 2023. However, due to stalling, Hilary was able to travel all the way to Mexico before becoming a victim of vore.
Biography[edit | edit source]
Like many things, Hilary originated from the West coast of Africa, as a weak cluster of thunderstorms seeking to make a mark on the world. Applying for a job as an Atlantic hurricane in late July, she was told that she would have to settle for the Pacific. Despite being assigned to the mediocre, Hilary seeked to be the first hurricane to assassinate California. No other hurricane had mustered up the courage to attack California since the 19th century.
As Hilary strengthened in intensity during early August, she was confident that she could do her assassin job well. She had met another fledging tropical low, Idalia, who would eventually get a job in the Atlantic, which actually matters. In mid August, Hilary was finally strong enough to attempt her plan, becoming a hurricane on August 17, nearing California ever minute. She finally succeeded, striking Baja California as a minimal tropical storm, weakening due to the wind sabotaging her. Thinking that she was going to enter California, she went in for the kill, disappearing a few hours later.
When she entered Heaven the next day, she was sadly notified that she had died before being able to attack California, invalidating her of her record, but was notified that she could still assassinate as a remnant low. She accepted the offer, bringing devastating rainfall to the West but soon became a victim of vore, being eaten by another weather system later that day.
Effects[edit | edit source]
During her short time affecting the Western United States and Mexico, Hilary was able to assassinate three people. However, her younger brother Otis would later put Hilary's record to shame. As she weakened, Hilary managed to produce a bolt of lightning so intense that mere mortals and so-called experts misunderstood it as an earthquake. She did cause some damage before dying. As the taxmen counter how much Hilary caused in tax evasion, we at Uncyclopedia now know that she caused around $915 million in damages, primarily from Hollywood sets being destroyed and bets on homeless people dying not occuring.