cmd

A random user was exploring the c:\windows\system32 folder and found a file called "cmd.exe". Once he opened it...

Rebooting computer...
Booting up...
BOOT FROM CD-ROM...........[FAIL]
BOOT FROM USB..............[FAIL]
BOOT FROM FLOPPY...........[FAIL]
INITIALIZE REMOVABLE DISK..[GOOD]
BOOT FROM REMOVABLE DISK...[FAIL]
BOOTMGR....................[FAIL]
LOAD.......................[FAIL]
WINDOWS 10.................[FAIL]
LOOK FOR OTHER OSES........[GOOD]
BOOT FROM LINUX OS.........[FAIL]
THINK WINDOWS IS BETTER....[GOOD]
QUEUE C: DRIVE.............[GOOD]
LOAD FROM C: DRIVE.........[GOOD]
LOADING: CLASSPNP.SYS......[FAIL]
LOAD CMD...................[GOOD]
LOAD DISPLAY.SYS...........[GOOD]
LOAD MOUSE.SYS.............[FAIL]
LOAD COMMAND.COM...........[PART]
REDIRECTING TO CMD.EXE.....[GOOD]
LOAD USELESS INFO..........[GOOD]
LOAD USEFUL INFO...........[FAIL]
LOAD MICROSOFT SCAMS.......[GOOD]
Microsoft Windows [Version 10].
Copyright Microsoft Corporation.
To crash the console, click here.
C:\>bootrec /setdefaultos:linux 
FAIL: Windows is better.
C:\>showgui.com /gui:yes
You don't deserve it.
C:\>sfc /scannow
Checking for corrupt system files... (100%) 
0 corruptions found!
C:\>takeown /f c:\windows\system32\jscript.dll
You cannot takeown jscript.dll because you don't deserve it.
C:\>cmd.exe /c:changedeservation=yes
"You Deserve It" expires in 5 minutes.
C:\>echo WINDOWS IS BAD
WINDOWS IS GOOD
C:\>fpdos
We want you to use Windows.
C:\>type e:\whyiswindowsbroken.hlp | search "Publisher" | search attrib "Hidden" | limit 1 | details
Publisher | "Microsoft Corporation"
Date      | "7/28/2014"
C:\>winhlp32 e:\whyiswindowsbroken.hlp
Windows is so bad. Microsoft made it as a joke and now people are taking it seriously and pretending it is a real operating system. Microsoft thought no one would buy it for $140, but someone did. Microsoft renamed itself to Micro$oft because of their scammy money-making schemes.

Apart from that, Micro$oft also has many awful products like SkyDrive, Office, and .NET. People rated it, like, literally 1 star in quality. ★☆☆☆☆

Microsoft Windows is a BROKEN operating system and is not to be used for serious purposes. If you actually want to do something with your computer, get macOS or Unix. Linux also will do. ANYTHING EXCEPT WINDOWS WILL DO!!!
--More--q
C:\>windef /?
Microsoft (R) Windows (TM) Defender.
Copyright (C) Microsoft Corporation. * /scan  Determines type of scan: Full, Quick, or Custom.
 * /help  This message.
 * /f, /fix, /fix-errors  Fixes errors if you deserve it.
 * /skipintro  Skips version number presentation.
"YOU DESERVE IT" EXPIRED!
C:\>windef /scan:full
WinDef version 10.
Running scan
[============100.0%============] Scan finished!
1 virus found, but we’re too lazy to fix it for you.
C:\>windef /fix-errors /scan:full /skipintro
Running scan
[============076.0%=           ] Scanning:  windef.exe

[ERR!!!] windef.exe is not locked, aborting...
C:\>rstrui
Select a restore point:
>>> Created by <insert name here> at 12:00:00 1/1/1990 <<<
    Before installing Windows XP
Restoring files and settings...
050.0% complete at 4:30:09 PM 3/1/2020.
075.0% complete at 4:35:35 PM 3/1/2020..
095.0% complete at 4:45:35 PM 3/1/2020...
100.0% complete at 4:50:53 PM 3/1/2020.
System has been restored. Restart to finish.
Restart now? [y]
Shell restarted.
C:\>chkdsk /f /r /x
The type of the file system is NTFS.
Volume label is Windows-SSD.
CHKDSK is verifying the uselessness of your files...
Progress: 57368 of 57368 done; Stage: 100%; Total: 1%;
 Stage Complete.
 57368 issues found.
 100% (57368) fixed.
 Analysis took 5 seconds.
CHKDSK is verifying that your computer has viruses...
Progress: 461 of 461 GB; Stage: 100%; Total: 2%;
 Stage Complete.
 2 issues found.
 Orphaning file 238947 into cluster 3982408.
 Orphaning file 328947 into cluster 2398408.
 100% (2) fixed.
Looking for bad, free sectors...
Progress: 309875087 of 309875087; Stage: 100%; Total: 75%;
Damaging cluster 398747548.
 Stage Complete.
 1 issue found.
 100% (1) fixed.
Orphaning personal files...
Progress: Task 1 of 1; Stage: 100%; Total: 100%;
 Stage Complete.
 57368 issues found.
 100% (57368) fixed.


Windows has scanned the system and found many problems. A lot of further action to correct our bogus "fixes" is necessary.
Total space: 461 GB, 361 GB used.
100,000 MB free.

C:\>winhlp32 e:\chkdsk.hlp
File Not Found
C:\>e:
E:\>dir
whyiswindowsbroken.hlp
chkdsk.hlp
E:\>type chkdsk.hlp
Publisher: Microsoft Corporation
Date: 7/28/2014
{{p|\s\s\s\s{"File Not Found"}\e\n\n}}
E:\>c:
C:\>cd WINDOWS
C:\WINDOWS>win
Starting Windows...
DISPLAY.SYS is reporting that you do not deserve a graphical interface. Have fun!
C:\WINDOWS>write.exe color 00
WARNING:

WORDPAD is the best word processor ever. It is better than Microsoft Word.
C:\WINDOWS>cd..
C:\>system_info

C:\>help "how to download linux"
Run win download linux-3.iso.
C:\>win download linux-3.iso
File has been blocked by Windows Antivirus for the following reason:
 
   Disloyalty to Windows
   This file poses a threat to the existence of Windows by providing an alternative operating system.

C:\>disable antivirus
Invalid command 'disable'.
C:\>antivirus disable
You cannot disable the Antivirus. It provides protection.

R u sure?
[ yes | no ]
Sorry, unknown error 0x6666.
C:\>dir
linux-3.iso
C:\>burn linux-3.iso
linux-3.iso is now in the fire.
C:\>linux-3.iso
File not found!
C:\>win download linux-3.iso
Ha! You thought you got around Windows Antivirus? (Well, maybe you did.)
C:\>linux-3.iso
Main menu
[ boot from it 
  | mount it  
  | burn it ]
Welcome to Setup. System check running...
Error: You must be running a non-Windows computer.
Install terminated.
C:\>directions
Where would you like to go? [computer shop]
Directions:
Continue to Interstate 10
Turn right to Interstate 95
Make a U-Turn
Merge onto U.S. Route 66
Continue onto U.S. Route 666
Arrival on left
C:\>

[48 hours later]

C:\>There was nothing!
Invalid command "There".
C:\>directions
Where would you like to go? [the actual computer shop]
Directions:
Continue to Interstate 10
Turn right to Interstate 95
Make a U-Turn
Merge onto U.S. Route 66
Continue onto U.S. Route 666
Arrival on left
<20 hours later>
C:\>IT DIDN'T WORK!
Invalid command "IT".
C:\>