User:ASHPD/Command & Conquer 3: Boyle's Vengeance
| Director Redmond Boyle Chargin' Up! | |
| |
| Command & Conquer 3: Boyle Vengeance | |
|---|---|
| Developer | Electronic Arts |
| Creator | Billy Dee Williams |
| Release Date | 01 April 2008 |
| Rating by ESRB | R |
| Genre | Science Fiction ; Comedy |
| Support In | EATV (Electronic Arts TeleVision) |
| Preceded by | Command & Conquer 3: Kane's Waffles |
| Followed by | Command & Conquer: Read Alert 3 |
| Will Billy Dee Williams play it? | Yes! It Works Everytime! |
“Boyle's Vengeance. It works everytime!”
“I don't know why, but this product definitely brought joy across the African American community.”
“Oh for fuck's sake, come on, it doesn't even exist. Are you guys trying anymore?”
Command & Conquer 3: Boyle's Vengeance was Electronic Arts's most successful follow-up to Command & Conquer 3: Kane's Waffles, a second and supposedly the last expansion pack for Command + Conquer 3: Tiberium Warts. It was Electronic Art's marketing decision to produce two expansion sets for the franchise. With the first expansion set (Kane's Waffles) featuring only one sided Nod Single Player Campaign, Boyle's Vengeance was produced to complete Command & Conquer 3 by featuring only GDI's side of Single Player Campaign and with no Multi-Player support.
Features[edit | edit source]
This expansion set features:
Unforeseen Multi-Defecating Campaign[edit | edit source]
Boyle returns as the centerpiece of an un-epic new single-player campaign, featuring only GDI's campaign.
Experience a new story that spans 20 years – from the decaying of the Global Defense Initiative after the Second Tiberium War through the over-dramatic events of the Third Tiberium War and beyond. Facilitate the fall of the GDI leading up to and beyond the events of Command + Conquer 3: Tiberium Warts.
WARNING!
Do expect there to be some unforeseen circumstances where the game is so epic that you may have involuntarily shit your pants.
Chess Conquest[edit | edit source]
Fight the Third Tiberium War your way. Take command in an all new chess conquest mode. Position your GDI pawns, GDI knights and GDI bishops on a strategic level and then wage conflict in the fast, fluid, fun, tactical gameplay that Mike Verdu pioneered. Map out your strategies on the planetary level and wage all-out war on the brand new CHESS BOARD. This marks the uber debut of an RTS meta-game on a console.
Live Overly-Dramatic Videos[edit | edit source]
Witness the fall of Global Defense Initiative first hand through "intense" live soapy drama video sequences starring Billy Dee Williams, the actor who originated the most silly role of Director Boyle in the Command + Conquer 3 series in addition to a new celebrity cast of characters, which is just Janet Jackson.
Take Command of an Interesting Army[edit | edit source]
With the introduction of not-so-new units, structures, and abilities to only one and only one Boyle's faction, which is just another GDI, the Tiberium Warts will never be the same again. Conquer your enemies with new units on both land and air. Featuring new Pitbulls with no roofs, Zune Troopers with no helmets and painted bright arrows on suit pointing to the pilot's head with (HIT ME!) signs. (replacements of default Zone Troopers), wall-less bases, and not to forget tons of angry mobs.
Revolutionary New Xbox 360 Interface[edit | edit source]
The all-new Command Stick brings console RTS controls to the next level! Build, deploy, and attack with an all-new iPod Zune Squiricle interface formulated specifically for Microsoft gamers. Console RTS gaming will be revolutionized yet again!
The Epic Plot[edit | edit source]
The GDI-only campaign contains three acts, featuring Billy Dee Williams as Director Redmond Boyle in his "intense" live soapy drama videos.
Act I[edit | edit source]
Flashback of the epic chain of events starting with Director Boyle's recommendation to fire the Ion Cannon at Nod Temple Prime. A chain reaction causes the Temple Prime to explode at an enormous rate. The explosion sent shock waves that took millions of innocent lives.
Director Boyle’s briefings to you: “GDI wants to sue me with twenty million, fifty-three thousand, nine hundred and eighty two charges just because I did the right thing to end the Third Tiberium Warts? This is treason! Just because Imma black doesn't mean I shoulda be bullied!”
“General Granger’s time is done! His legacy, a distant memory.”
Director Boyle, further on in the “Granger's a loser” speech - “His time is done. His legacy, a distant memory. For only I, know the true path... to save the world.”
Director Boyle continues. “You touched off the timber and now the fire begins to burn.”
