Forum:Is the bible a load of crap?
Is the bible a load of crap? The Bible, Jesus, Moses... do any of these things make sense? do they matter to the amazingly fat and stupid 21st century Americans? I should say not. The bible is story book about an "amazing" man who can do anything that he wants no matter how weirdor anti- social it is. Why did he make, his beloved son Jesus, who we beat, stabbed and probably poked unmercilessly, die? CHILD ABUSE! Parting of the Red Sea... tsunami, earth quake? Noah's Ark, typhoon or something, who really cares, but the point is... well who do think wrote the bible? Sure as hell aint Jesus, but in fact it was made by sex driven seniors who thought that they'd screw the future generations by creating a child abusing, caffine addicted old man with awesome powers and a dirty old white beard to boot. These old crack pot drug addicted loonies created a story and an old man that can't tell when society has gotten the best of "The Chosen One",(Neo?), a.k.a Jesus, a.k.a crying little bitch. So in other words don't read the bible unless you want to read a bunch of bull shit about a fake "God" and fall asleep out of bordem and pipe dreams.
- Jesus - No just kidding Average Ego
Much as I hate myself for being about to do this, I think you mean:
To everyone who will listen to me, please do not go there because the bible is the worst! None of its books are ever relevant to modern life after the first sentence. It is a total piece of junk. Junky junky junk! ALL OF IT!!!!!!!
For example, it makes fun of Satan, whores, people who eat the wrong kind of meat, and many other things. People who turn water into alcohol are judged as world saviors! Celebrities such as King Herod are treated as dictators! What a load of junky junky junky junky junky junk is this? If you read this that means you are ghey. And if you're ghey, you should probably start reciting Hail Marys to make yourself feel better.
It sucks. It's ideas about morality are lame. I suspect it of being written by a sophomoric lower being, possibly American, who still have not tapped into the inner truth of irony beyond that crappy Cliff Richard song...Seriously, I did not think it was possible, but it is far, far more evil than Islam and Buddhism. Why? Because it is a control freak morality FASCIST. The only purpose for the bible is to make an internet fASCIST pastor spend all his days e-burning e-blasphemy. It's true and you know it. Don't e-lynch me because you is in denial. Have you even heard of the prodigal son? I doubt it. Buttmuncher. Oh. You are a buttmuncher. Over used parable? Who gives a shit? Not deep and meaningful in any sense ever. It's parables are not wise, not even slightly. Seriously. The madness must stop? Stop masturbating or you'll need brail hymn-books. What's up with this John guy? Is he high? I WANNA GO HOOOOOME!!!!!!!!
I HATE THE BIBLE!! I HATE THE BIBLE!! I HAET THE BIBLE!! I HAET THE BIBLE!! I HAET THE BIBLE!!
-- Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 23:33, 24 April 2007 (UTC)
Critique
- 8/10 Wow, another teenager whose eyes have been opened to the "truth," probably by someone on the internet. I especially liked the use of ad hominem and jumping to conclusions, while simultaneously looking about as foolish as the people he's trying to make fun of. I'd say this is a strong candidate for the 2007 Best Rebellious Adolescent Rant award category. --The Acceptable
Cainad 
(Fnord) 01:13, 25 April 2007 (UTC) - Against. No wit, no funny/not satirical, no pics, no cats, no links, too ranty. Try Pee Review. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 01:25, 25 April 2007 (UTC)
- Against on the second one, too. Too derivative of an earlier work. It's Oasis to the Beatles, if the Beatles sucked and Oasis was a good-faith attempt to fix the Beatles. Also, I'm terrible at analogies. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 14:26, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
- I know - like I said, I hated myself for it afterwards - I think I must have contracted Zerotrousers disease or something. Also, afterwards I got Christian hate mail on my talk page, with someone telling me they hoped I'd see the light and come over to the way of kindness and niceness etc. And also that I was a retard. -- Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 18:00, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
- "Zerotrousers disease"; sounds horrible! Though I don't quite see you contracting it yet. 30/04 18:57
- That wasn't hate mail. He was trying to save you...from us <dun-dun dun!>. There used to be a guy who tried to save me; every weekend at nine am he'd ring my doorbell. Eventually I started answering the door naked. He didn't even bother putting the Watchtower in my mailbox after that. And yes, LDS is different than your visitor, but the "pitch" is the same, especially when it wakes me up. Perhaps I've said too much. If it helps, the real story is far longer but, sadly, contains less nudity. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 19:25, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
- Modus - did you kill again? It's okay, you can tell us, we're all friends here and I'm sure no-one will look up your IP and report you to the police or anything. -- Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 17:57, 1 May 2007 (UTC)
- /me looks all innocent. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 18:15, 1 May 2007 (UTC)
- Against Way to take the exact words of someone else and rewrite them so they say a statement which is not the least bit controversial on the internet. --
Kaizer the Bjorn takkun 
(nya nya) (1961 model!) Check out T61! 14:22, 30 April 2007 (UTC) - PHNURR!- Og blarg spoof kimpf mok spopiss quamp. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 21:38, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
- VERY STRONGLY AGAINST I am a devout Christan, and it offends me to see this on Uncyclopedia. --Trar (talk|contribs|grueslayer)
20:23, 7 May 2007 (UTC) - Against - I admire the passion, thumbs down for the stupidity, though. Oh, and this guy really needs to find the light. Fast. --Señor DiZtheGreat
CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 22:08, 9 May 2007 (UTC)
The Bible
| Humour: | 6 | Loved the part about the Virgin Birth and man being created from mud. But the stuff about munching on Jesus meat and drinking his blood... it just grows, please remove it! Also, the last part is a little bit too random. Are you a MMORPG freak or something? Dragons, beasts, knights... |
| Concept: | 6 | Hmmm... maybe a little bit too much self-serious |
| Prose and formatting: | 4 | Stuck up and unfashioned. See above for self-seriousness. Writing in Old English can be funny but, sorry to say that, you're no Shakespeare! |
| Images: | 9 | The first version was awful but now with that chops by Michelangelo and Caravaggio it's just wonderful! But you should remove that old man wearing dress from introduction. |
| Miscellaneous: | 4 | Lacks coherence |
| Final Score: | 29 | Not yet feature-grade, but keep on working. What about a little more on dragons, unicorns and that funny bearded guy? You didn't even mention how was his childhood! When and how did he learn all of those flim-flams? Who taught him? Yoda? |
| Reviewer: | herr doktor needsAgear  [scream!] 22:20, 7 May 2007 (UTC)
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This has to go somewhere on Bible! Unless putting mock Pee Review tables in articles is already a cliche that I missed. -- Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 22:52, 7 May 2007 (UTC)
- No, but we should make it a cliche. I've never pounded a joke into the ground before. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 22:58, 7 May 2007 (UTC)
- One time, I reviewed the Pee Review. Honestly, someone created an entry for it. --The Acceptable Cainad (Fnord) 00:23, 8 May 2007 (UTC)
- I once submitted a pea for Pee Review. It got 27, which isn't bad for a picture of a vegetable. -- Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 07:36, 8 May 2007 (UTC)
- Zero for humour? It deserved at least a three. Legumes, while not as funny as the humble tuber, are some funny foodstuffs. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 07:42, 8 May 2007 (UTC)
- I once submitted a pea for Pee Review. It got 27, which isn't bad for a picture of a vegetable. -- Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 07:36, 8 May 2007 (UTC)
- One time, I reviewed the Pee Review. Honestly, someone created an entry for it. --The Acceptable
- The trend was already started:
