PC game
- "Personal computer game" redirects here. For video games in general, see other uses.
“Fucking S-blocks make no concessions!”
PC games, also known as computer games, were created for the purpose of wasting time, and releasing stress. All computer games are ultra-violent in order to let out the stress. The more violence in the video game, the more it sells (see the headline further down).
The most popular form of computer game is the Role Playing Game, all others are of such insignificance that we need not mention them. Some of the most boring games range from computer chess on all "apple" computers, to the always awesome World of Warcraft.
History[edit | edit source]
Some say that God invented the Computer Game, which appears to us non-gods as the universe, and that is how the universe came to exist. As people were created in God's image, they eventually invented Computer Games too. Despite being the first computer game to be written, the universe is by no means definitive - noticeable are the bizarre lack of a save game feature and any background music whatsoever, although it is praised for its humour. Additionally, the customer support is terrible, although this is reputed to improve when the construction of a new call centre in Nexon 14 is completed. Some romanticists still hold that the universe is the only true game, but they are few in number, and are slowly being hunted down and killed by a group of assassins known as the Backstreet Boys.
People often mistake Computer Games with real life violence, claiming that computer games only cause people to become violent. In reality, computer games are much more violent than the real world will ever be. The truth is that people who play computer games get desensitized to violence, and often become so lazy and overweight that they are unable to commit violent acts anymore, and just participate in online flame wars instead. Also, the sheer amount of spilled Coca-Cola and grease from peanuts and chips will often glue them to the chair, thus rendering them immobilised and unable to commit the crimes they would otherwise do. Therefore, not many geeks end up actually doing the atrocious acts of violence that the computer games encourages them to commit. The urban myth that computer games cause real life violence is spread by an Evil Christian Conspiracy pretending to be Atheist to spread terrorism.
Computer games often have their players glued to the computer for hours, partially for the reason mentioned above, but also because the subliminal messages induces the player into a subtle trance. Usually one has to pry the player's fingers from the keyboard with a crowbar to get them to stop playing for a while and bathe, eat, drink, sleep, have sex, or go to an actual job.
Game Programming[edit | edit source]
Computer Games are almost always programmed using "3rd Generation" programming languages; these are languages that are poorer than 1st and 2nd, and often contain lions. The most common is C++, which stands for "Computer Plus Plus", (it was also its inventor's computing grade). However, this is extremely complicated and difficult to learn.
Game programming, like many other areas, isn't based on the context of the program, it is instead based on the number of lines. So long as the correct syntax is used, the content of any particular line of programming does not matter at all. This accounts for why games are constantly getting better: people take the code from other people's games, and add more lines at the end, thereby improving the game. A basic game requires only a few lines, for instance Pong only needs about 10 lines in C++. From here you can add more and more, making such classics as Breakout and Space Invaders, then eventually, after a few trillion lines of code, you will reach the levels of games like Halo 2.
This sounds easy, however it is not. Copying and pasting lines of code results in bad programming: games will crash, have really obvious glitches, or just be completely rubbish. Starting from a previous game and carrying on is allowed, because no lines are copied. But any new programming must be written from scratch. It is for this reason that few people decide to follow in this horribly boring career path. Well, duh! Well, Maxlam scripting some stuff for Ragnarok, problem is when Fat Albert eat his computer, he lost all him Database.
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It is a well known fact that all computer games have subliminal messages hidden beneath the graphics, created with the sole intention of inducing the player into a false sense of security. Thus, all computer games are in fact ultra-violent even though they may not appear to be so to the naked eye. By using special sunglasses (see "They Live" by John Carpenter), one may see the games as they truly are, shock-loaded with gore and perverse ultra-violence of the worst kind as well as malicious subliminal messages that will drive the player insane after a few hours. The subliminal messages are only displayed for a few nanoseconds, unlike the animation below where it's been slowed down.
Even the most innocent games targeted at children are in fact latently ultra-violent too, intented to drive innocent children nuts and make them go on a rampage á la Steve Ballmer and the Kool-Aid Man, two of the main conspirators who are behind the hidden ultra-violence in games. Shot-em-up games like Doom 3 and Quake have merely been written without the masking code that covers the true nature of every other computer game and thus appears truthfully to be very violent. At least ID Software have the guts to stand up for the truth.
Featured below are four examples of how "innocent" games really look like beneath the surface if we were to slow down the frames to reveal the hidden images squeezed into the graphics, or unmask the images to reveal the true art hidden beneath. But beware: this is how all computer games look like beneath the innocent surface, not just those four. There's thousands of examples like this out there. A horror example of people gone mad because of computer games is aforementioned Steve Ballmer, who became a raving, chair-throwing lunatic overnight after playing Microsoft Pinball 3D for eight hours straight.
It is something well noticed that many people who play on violent computer games all day could not hit you, should they leave their screen, with more force than that of a 100-year-old hamster with broken arms and 60kg chains attached to its wrists. in fact, should they ever find themselves in the real-life situation of their games- i.e. WW2- they would probably completely freak out, then shoot themselves in the face from holding their gun the wrong way round. In fact, never tell a nerd that they are NOT in fact seven-foot muscular elves with lightning coming out their ass. It tends to upset them. But not half as much as asking what they have actually achieved in the past 500 hours of gaming, and then laughing at their answer of 'I killed fifty Mordick Frolls.'
The true face of "Monkey Island 1" (LucasArts™)
A typically evil computer game with subliminal messages hidden beneath the graphics...
Some gory lunacy hidden within the graphics
The true face of "Day of the Tentacle" (LucasArts™)
Controversy[edit | edit source]
Computer games are the primary leisure activity of American male virgins, stoners and and basement dwellers. Vicious creations of Satan himself, computer games are created with the sole purpose of causing violence, sorrow, death, and cramped thumbs.
Recent psychological studies have shown that just about everything that goes wrong with children (or society in general) from as early as 604 A.D. can be directly or indirectly blamed on computer games. The long list of problems caused by computer games includes loneliness, suicidal and homicidal tendencies, anti-social behaviour, emo's, AIDS, nuclear radiation, and the world famine problem. We blame John Carmack
Sources inside the White House claim that President Bush decided to invade Iraq after playing a particularly violent computer game, which he described as "a yellow disc-like terrorist that mercilessly devoured innocent American pulsating dots while evading U.N. weapon inspector ghosts".
Parents around the nation responded with delight to the news that everything that goes wrong with their offspring can now be easily blamed on a single external cause.