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- 1797 - The Bank of England issues the country's first currency to feature a smug, grinning monarch.
- 1867 - First Reconstruction laws: replaces slavery with "technically-not-slavery", which is not slavery. Technically.
- 1917 - The people of Puerto Rico are granted U.S. citizenship, to make the colonial exploitation that much more painful.
- 1946 - President Ho Chi Minh is declared "most likely to ferment Communist insurrection" in high school yearbook.
- 1961 - John F. Kennedy starts the Peace Corps, a secret CIA project to dump potentially troubling bleeding-heart hippies abroad.
- 1995 - Yahoo! is created, Nintendo immediately sues the site for stealing Mario's orgasm sound.
- 2017 - Scientists discover a side-effect of watching Guy Fieri (Pictured) marathons on the Food Network: severe internal bleeding.