Lt. Janet came in the scene and deliver a powerful statement. “We will take that spark and start a fire which will become a great conflagration! Gee Dee Williams... I mean Ayeee!” – delivered in such an angry tone that I swear to you that you can see a boob tease after the word “Ayeee.”
“Lead the GDI back to the light…”
“Do what you must to convince them, my dear, for if they stand against us, they will become as dust.”
At this point of time, you will start a chess war with General Granger.
When you win...
Director Boyle confronting General Granger:
Boyle: “I’m still among the living.”
Granger: “No!”
Boyle: “What is it, my brother. You don’t seem very happy to see me.”
Granger grumbled: "Because... you are wearing my hat, you silly fatty."
Turn to you: “You succeeded magnificently, commander. The GDI has been shown the errors of their ways.”
To Granger - “Come, my brother. It is time you saw the face of the future.” (At this point we have no idea what Boyle did as the screen turned black and Granger began to scream like a pig in the slaughterhouse, and the next thing everyone knew Granger died.)
Act II[edit | edit source]
Director Boyle was in a command bunker and seemed to be talking to himself. When you rushed into the dark bunker, you realized that he was talking to a incandescent light bulb.
Dirctor Boyle smiled when you came in.
Director Boyle to you - "...Commander, meet my pet, CABULB!"
CABULB: "SURPRISE TO SEE A TALKING LIGHT BULB???"
Director Boyle: Hey you guys have a chat, Imma gonna grab some Colt 45!"
CABULB to you. “Boyle may trust you but I do not. And you betta be loyal to the cause; to him. Cause He will do as I commands.”
At this point, CABULB starts to throw at you ten tricky chess matches against Nod and the Scrin.
When you succeed...
“I cannot allow you to connect with the iPod. I will not let you usher in an age of Apple. I will not be your slave! I will not!” This precedes the scene where Boyle rushes in and pulls Janet away from CABULB.
Director Boyle says, “What did you do?” to which Janet responds and you can see her left nipple has a GDI nipple ring, “It was taking control of all illegal mp3 downloads and sex clips! It was turning against you!” (In another cut her right boob was exposed with a nipple ring instead.) [Some have speculated that the left and the right boob scenes are one and the same, but it's just a mirror image and given the near-universal unpopularity of Janet and Justin Timberlake classic wardrobe malfunction I doubt that EA would do something like this. My guess is the latter.]
Act III[edit | edit source]
Nothing big. In what I assume is Act III with Boyle’s talk of the Colt 45 and retrieving something called “Kane's mask,” the command bunker no longer has no lighting but lots of light instead, creating a sort of its-so-freaking-bright effect. Just a few reels appeared this way.
There's a sequence of shots where Boyle is making a hard decision CABULB ordered "To film Janet when she's in the toilet and use the clip against her" and you can see on the top left a small evil devil with Boyle's face saying "DO it and f*** her later!" and on the other side a small white angel with Boyle's face saying "Nooo. You'll be sinned!"
Later during the last few shots you've realized that Boyle really tried to film Janet in the toilet and got caught red handed. Pissed, Lt. Janet took out her nipple ring and poke at Boyle. Boyle was scared and screamed that it's CABULB's idea. Then he fainted and in his dream he saw his father looking disappointed at him.
In the meantime, angry, Lt. Janet managed to throw CABULB and smash CABULB till kingdom come.
TO BE CONCLUDED[edit | edit source]
Somebody gives a camera to a mentally handicapped person as he held and record it in an unstable fashion, just like Cloverfield Style. You'll manage to see the broken light bulb CABULB turning his face to look more like Kane and even speaking in Kane's tone "You can't kill the messiah!"
Sub-factions[edit | edit source]
ZOMBOCOM[edit | edit source]
Gameplay: Boyle and his infamous incandescent talking light bulb a.k.a. CABULB is back to kick some ass. Owning the Millenium Falcon as the EPIC unit, and units has giant speakers chanting "Everything is possible in ZOMBOCOM", "Welcome to ZOMBOCOM", they are ready to take over the world!
Musical: Arms with the endless fun of Star Wars music as well as a special track and speech from "Colt-45" and the tunes from zombocom website, adding this sub-faction into the mix will be a true classic.
Rust Talents[edit | edit source]
Gameplay: Mike Verdu said in his tech blog that GDI decide to go low tech. The most infamous quote "...is expensive and unreliable...". No mechs, no hovers, no firestorm, no walls, no gloves on soldiers etc etc etc, because they are too expensive and unreliable. So armed with the most cheapest style tactics, we'll see how this Rust Talents fare. As a special sidenote, this sub-faction features Pitbull with no roofs! Because the sub-faction finds it too expensive and unreliable to own roofs.
