User talk:PortuguseOttersTryRadios

Welcome, initiate, to Uncyclopedia!

Father Why do I need to provide this? welcomes you to the wondrous world of Uncyclopedia!

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Greetings, Initiate PortuguseOttersTryRadios, and welcome to the Temple of Uncyclopedia! (If you aren't yet ready to accept Sophia as your Holy Potato, see your alternate secular welcome).

Thank you for your current and future contributions, assuming, of course, you aren't possessed with the spirit of a vandal. I pray that you have a long, happy and productive life here. But if you really want to leave, you can pass through the door that says "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here." But I wouldn't recommend it.

BEGINNING YOUR NEW LIFE

Want six fun things to read?

This series consists of six lessons designed to Uncyclopedically guide you, the new believer, to living the life that would be pleasing to Sophia. These lessons will show that Sophia has given the new Uncyclopedian specific instructions as to how to live the very best life here possible, which means avoiding getting ceremoniously fried in boiling oil. (We don't really do that. Honest. Would I lie?)

• Beginner's Guide
• Our Vanity Policies - why we sadly do not accept articles about your friends
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. And please read a few featured articles so you can see what's considered the best here (make sure you find the featured version). If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

What can you do?

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your Sophiacal creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:PortuguseOttersTryRadios/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold, cruel world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - on the top of it.

If you want to write and don't know where to begin, you might browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid of the unknown depths - dive right in!

And speaking of the depths, there's Imperial Colonization, which I once took over when no one was looking. There's also the fine community service.

Where can you go for help?

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. I was an adopted noob, and it kept me out of trouble. Well, some of the time. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to apply to be adopted. Again, welcome!   Father WHY??? (confessions)  17:01, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

I couldn't help notice

That your name is similar to the esteemed User:PuppyOnTheRadio. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  17:03, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

First off, I haven't the slightest idea who that Silent Bob-Aussie fag is. Secondly, don't you have any good-looking girls who could have welcomed me? Or possibly a flamer? I feel like I'm being assaulted by cock... PortuguseOttersTryRadios 17:06, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Get used to it. By the way, who are you, really? You're obviously not new to these parts. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  17:48, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

I'm afraid I am new. PortuguseOttersTryRadios 18:00, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Just curious, then, how you know details about so many oldtimers and some of the more obscure inside jokes? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:09, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

You put "flamer" and didn't mention me?! You suck. ;_;--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) 18:11, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I'm new. How am I suppose to know all of the poofs around here? PortuguseOttersTryRadios 18:14, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Don't you be calling Sannse an old in-joke! Also, great comma splice. Please go back to grammar school. And do pay attention this time. PortuguseOttersTryRadios 18:14, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

I said nothing about Sannse, but thank you for proving my point. Also I take pride in my comma splices. They're used by some of the greatest writers in the English language, and I have little tolerance for stupid rules. "I came, I saw, I conquered." King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:20, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Okay, so your fetishes include lesbianism, money-shots, chainmail, and the Spanish Inquisition? PortuguseOttersTryRadios 18:22, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

♥♥♥ I love you. ♥♥♥

The reason for this being that I get to use this new and shiny template to say hi!! Yes, this does indeed mean I lied to you -- you smell and no one loves you. Anyways, you look like you could use a buddy. We're all good friends around here, so here's some important stuff to help you out!

WELCOME.

• Beginner's Guide - this has lots of really cool stuff in it. I think.
• Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your grandmother, your gay teachers, or your dog.
• How to Be Funny and Not Just Stupid - how to be loved, even though you smell bad, and occasionally experience the uncontrollable urge to dance to 80's music.

If for some reason you you still want to find out more, these will help a bunch!

• About Uncyclopedia and The Five Pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to Get Started Editing on Uncyclopedia
• Help Pages

One more thing! When you do stuff, remember to sign your name using four tildes or just that weird looking sign () button at the top of the little edit box thingy. Anyways, I've gotta go practice being a fairy princess. Love,  

You see, this is better. It doesn't link to anything magical, though, but it is still better. PortuguseOttersTryRadios 17:11, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

And I love the offer of free rape. That usually costs me a pretty penny down here. PortuguseOttersTryRadios 17:12, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

I might be mistaken, but where does it say, "Rape me for free"? Love,  

It says it in the eyes of the kangaroo, my dear. And you just said it. PortuguseOttersTryRadios 17:18, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Hey you! I'm the only one who is allowed in that pouch! MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 17:38, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Portuguse, you may have chased Ethine away with your bawdy words and typically male temperment. Since you are new, your first duty is to lay your gold at the feet of Mordillo, who will then thumbs up or thumbs down your continued existence. Another tip, do not mace your fellow users who resist your free rapes, but treat them as you would YdearoldMSCIHMF. And Ethine, be nice and lay down for this lad. It will be over in seconds, from the tales I've heard. Al des chains 17:42 15 5 MMX

Where is my gold? I demand immediate deference or everyone here will be banned for insubordination. --ChiefjusticeGameCube 17:45, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

All Rise for His Honor ChiefjusticeDS! All Bow for His Honor ChiefjusticeDS! All Genuflect for His Honor ChiefjusticeDS! REPEAT. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  17:50, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

So how long is would the ban be? A week? PortuguseOttersTryRadios 18:01, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

No a week is for a minor offence, or a first one. Failing to give me due deference is very major insubordination. --ChiefjusticeGameCube 18:11, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Maybe if you looked less like Oli and didn't live 20 metres from Whoremonal I would, but you do. You shall be throughly mocked by all! PortuguseOttersTryRadios 18:14, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, serious offenses get you a few minutes, not a week. Just look at my log.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) 18:16, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

"Look at my log"? God, you are a homogay! PortuguseOttersTryRadios 18:25, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

HOMOPHOBE!!!--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) 19:28, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Me and Oli are cool sexy admins, some similarity is unavoidable. --ChiefjusticeGameCube 18:23, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

== Does anyone else have anything to say to me? ==Or can I go back to improving this site? PortuguseOttersTryRadios 18:29, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

No.  This is a social site.  The articles are just an excuse for a party.  (But if you must, go ahead and edit). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:39, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

OK, serious. If you really aren't Puppy, I'd suggest a name change. If you are a separate entity then you seem very cool, and would be happy to go along with this. Or you are still probably Puppy playing a game, which is what Puppy would do. One way to semi-prove you aren't him is to vote  For. the VSCOME or whatever the page is he nominated for feature, which looks like it's going down anyway. If Puppy votes twice at least we would get him/you out of our hair for two weeks or so. Al des chains 18:45 15 5 MMX

Starting to look like you may not be Puppy. In that case, ah, good to have you aboard? Al sans chains 2:09 16 5 MMX

Since everyone else is doing it...

...I thought I would also give you my own, pre-formatted welcome.

FUCK OFF AND DIE, N00B!

Nominally Humane! some time Sunday, 00:04, May 16 2010 UTC