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- 75 BC - Julius Caesar assembles a small army to punish the prophet Mosey for ransoming him at too low a cost.
- 20 - God invents Grues to punish Jews who prosecuted Jesus.
- 879 - Vikings find the word "Viking" offensive. Change name to Berserkers.
- 1936 - The great prophet Barry Foster is killed by an unplugged electric model tram whilst convening a Burns supper; he is subsequently devoured by his guests as part of the main course.
- 2006 - You log on and view Uncyclopedia; millions die.