User:Barney the Dinosaur
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|Barney the Dinosaur|
|Date of Birth||Begining of Time|
|Weapon||His evil powers|
|Very Special Friends||Boy George, Culture Club, Prince Poppycock, Teletubbies, Michael Jackson|
|Enemies||God (arch-nemisis) and any other powerful straight person|
“I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too?”
“We have so much in common!”
“I know where you live.”
“Barney is Satan.”
“HEY! How'd you know that?”
“STFU before I smite you!”
“What is he doing here anyway?”
“Satan, disgiused as a purple dinosaur, is on a mission to enslave people into a life of damnation.”
Barney the Dinosaur is the community's most perverted and homosexual tyrannosaurus rex, and an embarrassment to dinosaurs everywhere.
1.Given: CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
2.Change all U’s to V’s (which is proper Latin anyway): CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
3.Extract all Roman Numerals: C V V L D I V
4.Convert into Arabic values: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5
5.Add all the numbers: 666
This IS 100% proof that Barney the Dinosaur is the Devil!!!
Barney also caused World War II by helping Hitler to start it. When Hitler's reign began, Barney WAS there, killing the Jews with his angels. Barney knew where to find them, because since he is the Devil, he can make his presence well-known, by transforming into anything or anyone he pleases (Hint! Hint! The snake!!!).
During the Battle of The Bulge, the allies actually captured and promptly executed him. Unfourtanetly for the world, Barney resurrected (OMG he's just like Jesus!), as his corpse fell into the La Brea Tar Pits where it was held in suspended animation until the year 1984 when Scientists at UCLA managed to revive him by getting Whitney Houston to sing for him. After raping every single college student at UCLA, Barney headed to Tokyo, determined as he was to prove he was better than Godzilla. He was hired at a small Toyota company as a line worker and excelled at the job. His superiors loved his warm, loving yet no-nonsense style. Plus, as an added bonus, if anyone bought a Honda, Barney ate them. Indeed, he was working a good job making good money, but Barney wanted something more.
He had always dreamed of hosting a kids show to rape, kill, and eat all the children he ever wanted. His big break came when PBS needed somebody purple to teach kids tolerance toward gays.
After numerous failed attempts to get a job at Disney(he threatened to replace Mickey!), he finally settled for a lesser job at PBS. Barney, seemingly having a "perfect work ethic", quickly worked his way up to top as star of his own show. At this point, he brainwashed the children and made them his sex slaves, and "out of love", they built for him, machines of world domination. Barney is currently out destroying Australia after Fox8 dropped his show (swallowing koalas whole and attempting to develop an Aussie accent).
- Ever wondered why the kids are replaced every couple of seasons? Barney molests them, then beats them to death, and swallows them whole. He bribes the government to keep him free.
- Barney is the true killer of the Great Deku Tree from The Legend of Zelda, because of the fact that the Great Deku Tree asked Barney to touch his Great Deku Nuts, Barney, becoming enraged by the fact that a tree could beat him to this blatently sexual pun, jumped behind the Deku Tree and began to bloodily rape it to death, which is the reason why Link did not witness this terrible act.
- Barney is a strong supporter of infant huffing, but his is extreamly disgusting, because he rapes the infants before he huffs them.
- Barney has filed lawsuits against Celine Dion for copying its "I love you" song. Barney lost and was forced to pay $9.34 in damages.
- When listening to the "I love you" song backward or forward, you are actually receiving a subliminal message that says "My infidels, unite and take over the world! MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!" Your local kindergarten has probably been stockpiling AK-47s and grenades ever since the song was released.
- If he really is Satan, why hadn't we seen his true form? The answer is so that people can never find out.
