Forum:THE WOODY FOR ADMIN TRAIN IS BACK! JUMP ON YOU DUMMIES!

Forums: Index > Village Dump > THE WOODY FOR ADMIN TRAIN IS BACK! JUMP ON YOU DUMMIES!

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Well it's that time of.... whenever I feel like it again, when Woody gets to feeling like maybe he was ROBBED of his administrator role, and deserves it back. So I'm starting the campaign, even though, again, I feel that I should clarify, I absolutely should not need to do this. Admin abuse has run rampant, and I alone am the sole peon getting oppressed.

A history lesson for the lazy, stupid, and mythical "new users"

I made a totally legit and earnest attempt at becoming an admin. It went great, and TKF rightfully made me an admin. I then realized I was completely unfit for the position. I tried to vote myself out of the role, but the users, my people, my beautiful boys and girls said no. Their love, while understandable, was misplaced in this regard. I was wildly out of my league. Then I said fuck it and started a completely legitimate vote to get all admins paid. The results went great, and the score was in our favor. And it looks to me like all the admins are enjoying the fruits of MY LABOR but do I get a thanks? Yes, several times. But it isn't enough. I need more. Now, you are probably wondering why I'm not enjoying all this free money I fought for tooth and nail for, but no! I was deposed... by myself. On accident. Could happen to anyone really. But my point in this is, even after getting de-opped, the beautiful people of this site still voted for me to regain my powers. For reasons that remain a mystery to all, a single user, who I will not name out of respect and taking the high road, has been blocking my return all this time. I will speak nothing more on the matter, except this whole mess is all his fault. Zombiebaron.

Also, I got completely hammered on Creme De Menthe one night and made another forum about this but the results were... lackluster. In my cause's defense, I wrote that shit and I only understand, like, tops 60% of the words. Either way, I strike it from the record. It doesn't count.

I won't just be resting on past laurels however.

I understand in these trying times, we need admins who will try even harder. So here, I give to you, my campaign promises.

1. I will look up absolutely 0 ways to make ordered lists, and just assume the # is correct. I mean, it makes the most sense, so I'm going with it. Let's be honest, wiki coding and formatting was never my strong suit, so lets just move on.
2. I've written a number of well-written featured articles that have had enough power to change the site's zeitgeist with a simple click of that beautiful "Save" button. I've also written an even larger number of un-featured articles whose genius has simply gone over the heads of the chinless, driveling morons that frequent this site on a nearly bi-yearly basis. Like Conrack, UnNews:Rising cost of elder care facilities forcing more and more families back together, and the beautifully named UnNews:Scientists: Shape of hot dog should be changed because current shape is a choking hazard; Seriously though, your whore mother is dead. And also, WTF Forest Whitaker's Lazy Eye hasn't been featured yet? You idiots! You mindless halfwits! You simple Neanderthals! FUCK THIS SITE! FUCK YOU PEOPLE!

...

1. 3. I promise to forget about all those things I just struck out, if you promise to forget that I wrote them, my beautiful users. I mean, yeah, most of you all are dumb. But not <insert name here>, and as long as we have them, I'll be cool.
2. 4. That stupid break ruined my ordered list. Ignore this too. Also, yes I use the "Show Preview" button, jesus, I'm not a monster! That's how I learned <break /> both is unnecessary and also shows up as code.
3. 5. Earlier today, in casual conversation, I used the word ubiquitous. These are the types of words you can expect from me moving forward. Class this place up a little.
4. 6. We are starving for more users and content. About once every few months I get completely shit-faced on Creme De Menthe, or $2 Rum, and I inevitably think it will be funny if I write something on this site, like a modern day Inebriated. It is not. I mean, yeah, I guess you dummies enjoyed I ACCIDENTELATY CREATED A MEME, which if I'm being honest I remember writing the first 1/3 or so of. But trust me, the rest of it is pure unadulterated nonsense. If I'm an admin, I could come back the next month and delete it. That way non of the other admins will need to do shit. A net win for our site!
5. 7. I am a current and future former father. I know how to parent the droves of 5-year-olds and tweens that will be here. It takes a gentle voice. And if there's one thing I can promise you, it's that I never lose my cool. You'll get a steady hand. Except when I've been doing the aforementioned drinking. Then you get a shaky hand. But, an occasionally amusing one. Think Chaotic Good.
6. 8. I'll try to read more articles or something? I don't know, what do you people want? Give me a break already. I'm tired.

• 9. I promise not to overstay my welcome and write long, boring, rambling forums based on uninspired gimmicks.

1. 10. I promise to visit the site and check recent changes at least once every 5 months. Should be able to catch 90% of the content and delete most of it. You're Welcome.

Do we still vote in forums? Is this a vote? Is this a thing?

'Score: 6 +  Burninate!'

• I am terrible, and this whole forum should be ignored. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 00:03, 18 January 2019 (UTC)
•  For. I made him admin for 14 seconds back in April. In that time he showed poise and restraint. – roza^☭ 00:08, 18 January 2019 (UTC)
•  Burninate! -— Lyrithya ༆ 00:12, 18 January 2019 (UTC)
• For. The most important vote I'll ever participate in. — SG1|Hereish ^{[citation needed]} 00:13, 18 January 2019 (UTC)
•  For. Let's see what happens next.--The Pioneer 00:24, 18 January 2019 (UTC)
•  For. Woody gave me the subject for what would be my first feature. Without him, I would've left Uncyclopedia approximately 27 minutes after joining, and you'd have to have someone else breaking the website's back end. To be frank, a vote for Woody is a vote in favor of laziness, incompetence, nepotism, giving welfare to people who don't deserve it, Communists, self-delusion, narcissism, female suffrage, gays having the legal right to marry other disgusting gays, polyamory, vaping, music piracy, eating uncooked ramen noodles directly from the bag, and various other traits of entitled children. In short, a vote for Woody is a vote for everything Uncyclopedia stands for. It is a vote for America. Vote Woody.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Jun 1 '79 0:00 (UTC)
•  For. ~ Kakun · talk 04:12, 18 January 2019 (UTC)
•  For. Ok for me. (And, btw, reverting some mass-vandalisms by a vandal, I found lots of rollbacks by Woody. Well done) --Spam Removal Unit 04:44, 18 January 2019 (UTC)
• For I can't deny that the site needs new administrative blood. I don't think giving power to Woody will necessarily fill the gaps in our administrative staff roster, but its certainly a step in the right direction. We should hold a more formal VFS at some point in the near future to try and get some new admins who are actually active in the community. -- The Zombiebaron 04:49, 18 January 2019 (UTC)
  • H-hey! The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 18:05, 18 January 2019 (UTC)