Forum:N00b-Welcoming Suggestion

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Instead of directing n00bs to the Village Dump when we welcome them, why don't we just link them to the Help Forum? Saves annoying questions on VD. Like "How do I add an image?", or "Can you look at my article?", or "AIDS!!!". --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 20:57, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

Sounds good to me. But first, we need weigh out our options, call a vote, discuss our HTBFANJS policies, call a vote to reform them, create a new welcoming message and a reskin, call another vote, discuss quantum physics, and find the Answer to The Ultimate Question Of Life, the Universe and Everything. --EMC ^[TALK] 21:02, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

Indeed, it sounds good. -- herr doktor needsAV2  [scream!] 21:04, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

What about we make a special forum for them all?--Naughty Budgie 04:30, 28 April 2007 (UTC)

I like it! We could call it something stupid like "The Village Pump" and bet on how long it takes for the n00bs to realise they're only talking too each other. It'll be like racing n00bs for sport! -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 06:16, 28 April 2007 (UTC)

Also, we could make them introduce each other there so that we don't get stuck with all the introductions over here. --Naughty Budgie 01:07, 29 April 2007 (UTC)

Custom Welcomes

As my two cents, as no-one told me anything about it, that's the custom part of my welcoming message. I want you to comment on it, because maybe I'm misleading n00bs without even knowing it.

Now, being less formal, you will see the above message in a lot of users' talk page. However, that does not mean this is an automated message. Really, I had to click on your user talk, copy-paste this stuff, and submit it with my own fleshy finger. Now, some personal non-official advice:

• Always start an article with something already shaped like an article. You may not create a blank page or an one line introduction - admins will delete it or you may receive that ugly ICU tag.
• You may think some stuff that appears everywhere here is cool, like Oscar Wilde, Chuck Norris, Russian Reversal, and Mr. T. Those things are utterly overused and not welcome anymore. Among us sophisticated intelligentsia, we call this phenomenon chiché (if you want respect, trust me, try French instead of Internet-Speak). Whatever, these subjects are worn out, near death, and in dire need of being huffed. Just don't mention them unless you have a very, very good reason. Or if it's funny. And I mean funny.
• Another stuff we veterans hate is Random Humor. Don't put chicken from Mars in an article about George Washington. You can put it in an article about, well, Chicken from Mars. That's it.
• Humor is a subtle subject. People will tell you that talking about excretes is just bad taste - count me among them - and others will find this kind of stuff the pinnacle of subversive irony. Just stay calm and try to learn what works best. No one here will ban you as long as you don't impose your non-conformist ideas on already created stuff.
• Never recreate a deleted article. Never redo a reverted edit. Never.
• And, finally, don't be afraid. We don't eat people. Usually. {{{sig}}}

-- herr doktor needsAV2  [scream!] 21:04, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

Actually, Herr Doktor, I do eat human sacrifices... --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 21:08, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

• I tweaked grammar. -- Contestant CUN -- VFH NotM Buzz Ctrbs 22:23, 25 April 2007 (UTC) (Also, intelligentsia? Real word. Who knew?)

• Thanks! -- herr doktor needsAV2  [scream!] 22:26, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

Edit: that's the current version. I think I have made some points that we could place in the default welcome. Namely the thing about creating new articles. -- herr doktor needsAV2  [scream!] 12:45, 30 April 2007 (UTC)

The only shortcoming I can find is it doesn't link to Uncyclopedia:How To Get Started Editing. Aside from that, it's fine. --Hrodulf 21:47, 30 April 2007 (UTC)

Thats not bad, it seems like this would most likely solve the problem of idiots not knowing how to write humor. I think that the majority of n00bs just acknowledge the welcome and ignore the links. It still should have links to the help pages though. -- Kaizer the Bjorn takkun (nya nya) (1961 model!) Check out T61! 01:56, 3 May 2007 (UTC)

How do I add an image to my article?

??? —Braydie 21:10, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

Alt-F4. --KATIE!! 21:14, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

Glue. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Duct tape. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 21:16, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

No, you use an open proxy, THEN press Alt-F4. -Han Solo (High Gen. Grue) Comlink Grueslayer

Hmm. Now I seem to be having trouble with my browser, it closes when I press the add image key bindings. And plus, when I use glue I can't see the writing. I am not a fan of duct tape either, ask sannse on her talk page. What can I do? —Braydie 21:17, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

Preform suicide. -Han Solo (High Gen. Grue) Comlink Grueslayer

Freeform suicide. -- Hindleyite Converse • ?pedia 10:40, 28 April 2007 (UTC)

Ok. /me sets status to "away" —Braydie 14:56, 28 April 2007 (UTC)

No, serious! The n00b needs an answer

1.Leave a blank space while writing your article, this way:

                          Lorem ipsum blah blah blah
                          Lorem ipsum blah blah blah
                          Lorem ipsum blah blah blah
                          Lorem ipsum blah blah blah
                          Lorem ipsum blah blah blah
                          Lorem ipsum blah blah blah
                          Lorem ipsum blah blah blah
                          Lorem ipsum blah blah blah

2.Now you have three methods:

2.1.Pen: take a pen and draw whatever you want at the reserved space.

2.2.Scissor: cut the image from a magazine and glue it to the screen. If lacking glue, spit could work with poorer results.

2.3.Pen and Scissor (for advanced users): glue the image and write a witty remark bellow, such as: "Dubya iz stoopid, lolz!!!!!1111".

Voilá. An illustrated article. -- herr doktor needsAV2  [scream!] 21:20, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

What happens if I want to have an engraved effect, just carve it in the screen? —Braydie 21:40, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

Depends on whether your screen is CRT or LCD. Glass screens make nifty backgrounds for very artsy engravings. But, unfortunately, LCD screens are too thin to accept these effects. -- herr doktor needsAV2  [scream!] 21:45, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

On second thought, as LCD screens are made of plastic, you can try with a heated needle... -- herr doktor needsAV2  [scream!] 21:49, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

Cool. I have lots of used needles around. I wouldn't know why though :o —Braydie 22:27, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

Been playing with User:Codeine a bit too much, Braydie? --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 21:34, 30 April 2007 (UTC)

diMario to the rescue

Actually, it is very easy and simple to add an image to your article:

• upload the image
• create the linky

A child can do the laundry, as we say in my country -- di Mario 18:22, 1 May 2007 (UTC)

In my country, we say "Would you like some tea?" I feel somehow lacking. -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 22:51, 1 May 2007 (UTC)

Here, in the country that I am from, it's "Aw, jeez eh. Beauty.". --Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 01:40, 2 May 2007 (UTC)

In my country they say "Obey Lord Fluffy!" --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 23:01, 3 May 2007 (UTC)