Forum:Uncyclopedia is so slow why is this happening and other such nonsense?

Forums: Index > Village Dump > Uncyclopedia is so slow why is this happening and other such nonsense?

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• Lately Uncyclopedia pages have been loading really really slow. This sucks. I want all of the facts. Such as who do I blame? Wikia? Spang? Nintendorulez? Who could be behind this evil scheme? When will it end? Is it related to maintenance that will in someway improve my quality of unlife? I'll let you know when I think of more questions. In the meantime get me some answers. Thanks. -- The Zombiebaron 05:28, November 6, 2010 (UTC)

  Wikia, definitely Wikia, when they stop trying to make things better and realise that all they're doing is alienating people, no, and I caught your squid sneaking into my freezer again. How'm I doing so far? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101106 - 05:42 (UTC)

  We should send them a strongly worded letter requesting that they turn access to the wiki back on again. And the hot water. And the URL. -- The Zombiebaron 05:53, November 6, 2010 (UTC)

  Think it'd help? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101106 - 06:09 (UTC)

  Probably not. -- The Zombiebaron 06:45, November 6, 2010 (UTC)

  Sorry, the terrier pooch I'm babysitting might have chomped down a hamster or two... She's acting all caffeinated, though I told her to cut down on the Mountain Dew... As a more serious note, since I'm connecting via my bookmark that says uncyclopedia.wikia.com, it might actually make my life easier... It's slow, but it kinda works. Just a guess. -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 09:10, 6 Nov

  I keep telling everyone. Aleister 13:25 6 11

  A wizard did it --Mn-z 13:12, November 6, 2010 (UTC)

  Wouldn't a wizard be the one fixing it? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101106 - 15:08 (UTC)

  Wizards are known to screw things up, also, screw things. I think Wikia's staff is made up completely out of wizards. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:12, 6 November 2010

  If they had wizards, surely they'd be able to... well... actually, that could explain how the company hasn't gone floppity. Huh. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101106 - 15:21 (UTC)

typical Wikia staff, or something. --Mn-z 15:26, November 6, 2010 (UTC)

Is it? Odd... Illogicopedia censored it due to its extremely offensive nature, so it might fit. And ye, that's where I get my news. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101106 - 15:33 (UTC)

On a related note, I can't load up Uncyclopedia.org half of the time.

Anyone else having this problem? Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:02, November 6, 2010 (UTC)

Occasionally, yes. Though it sounds like you're having it a lot worse. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:06, 6 November 2010

Aye, and it's quite annoying, since all the interwiki links from Illogicopedia go to that... sometimes, when I accidentally close my tabs, it's my only lazy way back here. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101106 - 16:19 (UTC)

When I google to come here I just use the first four letter, Uncy, and that's enough. Which is why I call us Uncy. And why hasn't an admin talked to Sannse about banning her until these things are fixed, since wikia is, by definition, vandalizing the site. Wikia has even placed an ad at the top of my user page, which now pushes the snowball army gif way down the page. Aleister 20:14 6 11

Because Sannse is the only Wikia person willing to help us out? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:15, 6 November 2010

She also just plain can't be banned. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101106 - 20:52 (UTC)

New information about this ongoing problem

• Earlier this evening I went onto IRC and bothered people in #wikia and #uncyclopedia until sannse magically appeared to help solve the problem. I'm actually not sure what happened after that because I had to leave. But apparently the problems we were/still are experiencing are due to the Spotlights (those Wikia ads at the bottom of the screen). Big surprise, eh? So I don't actually know if the problem is fixed but stuff seems to be loading faster now. If you are still experiencing problems or just think you're really funny please comment below. -- The Zombiebaron 02:43, November 7, 2010 (UTC)

  Actually, apparently it was the caching. Someone tried to explain it, but I was tired and he was tired and only the awake people understood... something about server-side refreshing frequency. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101107 - 02:47 (UTC)

  I think it makes for a better story if we blame the spotlights. -- The Zombiebaron 02:55, November 7, 2010 (UTC)

  Aye, but it didn't explain the difference between being logged out and in. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101107 - 03:22 (UTC)

  I used Adblocker Plus (henceforth "ABP") to block the spotlights and it dropped the load time by nearly 30 seconds to just 48 seconds for the main page. Right now, the thing is a little faster, but I'm still experiencing problems at "North American Peak Hours", so I suspect it has to do with the amount of simultaneous queries to the server as well. But I'm not sure if I'm making sense. I am cute, though, and cute covers for some lack of IT-literacy, right? -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 09:24, 7 Nov

  Oh... *blocks them* Why in the blazes did I not think of doing that before? Hey, this does help. And it's prettier... whatever the main problem was, they sure have a way about mixing in other ones, eh? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101107 - 16:24 (UTC)

  I hate to be a downer, but the problem isn't if we can fix it, which is nice, but that new users and people just glancing at the site will see horrid things and run away never to return. That is still the major problem with all of this stuff, imnho. Just because we can put on a mask doesn't mean that other people don't have to look at animals like us who don't put on a mask. Or something. Aleister 16:30 7 11

  Whereas masks aside, I see the problem as a technical one - they keep making new problems and don't even clean up the old ones... so we're all doomed, anyways, regardless of who does or doesn't stick around... ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101107 - 16:36 (UTC)

  Really? They'll see horrid things and run away? And when these problems are fixed, what will they see, hmmm? I rest my case. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 21:41, November 7, 2010 (UTC)

Separately, pages blanked after loading

About a week ago, every Uncyclopedia page was automatically erased, just after it was rendered on my screen. I solved the problem by turning off Java and Javascript on my PC. Romartus reported the same problem, which temporarily kept him from logging on, but the same solution worked for him. The problem ceased after a day.

The UnNews Front Page loads a lot more slowly than other Uncyclopedia pages. I suspect that the new process of compiling an index is slower than the old, and also suspect (from What Links Here) that the purge process builds other things than the Front Page.

I disable the ads with personal standing orders in a CSS file on my PC. I guessed that the blanking problem was Wikia toying with having a Javascript program build the web page on the fly. Several sites I visit do this, so that you can't see the page's source code, can't steal the code, and can't understand the code sufficiently to disable parts of it. Spıke ¬ 02:13 8-Nov-10

OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM

I blame this for the slow loading of pages. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill | 10:20, November 7, 2010 (UTC)