Tenor

A tenor in an operatic performance. How very very manly...

Tenor is the male voice with the highest standard vocal range, sharing the same range of C3 - C5 with the lesbian contralto voice.

Tenors are musically in demand because of their womanly, emotional voices and get to star in opera or become members of boy bands.

Discovering a tenor

You cannot discover this vocal type. They know it themselves. Tenors realize from an early age that they are simply better than other men; and their moms always told them how well they could sing and even paid for private vocal coaching.

Voice teachers, normally being fat gay tenors themselves, will further bolster their already swollen egos and convince them that they are indeed superior to all other vocal types, and the opera companies agree on this.

The tenor will thereafter have success wherever he wants to go in the operatic or popular music worlds and be chosen instantaneously above any other type of singer.

Tenor isn't just a voice; it's closeted or open homosexuality

Why Tenors are so feminine

There is a high tendency towards homosexuality amoungst tenors, because the depth of the male voice is directly linked to testosterone levels. Tenors won't have much of it which is why they sing opera.

Their light voices share the exact same range as the female tenor or contralto voice and this proclaims them to be androgynous. The female tenors are lesbians normally also.

Generic tenor posing- utterly in love with his own image

This simply means that tenor loosely translates as homosexual or gender queer. But relationships aside, a tenor is in love with himself the most.

Tenors will spend far longer than any woman preparing to go out, doing their hair, working out what clothes to wear and staring at themselves narcisistically in front of a mirror. They are usually effeminate looking creatures and preen themselves until everyone else gets tired of waiting and drags them to the rehersal or recording studio.

Tenor lifestyle

A tenor is a way of life not just a vocal type. They are fond of restaurants, fine wine, fine food and tailored clothes. They might wear a lot of jewellery and spend hundreds on a haircut. They are also particularly fond of cocktails. There is not much that could be deemed masculine about a tenor except maybe their partner. They are weak, wimpy and utterly useless at anything that a normal man would do. They might even worry that changing a lightbulb might damage their perfectly manicured nails.

Body language

Men with tenor voices mince rather than walk. Examples of men with a tenor range voice are Russell Brand and Boy George. The clothing and foppish mannerisms tend to go hand in hand with the effeminate vocal tone. Tenors also shake their heads like defiant horses, flick their delicate wrists and generally act obscenely camp. They demand attention by acting in this manner.

Tenors are musically in Demand

Boy George; the pinnacle of tenor aspirations

Rock Music

Tenors can hit exceptionally high notes which also make them in demand in very tacky rock bands; just because their high pitched wailing can be heard over the other instruments. They are emotionally unstable and popular with female listeners simply because these wailed emotions affect them deep inside.

Opera

As already stated, they have careers in any popular music or in opera. Women seem to like emotionally retarded men and buy their music over any other options thus keeping tenor voices high in demand.

The music industry

Hitting high notes is seen as a musical feat by singers, and as the music industry is run by camp men, new tenors are created every day and packaged up in cute little suits to sing sickeningly cute songs about relationships for their mostly female admirers who all get crushes on them and become painfully dissapointed when they later come out of the closet in public. Cliff Richard and George Michael are good examples of this...

Famous Tenors

The usual suspects

Popular Music

• Boy George
• George Michael
• Elton John
• Freddie Mercury
• Robbie Williams
• Michael Jackson
• Prince
• Cliff Richard
• Sting
• Peter Tork
• Paul McCartney
• George Harrison
• Most processed cheese and boy bands

Rock Music

• Robert Plant (Led Zeppelin)
• Marc Bolan
• Dani Filth (Cradle of Filth)

Opera

• Pavarotti and his kind. There are an endless supply of operatic tenors and they all sound exactly the same.