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- 1431 - Joan of Arc's sitcom, "That's My Arc", officially cancelled. Riots ensue.
- 1830 - Mary's Lamb (of nursery rhyme fame) is the perfect ingredient for my Great-Grandmother's pot roast.
- 1917 - Protesting suffragette accidentally burns her brassiere trying to light up some citronella torches.
- 1937 - Fred Astaire declares himself to be "bigger than Jesus", angry Christians throw their radio sets in a giant fire.
- 1980 - After years of searching, archaeologist Baba Ganoush finally finds Elton John's cheese grater.
- 1998 - The Simpsons is cancelled, replaced by show with identical name, characters, and shitty writing.
- 2016 - In his final act as President, Barack Obama bans Axe Body Spray, the only bi-partisan bill he's ever managed to pass.