People that have been killed by Barney
- Kermit the Frog
- Steve Irwin (It wasn't the stingray, that was just a government cover-up)
- Scatman John (He gave John lung cancer by making him drink soiled water)
- Louis Armstrong (Barney stabbed his main artery to give him a heart attack)
- Tinky Winky
- Everyone below 9000
People who have killed Barney
- Chuck Norris
- Mama Luigi
- The Non-Huffable Kitten
- The US Army
- Letter B
- Your Mom
The Hundred Kiddies' Mission
After the 100th report of child molestation by major newspapers, the Non-Huffable Kitten set out to hunt Barney down somewhere outside Japan, hoping to stop him from molesting hundreds of young Japanese boys.It didn't work.
On June 13, 2007, after 5 months of no report from the NHK, The Anti-Terrorism Super Strike Force Unit of Albania decided to assemble a squad to save the adorable yet unhuffable kitten, as a return favor for not releasing an embarrasing picture involving Albania and an unidentified underage mule that was not Albania's wife. The task force consisted of:
However, upon arriving in the dense jungle of northern Japan they were met by Tom Cruise. There were no survivers.
Criticism and Controversy
Although most serious reviews of Barney & Friends have been positive, the show has been the target of a certain degree of controversy. This criticism generally stems from some disagreement in the messages that the show sends children.
For instance, one particular episode made use of the phrase, "A stranger is a friend you have not met yet", which some parents may view as sending a dangerous message to their children. However, The children's-rights group NAMBLA made a more positive assessment of the episode, calling it "Hot."
Many kids started writings songs about Barney getting killed, after they found the message on his show disagreeable. They started writing violent and insulting songs targeting the evil mind-controller of the airwaves. These songs included "I Hate You, You Hate Me, Let's Hang Barney from a Tree," "On Top of a Mountain," and "Joy to the World that Barney's Dead." Revenge was so sweet.
In one episode, Barney actually said "F**K YOU YOU LITTLE SH** FACTORY!!!" Thus, banning the show in certain areas of the world.
Incident Involving Dawn
On May 26, 2007, Dawn was hurt when Barney and the Teletubbies took a crack at trying to kill Dawn outside the Bay Street Shopping Center in Tampa. Barney took off to an adult theater complex where he was eventually arrested by Hillsborough County officials. A trail date has yet to be released.
Ernest Hemingway writes about Barney
He watched the little train pull in and then leave the station. He was watching for the purple dinosaur, the deceiver of children, the eater of testicles, and the killer of Tinky Winky to board the train.
But the lizard did not board the train for he was with the little whore in the station. The little whore with the shaved head was good, and when the purple dinosaur was with the little whore, the lizard was good. But soon the lizard must leave the little whore. Milk of the Mother! This leaving and leaving and always the leaving, and the leaving would get the lizard killed.
He waited and he drank from the flask and it was hot in his tounge. He did not hate the lizard but when the lizard left the little whore, he would kill the dinosaur. He would kill him because Tinky Winky was dead.
Tinky Winky's Murder
It has been revealed that Tinky Winky was assasinated by Barney the Dinosaur. Barney was,before the death, Tinky Winky's lover, which makes it all the more shocking. even more shocking is that tinky winky could have been barney's lover at all, considering that barney went from a male to an "it" after a painful round house kick from Chuck Norris's first time killing the dinosaur (barney might have reincarnated, but he could never get back what Chuck took from him that day)
On May 2, 2007 Barney the dinosaur took a 6-year old boy and held him hostage at a local Jimmy John's Restaurant in the southside of Chicago. After five hours, the child ran out of the restaurant and into safety of the Chicago Police Department. After 23 minutes of waiting for Barney to come out, the swat team was sent to the scene and after 2 minutes Barney was finally at last caught. He is now currently in court.
- The truth about Barney is exposed and his eventual demise is documented in this real-life account. (Ignore the disclaimer that it is fictitious)
-  The only known record of Barney rapping. It is rumored that the children in this video were eaten after shooting. Barney was punished and is now forced to listen to a telemarketer for life with no bathroom breaks!!
- The Results of Watching too much Barney when your a Kid.