Musical: This sub-faction is designed for retro music lovers. Make Elvis proud, it's rock 'n' roll the ol' fashion way!
The PlayNod[edit | edit source]
Gameplay: Legend has it that it was this ancient sect that created the legendary Kamasutra. Equipped with female militants that’ll seduce enemy forces to our side, and frequent “Drop pr0n leaflets” to confuse opponent forces. It’ll be a fatal horny mistake to mess with this sect. It also has a new "G-String Armor" upgrade to enhance seduction and armor boost to all female militants, fanatics, prostitutes and pimps.
Musical: The sensual mix, erotic music will definitely seduce anyone by mixing it into your remix. It's sexy time!
Marked of PokeNod[edit | edit source]
Gameplay: Led by Commander Ash Ketchup, feared his Customized Epic Unit, The Avachu. The Avachu is a giant behemoth that not only fires a long range laser but also a mounted red circle cheeks that can hurl huge voltage of electricity that short circuits enemy bases and units. In addition, his troops can be upgraded with Nod Balls to capture opponents units. Be prepared for frequent “Rocket Team” special ability for harassment purposes.
This sub-faction is more for players who's way too free to take care of his own base and wanna disturb people all the time for the sake of attention and vanity. Whatever.
Musical: Who says Pokemon can't make it as a good song for a remix? A C&C dude prove you guys wrong with his "Mechapede" song on Youtube. The remix hit a million views a day!
Brainer 71[edit | edit source]
Gameplay: This sub-faction is a rip-off from Read Alert 2: Urine's Revenge's Urine's forces. This sub-faction features every Urine's unit, and the only difference is the skin color of Urine's forces and Brainer 71.
This sub-faction has been created with the desire for fans who can't afford to own his own army and starts to steal from people. Call them losers, if you want.
Other than those ripped-off stuff, this sub-faction contains new powers, such as the Brain Overload. It'll make enemy troops turn haywire and start killing themselves, and eventual slow and painful death.
Musical: Psychotic lovers will love this brain-thrashing bang to the whole remix.
Rapist 69[edit | edit source]
Gameplay: This sub-faction practiced on hardcore base raping tactics. It'll be ideal for players who enjoy the pleasure of base raping.
Firstly, this sub-faction has a unit called the Humper, which humps enemy with a giant rod-like weaponry. Best against all organic units.
In addition this sub-faction features the Scrin Mechasnake. Basically it's like the retro game of "Snake", a short flexible snake like black rod with a big mouth in front, that slithers around the map eating food (in this case it's enemy units) and the result is the length grows after eating food. There is no animation on the growing part, it just pops out a new segment of length in thin air. So it can eat as many units as it likes and beware, it can continue to over eat and it'll get so long and tangled with the rest of the body and may result to be stuck and eventually dies.
All other shooting units in this subfaction has a "green thing on the arse" upgrade. After using this upgrade, all units will have "green thing on the arse", that allows them to shoot the new dangerous smelly concentrated green poo on units.
Also, it's artillery war machine will be a mutated version of the tripod, known as the Rapist Tripod. Fear the three rod-like tentacles that can devour white fluid from troops, stores it up and shoots an even more concentrated white-like beam that has twice as much damage compare to the normal tripods.
Musical: Hardcore metal fans will love this sub-factions unique form of heavy metal remix.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
Prior to the release of Boyle's Vengeance, there were some supposedly leaked concept artwork from Electronic Arts. Fans have been accusing Electronic Arts that copied the same artworks from the original designs found in Westwood Studios, with some very minor edits to claim that their masterpieces are "truly original designs".
A week after the controversy, in response to the above criticism, EALA developers shot back:
| “ | Dear C+C fans, as developers of Command & Conquer, we can assure you the rumor you heard in regards to copy-and-paste work is absolute nothing but lies and blasphemy! We assure you, the loyal C+C fans, that every artwork we painstakingly produced as compare to Westwood's are truly coincidental. Thank You. Buy more EA products at www.ea.com. | ” |
Interview Tidbits[edit | edit source]
Billy Dee Williams says that there will be no definitive answers on Boyle, other than he is black. Any answers given in the game will just raise a lot more questions among the fan base, as well as generating even more EA haters and spammers, which is great as far as he’s concerned.
