GunZ: The Duel
- SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: GunZ tends to cause players to develop extraordinary abdominal muscles and amazingly good looks, as executing the smallest technique requires the player to have a full-on seizure on the keyboard.
GunZ: The Duel (Korean: 건즈 온라인), also known simply as GunZ, SwordZ, and BaZookaZ, is a dangerous yet addictive virtual-world hallucinogen. It is usually taken via self-sodomization using a USB-compatible gamer keyboard which you'll probably burn through every two weeks due to the nature of the game's highly aggressive playing techniques.
Active ingredients contained in GunZ include gunpowder and a secret combination of several glues. The drug is unique in that it provides similar hallucinations to all of its consumers. GunZ is distributed mainly to English, Japanese, and Korean-speaking junkies, but there is also a small Portuguese and Malaysian statistic. GunZ allows its consumers to jack into a virtual reality where the junkies are encouraged to engage in senseless killing using a variety of items, including daggers, shotguns, rockets, submachine guns, and arm-wrestling.
With the exception of those assholes who pay more, such as a richer flavor of nerd flatulence, everyone looks almost the same. This is why you will get killed by all the other junkies. If you fall into some luck and get a full Deity set, it makes you look like the disgruntled punk daughter of a peacock and an angel whom had way too much wild sex. The topside to this is that its uber hotness allows you to be shot and slashed twice as much and still survive long enough to pop your attackers in the head.
The Extreme Graphics[edit | edit source]
The effect that GunZ has on the user is the same as Halo 3, Flight Simulator X and Microsoft Word. The source of the drug's "real-ness" is the place where you see the "Z" symbol on the top-left, so getting hurt (i.e. walking into a chair, getting stabbed in the stomach, and scratching the skin off of your own face) may cause unusual GIF compression.
Caution: This drug's extreme "graphics" may cause one to get confused with real-world and hallucinations. Setting the graphics to "high" while high on glue allows for a slightly longer time without experiencing this effect, until you get drunk and then there's all hell to pay.
The GunZ Cult[edit | edit source]
Alleged members of the so-called "GunZ" cult have been reported sacrificing babies and eating steel in the hopes of improving their proficiency at GunZ, as well as the time they can hold out during fornication (see image).
Jo Baba[edit | edit source]
Jo Baba (not to be confused with Yo Momma), the ultimate three-headed deity composed of Vinny the creator, Gunny the enforcer, and Joe the penguin. Baba is capable of thinking of two actions at once but capable only of executing one. He's not very smart.
Hallucination Types[edit | edit source]
There are many types of hallucinations that the consumer can experience.
Training: This type of hallucination is intended for the user to get used to the drug. It allows junkies to do the craziest stuff possible without sensory repercussions or otherwise fatal consequences, such a group of friends shooting each other repeatedly for fun.
Deathmatch: The user experiences a high-paced battle with their sexual prowess.
Team Deathmatch: Two teams of people kill each other while having a massive ego-boosting comparison.
Berserker: Only one person can achieve the highest point of ecstasy, so other people must kill that person until one experiences orgasm.
Gladiator: Originally this hallucination type was intended to be a cooking competition.
Team Gladiator: Same as Gladiator, except with a rudimentary anal event.
Quest This is where the user jacks off so much that he starts seeing monsters.
Assassination: People are split into two teams, and the goal is to kill the other team. A unique concept!
Styles[edit | edit source]
In GunZ the user is constantly fantasizing about killing others. There is only one style of fighting. It is:
Erectile Style - used by those who have permanent erections. Erectile Stylers run around cockslapping everyone in sight and naturally are often killed in the process.