HowTo:Fall Down a Mineshaft and Die and Come Back as a Ghost that Haunts the Mineshaft
Field Guide: Falling Down a Mineshaft[edit | edit source]
So, like many, you've decided you've had enough of life being a serf in the early post-feudal days on the Manchurian Coast in the 1930's and its time to accidentally fall down into a mineshaft while wandering around, half-drunk, half-hard, jazzed out of your mind, looking for anything to take your mind off of the collapse of dynastic powers, the Communist takeover, the Japanese occupation, or machinegun-wielding (ex)warlord-controlled pseudo-fiefdoms emerging in towns and villages all along the countryside. Now, don't go rushing in head-first (or do!) there are a few preliminaries that every haint must understand before plumbing the depths and returning as a spectre.
Step 1: Finding the Ideal Mineshaft[edit | edit source]
Selecting the ideal mineshaft is crucial for a successful descent and haunting. You've gotta find the one that screams "you" before "you" can "scream" in "it" (the mineshaft). Look for mineshafts with a touch of historic charm, preferably those long-abandoned or rumored to be cursed.
Remember: Not all mineshafts are created equal. Do your research and pick one that's haunted-friendly, ideally with a long history of tragic accidents and gruesome deaths.
It's important to pick a location that not only possesses treacherous depths but also a rich backstory that can fuel your spectral vengeance. Stay up to date on all today's mine-lore, ask yoursef:
- Is this really a mineshaft, or just a pit someone dug?
- How difficult would it be to get a stretcher down here? How deep are the depths? Are we talking pitch-blackness?
- How remote is the place? Is someone gonna find me here, remove my corpse, and have a monk bless it so I can move on to a pleasant afterlife? You don't want that.
- Consider: Are you looking to fall, or have something shake loose from screaming echo vibrations and fall on you and crush your skull? Check potential stalagmites for crumbility.
- How about scenery? What are some potential distractions I can get focused on so I don't see the entrace and whauaa OSHI--!
- What were they mining here? You're going to be down here for a long, long time, so make sure the substance they were mining for is something of interest to you. Classic coal, gold, silver, heck even tin or mercury. Each has its potential strengths and drawbacks, find the one that resonates with you.
- Wait, why is it the 1930's? And why am I in China during the... communist revolution? This feels like I'm in somebody else's past life or something, fever-dream, Zoinks! This is too weird, man, I'm clicking the back button..!
Step 2: Taking the Plunge[edit | edit source]
The next step on your path to hauntdom is, quite literally, taking the plunge down the inclined shaft. Remember, this is not your average tumble down the stairs or a casual stumble on a sidewalk. We're talking about a grand entrance into the world of spectral shenanigans. So, prepare yourself for a thrilling journey!
- Timing is everything: It's important to time your fall just right to ensure a successful ghostly transformation. Some experts recommend falling during a full moon, while others suggest the witching hour. Experiment with different timing until you find what works best for you.
- Dive in headfirst: This may seem counterintuitive, but experts agree that diving in headfirst is the most effective way to become a ghost. You want to hit the bottom hard and fast to ensure a clean break from your physical body.
- Don't forget the snacks: Being a ghost can be hungry work. Pack some snacks to bring with you on your journey, preferably something light and airy that won't weigh you down.
- Learn from the veterans: Talk to other ghosts who have successfully made the transition and learn from their experiences. They can offer valuable insights into the afterlife and help you navigate the sometimes tricky transition from the physical world to the spiritual realm.
Step 3: Calling for Help and No one Answers[edit | edit source]
An important breakthrough in mineshaft plummeting-to-your-death tech recently developed by top researchers in the field have concluded that the most suitable death for re-Apparition is one where you're screaming in agony, pissed off that your screams go unheard, and eventually leaving your corporeal form in such a manner that your spirit is simply compelled to come back in order to haunt those FOOLS, those COWARDS who neglected to come DOWN there and SAVE you! So belt it out in your final hours! Take inspo from Mama from Death Stranding, except you
become the ghost-baby instead of getting rescued. Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello ---! oh hello mr. rat.
Geist 'Guest-Guide' from the Zeitgeist[edit | edit source]
🎵 "Who's the ghostly shafter that's a ghost among the living? SHAFT! You're damn right!" 🎵
In this brief side-tour among the winding caverns, we channel the spirit of SHAFT, the iconic character of blaxploitation fame. As a pro shafter who's done more for shafting in the passed 40 years than all the glory holes in Jew Jersey combined, SHAFT has some words of wisdom for aspiring mineshaft ghosts:
"Listen up, all you newly minted mineshaft ghosts! SHAFT is here to drop some knowledge on y'all. Bein' a ghost ain't all glitz and glamour, baby. It takes style, swagger, and a whole lot of soul. So pay attention, 'cause I'm about to lay down the ghostly law.
First off, you gotta own your afterlife. You're a ghost now, and that means you've got unfinished business to attend to. Maybe it's seeking revenge on the mining company that let you fall, or maybe it's just having some mischievous fun. Whatever it is, be bold, be <big>, be
strikethrough, but most of all, be fearless, and do it with style. Ghostly fashion is the key to a hauntingly memorable presence. Ditch your earthly threads and embrace a more ethereal wardrobe. Flowing white sheets are a classic choice, but feel free to get creative! Perhaps a dapper Victorian ensemble or an otherworldly disco jumpsuit will give your spectral form that extra pizzazz.
Second, remember that you're not alone in this spectral realm. There's a whole community of ghostly beings out there, each with their own stories to tell. So network, connect, and share your haunting techniques. Together, we can create a ghostly revolution that'll shake those mortal boots!
And finally, don't forget to groove to the rhythm of the afterlife. Ghostly disco, soulful jazz, or hauntingly melodic tunes—it's all part of the supernatural soundtrack. Let the music guide you as you glide through the ethereal corridors of the mine you call mine.
So, my fellow mineshaft ghosts, SHAFT's got your back. Embrace your spectral powers, strut your ghostly stuff, and remember, you're not just any ghost—SHAFT is one bad mother(shafter). SHAFT!"
🎶 SHAFT! Can you dig it? 🎶
Step 4: Master the Art of Eerie Floatation[edit | edit source]
Perfecting the art of floating effortlessly is a vital skill for any aspiring mineshaft ghost. Practice your levitation techniques by suspending yourself mid-air, gracefully gliding through walls, and inducing spine-tingling chills in unsuspecting passersby. Confidence is key here —own your ghostly aura and spook with style! But don't float too far ahead dear reader, you never want to leave the confines of where your soul's been entombed, so work on drifting downwards early in the game.
Step 6: Embrace Your Ghostly Quirks[edit | edit source]
Every ghost needs a signature haunt, a gimmick that sets them apart from the spectral crowd. Whether it's jingling chains, rattling doors, eerily cooing AAAAAAAA! or mysteriously rearranging mining equipment, find your haunting niche and embrace it with ghoulish enthusiasm. A little mischief and a touch of spectral humor can go a long way in ensuring a memorable haunting experience. Embrace your new ghostly form: Once you've successfully made the transition, it's important to embrace your new ghostly form. Experiment with your new powers and abilities, and don't be afraid to haunt the living. After all, that's what being a ghost is all about!
Step 7: Scare with Spectral Showmanship[edit | edit source]
As a mineshaft ghost, your goal is to strike fear into the hearts of anyone foolish enough to venture into the depths. Employ theatricality and showmanship to heighten the scare factor. Though it's not all doom and gloom down there, do try to keep the living on their toes, a haunting rendition of the "Monster Mash" or a ghostly tap dance routine can leave your victims both terrified and entertained—strike a balance between fright and delight, keeping the living terrified yet fascinated by your ghostly presence. Perfect your performance, for it is now showtime in the dark and dismal depths of your final resting place.
Step 8: Choosing a "Fall Guy"[edit | edit source]
When it comes to navigating the unpredictable world of mineshaft hauntings, sometimes in the tunnels things can take an unexpected tumble for the wurst. That's when having a "fall guy" lined up becomes crucial. Now, don't worry, we're not talking about passing the blame onto some poor unsuspecting sucker, here. Instead, we're diving headfirst into the pun-tastic world of wordplay! (ugh, get it? cause.. fall) Here's how to choose a reliable fall guy:
- Find a willing accomplice: Look for someone who's eager to participate in your ghostly adventures and is willing to take the heat if things go south. This individual should have a grasp on improvisation and a willingness to play the part. Consider enlisting a sidekick who's willing to play along, someone with a knack for physical comedy and a penchant for slapstick.
- Assess their trustworthiness: It's essential to select someone you can rely on to maintain the secret of your ghostly existence. Trustworthiness is key, as they'll be taking on the role of the scapegoat, shielding you from suspicion and investigation. Making sure your fall-guy on his toes is key to keeping him off-balance, so be sure to constantly call into question whether he is or is not indeed "da friggin' rat".
- Embrace the sacrificial spirit: Your fall guy should understand the importance of self-sacrifice for the greater ghostly good. They should be willing to take the blame, confess to spectral mischief, and provide plausible explanations for any strange occurrences. Picture this: You're busy levitating objects, making eerie noises, and pulling ghostly pranks. Suddenly, your loyal fall guy walks into the room, conveniently tripping over their own feet and causing a comical chain reaction that distracts from your ghostly mischief. It's a win-win situation!
- Establish a code of silence: Airtight secrecy is paramount. Ensure that your fall guy understands the need to keep your identity as a mineshaft ghost a secret. Encourage them to develop a convincing cover story and rehearse it together to ensure consistency.
- Offer compensation: While it's not necessary, a little incentive can go a long way. Consider rewarding your fall guy with otherworldly favors, spooky souvenirs, or exclusive access to the forbidden realms. The fall guy is your partner in crime, the ying to your spectral yang 🤙. Together, you can create a dynamic duo that will keep the living on their toes and ensure your ghostly reputation remains intact. Just make sure to choose someone who's willing to take the fall—literally and figuratively—for your ghostly endeavors. Remember, a grateful ghost is a ghost with a loyal fall guy.
Final Step: Remember the Mineshaft Ghost Code[edit | edit source]
Even in the realm of the supernatural, we must adhere to certain guidelines. Avoid haunting the same individuals repeatedly (it gets old fast), refrain from petty ectoplasmic pranks, and always respect the afterlife rights of your fellow phantasms. Remember, being among the shrieking undead doesn't mean you can't follow basic ethics! Follow these simple guidelines and you too can make your way to the bottom of any crevás that suits your fancy.
See Also[edit | edit source]
The author will finish it later. Or not. Should they choose the latter, within seven days, this page will not exist anymore. Now, Go away!