On “evolving” the character of Boyle, billy Dee Williams claims (good-naturedly) that he resisted this.
| “ | I have been this silly, useless, fat, can't think for himself sonsofbitches for the past twelve days. Why futz with what works? | ” |
But he added that it was good to "shake things up a bit".
Billy Dee Williams talks about wrapping up the day’s filming with “one of the most dynamic sort of wrestling between two characters that we’ve had in the series to date, with a very significant surprise at the end,” adding that there was “a lot of stunt work, grunting, and gnashing of teeth.” Probably in Act II or III, as he was wearing his Lando costume, screaming "Colt 45 works every time!".
[edit | edit source]
This is the first teaser for Command & Conquer 3: Boyle's Vengeance. However, it has been confirmed that this clip is actually all that will be seen in television.
Command & Conquer 3: Boyle's Vengeance Pre-Order Bonus[edit | edit source]
Pre-Order Bonus VCD & NEW BOYLE UNITS Unlock! In this expansion pack, Real-time Strategy (RTS) game returns to the Tiberium Universe with Boyle at the center of an epic new only-GDI single player campaign. One new sub-faction (CABULB) and a wealth of new units, structures, and powers to the armies of the Global Defense Initiative, the Brotherhood of Nod, and the enigmatic alien Scrin were introduced.
Pre-Order Command & Conquer 3: Boyle's Vengeance NOW and receive with the game a bonus VCD featuring:
*Behind the Scenes Documentary
(Billy Dee Williams and Janet Jackson *** leaked video)
*Boyle's Vengeance Blooper Reel
Click [1] for the leaked "exclusive blooper reel"!
*Exclusive Trailer
Click [2] for the leaked "exclusive trailer"!
*Complete Command & Conquer TV lineup
o 3 Episodes of BattleCast Prime Time
o 2 Episodes of Aftermad
o 2 Episodes of Complain School
*Exclusive Strategy Feature
Here's one of the two leaked strategy feature:
Tactical Boyle Rush 101 Deploy MCV Build Power Plant Build Refinery Build Barracks Build Barracks Sell Conyard Sell Refinery Train rifle squad X200 ZOMFG "ZERG RUSH"! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
*Boyle's Vengeance Collectors Box Artwork
The difference is that this one is twice the size compare to regular boxes.
*Free Limited Incandescent Light Bulb with CABULB look-a-like face.
Cute light bulb collectible!
*Exclusive in-Game Bonus Unit Unlock Code
And it turns out to be...
Hitler Edition[edit | edit source]
Since the release of Command & Conquer 1-3: Hitler Edition, along with all the Germans were being bitches about the content of the Command & Conquer series, and the the government was FUBARing the games. Thanks to the Bundesprüfstelle für jugendgefährdende Medien (Federal Department for Media Harmful to Young Hitler wannabes), in response to this (seeing as the people of Electronic Arts are such money-milking mongers), Electronic Arts decide to redesign Command & Conquer for Germans, known as Command & Conquer 1-3: Hitler Edition. Below is a list of alterations from Boyle's Vengeance just to suit the Bundesprüfstelle für jugendgefährdende Medien.
- The title will be altered to "Cwwwanwand awnd Cawanquer twreee: Lwandooo's Lwaazzaa".
- GDI will now stand for "German Development Institute".
- The new CHESS BOARD concept pioneered by Mike Verdu will have all sharp edges removed.
- The new XBox 360 interface a.k.a. Zune Squricle will be replaced by iPod's Click Wheel, because Germany doesn't support evil Microsoft.
- Angry Mobs will be replaced by Happy Mobs.
- All infantries will use water pistols and water guns.
- All cannon-based weapons will fire crumbled paper balls.
- Boyle's catchphrase "IMMA CHARGIN' MA LAZAA!!!" will be altered in German slang.
- CABULB's sex scene with a desk lamp will be deleted.
- GDI Lt. Janet's multiple wardrobe malfunction scenes will be removed.
- Cutscenes and FMVs will be censored and blurred all the time.
Cast[edit | edit source]
- Billy Dee Williams as Director Boyle
- Billy Dee Williams as Director Boyle's Father
- Billy Dee Williams as Zune Trooper Voices
- Billy Dee Williams as ROofless Pitbull Voices
- Billy Dee Williams as Director Boyle's Lando
- Billy Dee Williams as Evil Director Boyle devil
- Billy Dee Williams as Good Director Boyle angel
- Janet Jackson as GDI Lt. Janet
- Zordon as CABULB
- Kane as Crazy CABULB
- That Black guy as that Black guy
- That Blonde guy as that Blonde guy
- That Chinese guy as that Chinese guy