UnNews:Man has sex because of banana

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21 January 2013

Mann's lawyer has placed the blame on the banana, who has remained speechless.

GREATER MANCHESTER, England -- 48-year-old Gary Mann has been charged with rape after allegedly having forced sex with his neighbor, Linda Green. Mann forced his way into the house in Oldham, Greater Manchester, Green claims, as he made his way home from a wild work party at 9.15pm. Toby McMannas, the prosecutor, told reporters that results had shown that Mann had been drinking milk at the party, and began knocking on doors as he walked to his home 120 metres away.

The woman was in her Wonder Woman outfit when she opened the door of the house, she recalls. Mann told her there was an emergency and forced his way into her property as soon as the door was opened. After the attack, Green called 999. Officers found her shaking in the hallway clutching a fluffy dinosaur.

Detectives found fingerprints which led them to Mann, who had three prior convictions for public indecency involving dairy products such as cheese and yoghurt. They arrested him just 6 hours after the attack, and Det.John Carvey described the case as a "slam dunk." Mann's lawyer, Herbert Goldberg, thinks otherwise though, and claims that there was an innocent reason for the event. "Gary has told me that it was all an accident. See, what happened was that Gary went into Ms. Green's house in case she wanted any help doing anything. He heard a crash and ran into the hall, slipped on a banana peel and ended up inside her. It's the banana's fault really, Gary's just the fall guy. He wasn't trying to slip her one, honest."

Sources

• IFYMB!, "8 Excuses For Cheating That Totally Suck" Huffington Post, 16 January 2013

This shit is Bananas! B.A.N.A.N.A.S!

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