Red Dead Redemption 2

Red Dead Redemption 2 (RDR2) is Rockstar Games’ award-winning cowboy simulator, developed by people who really love horses and way too much detail. Released in 2018, it tells the tragic tale of Arthur Morgan, an outlaw who spends most of his time helping ungrateful camp members, getting tuberculosis, and watching his life fall apart in slow motion.

Despite being set in 1899, the game somehow manages to feel more realistic than real life, making you wonder why modern gaming even exists when you could just spend 80 hours tracking a digital deer through the woods.

Gameplay: Yeehaw or Nah?

The game is an open-world adventure filled with violence, crime, and some of the best simulated beard growth you’ve ever seen. Players can rob trains, hunt legendary animals, and get absolutely plastered in a saloon before waking up in the middle of nowhere, pants missing and horse nowhere to be found.

And yes, Rockstar included the ability to greet or antagonize literally everyone, so you can either be a gentleman or just slap a guy’s hat off his head for fun. Either way, you’ll probably end up in a shootout.

The Horses: More Important Than You

RDR2’s true protagonists aren’t Arthur or Dutch—it’s the horses. These noble creatures come in many breeds and colors, all of which will eventually break your heart when they run off a cliff because of one tiny pebble.

Your bond with your horse is sacred. Feed it, brush it, and whisper sweet nothings to it, because one day, you might accidentally ride it straight into a tree while fleeing bounty hunters. And yes, before you ask, Rockstar made sure that horse testicles shrink in the cold.

Arthur Morgan: The Saddest, Most Badass Cowboy

Arthur starts the game as Dutch van der Linde’s right-hand man, which is unfortunate because Dutch is about as stable as a three-legged donkey on moonshine. Arthur is a tough outlaw with a heart of gold (or at least gold-plated steel), and whether you play him as a noble gunslinger or a complete psychopath, he still gets tuberculosis. Yes, the game forces you to roleplay a slow death. Fun!

Dutch van der Linde: Master of Bad Plans

A picture of Dutch revealing his plan taken by Arthur

Dutch is the leader of the gang and has exactly one plan: “Trust me, I have a plan.” This plan usually involves robbing something, barely escaping, and then yelling at everyone for not believing in the plan.

Over the course of the game, Dutch slowly transforms from a wise outlaw leader into the kind of guy who would definitely start a pyramid scheme today.

Notable characters

• Arthur "Tuberculosis" Morgan: The TB guy himself. Dutch's right hand.
• John "Rip Van Winkle" Marston (AKA "Scarface" or "Jim Milton"): Arthur but a lot uglier version of him.
• Uncle "The Lumbago man" something (Not to be confused with the Red Harlow): The lazy-ass lumbago master.
• Dutch "Bad Plans" Van Der Linde: The leader of the gang who wants to go to TAHITI.
• Josiah "Not the Strange Man" Trelawny: Definitely NOT the Strange Man. Believe me.
• Bill Williamson: Every friend group has the gay friend. Bill is that friend.
• Sean "The Irish Bastard" MacGuire: The best character in the game without a doubt. Say something else and i'll kill you.
• Abigail Marston: John's wife. Ex-prostitute, now a housewife.
• Jack Marston: An innocent little boy.

Things That Will Inevitably Happen to You in RDR2

• Get mauled by a bear because you thought you could take it in a fist fight.
• Accidentally antagonize a stranger and trigger a duel you weren’t ready for.
• Spend an hour playing poker, lose everything, and rob the saloon out of spite.
• Watch your horse fly off a cliff because of a misplaced jump.
• Lose $300 worth of legendary animal pelts because you forgot to take them to the trapper.
• Get kicked in the face by a horse (it will happen).
• Try to rob a train, only to realize you forgot to wear your bandana and now the whole town wants you dead.
• Try to catch a legendary fish and break the line, then try to resist the temptation of throwing your PC out of the window.
• Drag mod folders into the wrong directory while modding the game and get mad when it crashes every five minutes.
• Massacre an entire town because an NPC killed your bond level 4 horse.
• Get thrown off of your horse because the two of you got ambushed by wolves.
• Accidentally steal someone's horse and get wanted.
• Try to go to West Elizabeth before the epilogue and get killed by the sniper (At least i have tried this).

Dutch's (not so good) plan

1. Rob Leviticus Cornwall's train.
2. Kill Colm O'Driscoll.
3. Rob "one last score"
4. Escape to Tahiti
5. Yell at everyone if the plan is a failure (which it certainly is).

Final Verdict

RDR2 is an absolute masterpiece that lets you live out your cowboy fantasies while also making you question whether you’d actually survive a single day in the Wild West (spoiler: you wouldn’t). Whether you’re in it for the deep story, immersive world, or just the sheer joy of watching people panic when you walk around town in your underwear, this game has something for everyone.

10/10, would get trampled by a moose again.