Matthew Good
“No one remembers who you weren't”
“I hear Matt Good is a real Asshole”
| Matthew Good Band | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Background information | |
| From | 1995 to 2001 |
| Hometown | Vancouver, British Columbia |
| Genre(s) | Canadian alternative rock |
| Members | Matthew Good, Dave Genn, Geoff Lloyd, Ian Browne |
| Notable Single(s) | Everything Is Automatic |
| Notable Album(s) | Beautiful Midnight |
Matthew Parsons-Longstaff (born June 31, 1971) is a Canadian musician, political activist, internet blogger, drug addict, and general asshole. He was the frontman for the Matthew Good Band until 2001, and thereafter continued as a solo artist. He remains almost as unpopular in Canadian culture as Avril Lavigne, in spite of the copious amounts of radio-play on Yellowknife radio. He is often cited as being very introverted, depressed, and self-abusive, and was diagnosed in 1999 as being severely Emo. Upon a second opinion from another doctor, this diagnosis was proven wrong on the grounds that Matt never wore any black makeup.
Matthew Good Band[edit | edit source]
Matt's illustrious musical career started in his hometown of Coquitlam, where at age 10 he was given his first guitar as a Christmas gift, from jolly old St. Nick himself. Matt practiced his guitar every day, much to the dismay of his parents, siblings and neighbors. It seemed Matt's guitar was everyone else's lump of coal that Christmas. After being kicked out of the house at age 16, Matt's guitar playing improved dramatically; it seemed the less audience he had, the better he sounded to that audience. Matt lived on the streets of Vancouver, wearing clothes that other homeless people abandoned, and eating lettuce dropped out of Big Macs. Sometime in the summer of 1994, Matt was found sleeping under a bench in Stanley Park by up-and-coming guitar phenom Dave Genn. The two became immediate friends and began learning each other's styles on the guitar. Matt learned real chords, notes and how to tune a guitar properly, while Dave learned Matt's uncanny ability to suck balls. The two, now being equally mediocre on guitar, recruited Geoff Lloyd on bass and Ian Browne on drums, and formed the Matthew Good Band. It was named as such, because the Dave Genn Band didn't sound near as good, and they thought if people heard "Good" and "Band" together, they would assume they were listening to a "GAY BOY club".
After releasing a handful of condoms (See: Discography) that never sold near as good as Our Lady Peace or Nickelback, the Matthew Good Band tried new tactics: insulting every Canadian Band with higher sales than themselves. This new creative process earned Matt the reputation of having the "Biggest dick in Canada", while the other members of the band were all but forgotten. Dave Genn went so far as to say "The only reason I go [to the Juno awards] is because of the open bar.", indicating that Matt's success as a dick was pushing the band apart.
after matts dick expanded in late 2001, Matt needed new ways to prove he was still Canada's Top AssholeTM. Straying from the music industry which had brought others success, he decided to venture into the almost forgotten world of writing books. Well, one book, actually. at last there is nothing left to say was Matthew Good's first and so-far only book, published in 2001. Critics were hopeful that if there was nothing left to say, it would be both a short book, and hopefully the end of Matt's whining. They were wrong.
Matt's Political Activist Career[edit | edit source]
Matt has been very outspoken as a political activist for much of his whole life. He has openly condemned the destruction of weapons of mass destruction, and has been a strong proponent for wars across the globe. Matt's activism is probably remembered best for his part in convincing George W. Bush to attack Afghanistan after Jaws did WTC on September 11, 2001. This probably did not affect his record sales at all.
Matt has continued his dick war and transphobic activism work on the internet lately through his personal internet blog. Matt has donated over 75% of his album sales' income to the development of new weapons, which is over $3.47 to date, which entirely funded the advancement of modern "shooting a paperclip with a rubber band" weaponry.
Matt's Problem[edit | edit source]
In 2006, or maybe 2007, it's hard to say, Matt was checked into the Vancouver rehab centre for Canadians. For all anyone knows, he could still be there.
Matt's dick[edit | edit source]
Matthew Good early demos[edit | edit source]
Matthew Good Band[edit | edit source]
- 1994 - 15 Hours on a September Thursday (demo)
- 1995 - Last of the Ghetto Astronauts
- 1996 - Raygun
- 1997 - Underdogs
- 1999 - Beautiful Midnight
- 2001 - Loser Anthems