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Adderall comes in assorted shapes and colors in order to appeal to children.[1]

Adderall is a pill containing a mixture of amphetamines, which increase human capability, efficiency, and overall potential with negligible side effects. As of now amphetamine is listed as a Schedule II substance because the government fears that it would lose control over a population of optimally functioning people. Nevertheless, the elites of many communities have found ways to obtain this gift-of-God, and use it for the greater good. Oftentimes, Adderall is used by hardworking students in order to distribute their time more profitably, often reducing a semester's worth of work into one night successfully.

Use in medicine[edit | edit source]

This narcoleptic bum could have used some Adderall ... maybe then he'd be a productive member of society, and refrain from fondling sleeping princesses.

Adderall is recognized as an effective treatment for ADHD, narcolepsy, and obesity but – unfortunately – not for laziness or lack of motivation.[2]

ADHD[edit | edit source]

ADHD is simply when lack of concentration is recognized by a medical professional. The distinction is usually achieved by uninformed parents with bratty children, pressing the pediatrician for a solution. The solution they recommend is Ritalin, or, more often preferred, Adderall. Although it seems unfair that the kids who don't behave are the ones receiving this skill boosting prescription, it is this same group that will sell each pill at less than what the insurance companies originally pay. That will allow those of us with hook-ups to score, or even sell it at a major profit.

Narcolepsy[edit | edit source]

Narcolepsy is a condition where individuals want nap-time more often than they should. Adderall will keep them awake.

Obesity[edit | edit source]

It turns out that there is an exception to the government and medical community's lack of recognition of the use of Adderall as a cure for laziness: obesity. If an individual is so lazy that they achieve a state of not getting up off their ass and just eating all day, doctors feel that Adderall is a smart move in sparing society of their girth.

Practical Usage[edit | edit source]

Productivity Aid[edit | edit source]

Adderall helps people get shit done. The chemical inside, amphetamine, was used by geniuses, such as Winston Churchill, Paul Erdos, Adolf Hitler, and many who haven't even let their usage surface, such as Road Runner or Sonic the Hedgehog. Nameless among the masses are college students, especially those who procrastinate until finals time.

Recreational Stimulant[edit | edit source]

Not only does Adderall make manual and mental tasks more manageable, but it makes the greatest task of all tolerable ... living life. When ingested or snorted, in delivers a euphoric sensation, one unknown to those fags who smoke pot just to look cool. Trust me, rail some crushed up Adderall and then tell me about how "dank" that skunk is.

Notes[edit | edit source]

  1. whose parents give it to them so they'll
  2. government hypocrisy at its finest, which your friendly neighborhood drug dealer understands