National University of Saint Mark

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“UH OH!! I didn't pass the entrance exam. It's the end of the world!!!”

Peruvian on seeing that it will continue to be poor

University of San Marcos
MottoAcademis San Marci Terroris Vrbis Regvm in Perv. The first U in the Americas
EstablishedMay 12, 1551 B.C.
School typePublic
HeadPresident Peter Castle
LocationLimes, City of The Kings, Peru
Faculty150k (Tenured: 500)

The University of Peru (or Saint Marks') is the oldest in The Americas. Is the best Public University and the most recognized for poor people in Peru.

History[edit | edit source]

The National University of Saint Mark (UNIVERSIDAD NACIONAL MAYOR SAN MARCOS) is the educational institution oldest superior in America (Latíno, not U.S). In its beginnings it was an exclusive university, today, well, you know, expropriated. The university used to be located in elegant buildings in the Lima such as the Santo Domingo convent and later in what we know today as the Casona. The students were members of the Spanish colonial nobility, from countries of Peru Viceroyalty, Spain, River Plate viceroyalty, Chile, Upper Peru, Peruvian JungleWest Brazil, New Grenade viceroyalty, New Spain and Panama. Over the years the university was forgotten by the South American and Latino millionaires, and at the end of the 19th century there were only Peruvians and nerds. And there were also other best universities in Latin cities like Buenos Aires, Sao Paulo, Rio de Janeiro and Mexico City. For the 20th century, due to the massive influx of migrant cholos and poor people, the university had to move to Universitaria Avenue; there near the end of the world. The health school "San Fregando" are located on Grau Ave.

Long ago, when Huáscar and Atahualpa fought, the heavenly fortress that guarded the empire was abandoned and fell to the ground. Viracocha, the Inti and his entourage left the ship forever, fed up with helping the Incas and with human sacrifices to the Pachamama. The ship fell in 1551 near the Pacific Ocean, on top of a huaca, thus showing contempt for the Inca religion.

The ship, known today as San Macrosss City or University City, was partially rebuilt and adapted to the needs that today are its competence as a study center. In his story the most human feelings are mixed, such as fear, sadness, frustration, failure, heroism, and love, framed in a cruel ultra-technology war and the inevitable love triangles. It introduces elements such as razors and highlights between the queers of “Miss We are” from San Macrosss, and the typical little planes transforming into paper airplanes that are today a normal part of the campus fauna.

Campus[edit | edit source]

It is 1.6 km long. And inside it has a lot of free space, due to a shortage of faculties ...

University cafeteria[edit | edit source]

Amicably called "The Slow Death" It is an important field where students crowd when they have to fill their guts. In recent months there have been unpleasant circumstances, such as the 10 cent increase in the menu, which even threatened military intervention in the university. Students who survive the aforementioned dining room are given the pseudonym "worms", if they appear during lunch and "parasites", if they appear during breakfast, lunch and dinner.

It also has state-of-the-art portable toilets in which you will find revolutionary terrorist paintings such as: "Only socialism will save MexicoPeru", "Long live hentai", "Long live president Piérola", etc.

Theater and auditorium "Ella Dunbar Temple" (Latino: She buzzes in the temple)[edit | edit source]

It is a very "nice" catacomb, a useful refuge for an earthquake or recurring natural phenomena in Peru, since it has a great variety of exits. It is also known because in the mezzanine it is common to find students sleeping under the armchairs waiting for the drunkenness that occurred in the little backyard to pass.

University Clinic[edit | edit source]

It is a place where blood samples are taken in order to create an army of clones to fight. If you are injured or your arm becomes numb from jacking off writing, they can exchange it for a bionic implant.

The only known place where the surgery room works as a self-service.

Computer Center[edit | edit source]

The place with the most technology in the university, since it has state-of-the-art computers, high-definition monitors, updated and secure operating systems, optical mice and from where the pinhead shields are manipulated.

Gym[edit | edit source]

Place with a lot of exercise things like sand potato sacks and machines to exercise the pectoral nipples.

Pool[edit | edit source]

Place with the best and intellectuals girls in the country who will show their sports and artistic skills, especially in the water, you will see them as well as you dream them dressed.

The Diploma[edit | edit source]




An endowment of Cristal, Duff and Pilsen Callao Beers will be awarded to graduates.


  • Origins of the beer.
  • Alcohol and its role as a social lubricant.
  • Introduction to the Pitcher and the glass.
  • Financial mathematics of the drinker (how to avoid paying for extra drinks, how to collect “forgotten” returns from the waiters, how to calculate tips and others.
  • Introduction to the taking of faculties.
  • Introduction to the strike.


  • Alcohol as a substitute for the Psychiatrist.
  • Discussion I.
  • Drinks on the beach I.
  • Introduction to the handling of pisco.
  • Foods and songs that do not combine with alcohol.
  • Introduction to unemployment.


  • Importance of rum in decision-making powers.
  • Logistics and location of the drink.
  • Consequences of driving under the influence of alcohol (such as avoiding a fine).
  • Relativity of the beauty of women according to the level of alcohol (and how to remember that the woman you like is drinking by your side).
  • Theories of Marxism


  • Hangover I.
  • Alcohol as a complement to celebrations (Types of alcohol according to celebrations).
  • How to control a drunkard.
  • Friends, almost-brothers and compadres: basic differences.
  • Jurisdiction of the drunkard.
  • Course of How to react if you wake up and only show up dressed in a slips after a party?


  • Basic Family Excuses
  • Alcohol as an escape mechanism.
  • Open bar.
  • Drinks of men and women.
  • Guilt feelings I, how to control them.


  • Advanced labor excuses.
  • Professional ethics of the drinker.
  • Hangover II: treatment for acute hangovers.
  • Phone calls to ex-girlfriends: advantages and disadvantages.
  • Are Alcoholics Anonymous?
  • Group Works.

Notable alumni[edit | edit source]

See also[edit | edit source]