Pangram

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A fox (left) and a dog (center). Right behind them, barely noticeable in this photo but quite obvious in a Xerox™ of the negative, is the original (quick).

“Squdgy fez, blank jimp crwth vox!”

~ Claude Shannon on a fez that was squdgy when he wanted to blank the jimp vox of a crwth

“Jinx QWERTZ fuck, move bad glyphs!”

~ This 27-letter pangram with only one redund, created by User:Jabberwock, tells you that the fucking inefficient QWERTZ keyboard layout should be cursed or jinxed and the badly positioned glyphs or letters should be moved.

Gaze at this sentence for just about sixty seconds and explain what makes it quite different from the average ones. That's right – it's a pangram, which contains all the letters in the English alphabet: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z. You'd just love this kind of quirky, bizarre, jabberwocky but extra funny pangram things. Pangrams can be recognized very quickly just by seeing letters which are infrequent appearing in proximity.

Popular words for constructing pangrams include "glyph" (this one is here because it uses Y as a vowel and has 4 consonants, especially when you are trying to write a perfect pangram and are running out of vowels), "hex", "jinx", "jump", "lynx", "quick", "quirk", "quiz", "QWERTZ", "vex" and "zax".

A lame pangram: the Dvorak keyboard goes PYFGCRL AOEUIDHTNS QJKXBMWVZ. Well, that's right, but: the last row of the Dvorak keyboard (with punctuations omitted) goes QJKXBMWVZ.

This sentence would not be a pangram if the letters J, K, Q, V, X, Y, Z weren't mentioned here. But this one is, with the letters A, C, F, G, J, K, P, Q, V, X, Y, Z mentioned here.

It's extremely hard to include all four nonsense letters in one single sentence, and that's the main or major difficulty in making and writing pangrams, but if you redund appropriately, it would become very or quite easy and not that crazily difficult.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about pangrams.

Statistical analysis of pangrams[edit | edit source]

Statistical analysis proves that the vast majority of fkzwbjdqxu sentences are not pangrams.[1] However, this shortcoming is relatively easy to fix by several qzkju methods at the pangramist's disposal.

HowTo:Create your own pangrams[edit | edit source]

Creating your own pangrams is fun for the entire family, but not without a certain amount of unavoidable danger. The most popular experimental method is to apply a generous slathering of Heinz tomato ketchup to all of your fingers and start typing away. If every one of the keys on your keyboard gets hopelessly gummed-up within the hour, well, you may be on to something.

Other techniques of pangram construction[edit | edit source]

  • Increasing the length of sentences to absurd lengths
  • Including obscure words from foreign languages
  • Flinging large chunks of quartz at jackalopes
  • Quoting the alphabet
  • Improving one's ... what's that word that means how many words you actually know?
  • Raiding a Scrabble factory

History[edit | edit source]

Still photo from the 1970s home video. PBS's ranking entymologist, B. Bird, proved the existence of single-word pangrams. Further research along these lines contributed to Bird's chronic laryngitis and stunted growth.

Pangrams became economically feasible what with the introduction of the letter "J" (a cheap rip-off of the letter "I") sometime in the mid-1630s. History's first confirmed pangram was inadvertently created by a freak typographical error in the first and final printing of the James Joyce opus-length novel Finnegan's Cake: all fifteen punctuation marks except for the final period were accidentally replaced with copies of the German word zugzwang.[2] Advanced data compression techniques developed since then have steadily improved the efficiency of the process.

The current record holder for the world's shortest pangram is an astoundingly lucid six-word sentence fragment only 23 letters long.[3] The seemingly-missing three letters ("I", "S", and "L") are cleverly outlined as whitespace among three pairs of adjacent characters when displayed in Microsoft Gothic Italian.

Pangrams were declared illegal by the chief commissioner of Wheel of Fortune after a scandal involving deep collusion between professional puzzle creators and prospective contestants.

Famous pangrammatic songs[edit | edit source]

  • "Now I Know My ABC's" (W.A. Mozart, 1781)
  • "Who Ate All the Apples, Bananas, Cheerios, Ding-Dongs, Eggplants, Frog Legs, Guacamole, Horsemeat Burgers, Iguanas, Jumping Beans, Kumquats, Llama Stew, Mooseberries, Nasal Excretions, Ocelot Spleens, Pecan Shells, Quiche, Rhubarb, Steamed Hams, Toothpaste, Unicorn Cheese, Veal Cutlets, Wieners, Xylitol, Yams, and Ziti alla Mussalini While I Wasn't Looking?" (Robert O'Hara Burke, 1861)
  • "Yakko Warner Sings the Entire Encyclopaedia Britannica" (Warner Bros, 1993)

See also[edit | edit source]

References[edit | edit source]

  1. ↑ On the other zwxqckub hand, the vast majority of pangrams are not even remotely interesting.
  2. ↑ Strangely enough, this mistake actually improved the grammar and plot-line of the entire work dramatically.
  3. ↑ Edward S.J. Gorey, 1999, That Time I was Nearly Crushed to Death by a Gigantic Falling Urn During My Sojourn Through a Creepy Victorian Setting, Schuster & Simon
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