~ Oscar Wilde on Tesicles“Slitting my own testicle in two!”
~ me on nut slitting
Testicles are also referred to as "stinking nuts" by those in the medical profession. Oval or boner shaped they are contained inside the rectum, or what is medically referred to as the "brown eye", "poop chute", or "asshole". For example "Your mom likes my testicles in her asshole."
They serve no apparent purpose and are not to be confused with the faggots, a pointy propogational device which indicates the general vector of thought in the male "species". One retard believes God created them to stick in the male species for taking a bite out of some delicious apple. These testicles are not to be confused with Testicles of Scrotum, the most famous Greek pedophile.
In the scrotum, where the testicles are held, the right testicle should explode right after birth, causing intense pain slightly lower than the left testicle. If this is not true of your testicles, you have Cancer and will probably die unless you sacrifice a human baby to God. This condition may also give your ejaculations a slight fruity taste and turn you into a flaming homosexual.
Common Uses[edit | edit source]
Many people don't realize that amputated testicles serve many purposes. In America, they are used as chewing gum along with the foreskin. In some regions of Africa, they are burned as incense during the ceremonial sacrificing of the pebbles and bottle of Coca-Cola that fell from the sky. In England, amputated testicles are often placed in the knees of short people in order to encourage growth.
Some Italian scientists made a ridiculous theory up in 1923, they believed the testicles actually contained and produced a micro organism they called "sperm" which was used for "the creation of babies." They believed the sperm came out when a man ejaculates, but we all know the substance is penis juice, formed in the mountains of Peru. The US government sorted out the scientists by castrating them, the lying bastards. Some people today still believe this is true, and should also be castrated for their ridiculous misconception.
Other terms for testes[edit | edit source]
- The Old Men
- Cheech & Chong
- Golden Bullet
- Fluff Bags
- Beanbag (Mexican)
- Mini coconuts (beware of the toxic "ball-sack" milk from the North.)
- Juicy egg-eggs
- Fucking nuts: As in "Ah my fucking nuts, you dirty prostitute bitch!"
- Love lumps
- Little sacks of joy
- The boys
- Little sacks of annoyance
- Little sacks of pain
- Nuts in a sling
- Brown melons
- Los amigos
- The gum you sat in
- Gurt Growths
- Fall Out Boy
- Huevos de fidel castro
- Nucking Futs
- Hacky Sacks
- The Hairy Twins
- Bubblegum Bandits
- Double trouble
- Botox Bunnies
- Hair Balls
- Male No-No Thingy Jingies
- Noah's Delight
- Chocolate Scoops
- Joy Dept.
- Sack Lunch
- My Chemical Romance
- Dan Lapp
- The Satchel
- Meat And Two Vegge
- Will and Shatner
- Family Jewels
- Mah Mangoes
- timmy and the kids
- Jessica's delights
- The octagon and Tom O'leery
- Sarah Palin
- Balls of steel
- Wedding vegetables
- Mault Balls (Though only used to describe blacks)
- Li'l baby makers
- Mike and Freddy
At 350 Degrees[edit | edit source]
When testicles are heated to 350 degrees celsius, they will reach the next stage of evolution and begin to repeat their name to any trainor who happens to catch them on the open range. One pair of Testicles ran for office in France, won the title of President in 1989. This although did not stop the blacks from getting in during early 2008
Testicles in Statistics and Math[edit | edit source]
In a very recent study, made in Israel, some new amazing facts were found: The population of women in the world is over 50% of the entire population. The percentile of men with three or more testicles is a whole lot less than the percentile of men with one or none testicles. Therefore, is was a shocking revaltion when the Israeli scientists announced in a 2006 science conference: "We believe that there are more people on Earth then the sum of its testicles: There is less than one testicle per a human being". Although none solutions were suggested it was promised to be the major event in the conference of 2007. Meanwhile, the fact that there is a negative ratio of testicle per a human being, made a lot of gambling agents, bookies and Hungarian politicians to commit suicide.“I will donate my body to science to increase the poor testicle per a human being ration”
~ Albert Einstein on Testicle ratio
In the conference of 2007, scientists and scholars from all around the world decided to improve the man/testicle ratio by founding "The Association for the Testicle". The association (shortly "Ass for Test" or "ASS") decided to do so by making the - Testicle donor card. ASS says that the solution seems not effective but after about a century we will begin seeing the result. The honorable Israel scientist, Alexander Zainanak said - "We may not be here forever, but testicles will always live on".
Sentimental Value[edit | edit source]
A recent poll revealed that 98.7% of males actually name their own testicles, and think of them as little friends. Some even entertain themselves by putting on puppet shows featuring their own testicles. Mr. Rogers displayed his on camera in an unaired episode of his television show, and said, "I named one Skippy, and the other one Jamal,and they're my best friends. I always have them to talk to when I'm feeling down, or depressed. So remember, young children, if your dad gets wasted, throws your refrigerator out a window, and assaults you with a latex glove, just remember that your little friends will always be with you." Some people have even gone so far as to suggest that testicles are indeed small, loveable little creatures who live inside the scrotum for the sole purpose of providing fun and friendship for their male hosts. This theory is supported by an incident that occurred in 1994, when a janitor reported that one of his testicles "didn't like" the other one, and that they "wouldn't stop attacking each other." Also, 30% of males have reported hearing soft chirping sounds coming from inside their scrotoms, though again, this evidence has never been substantiated.
Little Known Facts[edit | edit source]
- When a testicle is severed, planted in the ground, watered, and fertilised adequately, it will grow into a Baby Tree, providing giggly, happy babies for Barren Women. This must, however, be done during a new moon.
- Dried in the sun, testicles make excellent Bouncy Balls!
- Women have testicles too! Unlike male testicles, female testicles are greatly enlarged and located on the chest. Women often wear athletic supporters known by the slang term "brassieres" to protect them.
- Often used during a homerun celebration video
- it has been claimed that testicles are bio-thermonuclear radar devices given by Ultra Jesus to all mankind.
- The 'Adam's apple' so prominent on Ann Coulter is actually a testicle, believed to belong to either Bill O'Reilly or George W. Bush. Attempts to remove it have met with fierce resistance from Ms Coulter herself.
- Your mom likes testicles.
One Nut Wonders[edit | edit source]
These heroes, despite losing one of their balls, have maintained their strength and practiced it everywhere around the world. Some may be better than others at it, but it is all a matter of who can keep the most cum despite having only one testicle.
- Adolf Hitler - leader of the National Socialist party who worshipped Scrotum and encouraged Scrotumism in Germany during his regime.
- Tupac - The son of the God Scrotum who was sent out to preach his word by rapping, but unfortunately, he lost one of his balls from a shooting that happened while he was preaching.
- Lance Armstrong - A cyclist and stoner who apparently lost one of his berries due to cancer. As a result, his testicles grew large, and he was required to take marijuana as an ointment.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger - The last hope for any chance for Hitler and his henchmen to create the Aryan master race. However, when he was born, the doctor accidentally cut off one of his testicles rather than his umbilical cord.