Bette Davis

Absolutely the greatest actress of her time

Ruth Elizabeth "Bette" Davis (April 5, 1908 – October 6, 1989) was a cinema legend, the idol of many, and the Queen of Hollywood. On the side she acted in a few films, smoked millions of cigarettes and in the end died like we all will.

Known for her ability to communicate more with her eyes than William Jennings Bryant could cover in one seven-hour oratory, Davis was awarded the coveted Iris Award by the American Opthalmology Congress in 1938, and an Oscar, or two, from the Academy of Motion Picture Sciences. She is also remembered for her ongoing friendly competition with fellow thespian Joan Crawford.

From Broadway to Hollywood

Taking a stage name and now known as "Rita" to her friends, the twenty-year-old Davis got her start in the world of Hollywood glamor in the Broadway film, Smoke 'em If You Got 'em, a musical homage to American tobacco. Davis earned a coveted 23 seconds of film time dancing her feet off while languidly inhaling and exhaling on a total of 36 unfiltered cigarettes.

Bette, in her "awkward" years

Said the critics:

"... it's the skinny white woman with thyroid disease in the chorus line of "Smoke, Smoke, Smoke That Cigarette" who steals the show, in spite of her offensive eyebrows ... her massive peepers and dilated pupils tell the story of the joys of puffing away. Rita Rottencrotch is her name ... she's the bee's knees ..."

The new Bette Davis: legit.

Studio executives pulled quickly Rita Rottencrotch from the line but found that her name would be too long for theater marquees. Thus Rita Rottencrotch was re-reborn as Bette Davis.

Early career

The Studio executives, recognizing Bette's talent, decided she was worth the fortunes necessary to make her beautiful. After extensive cosmetic surgery, and seventeen separate wax jobs for her brows, she was ready for the Big Screen. Her acting, though dank, soon became secondary to her looks – with people sitting in darkened theaters mesmerized by her face and her affective diction.

The Queen of Hollywood

After landing a few "quality" roles in period pieces such as The Bad Sister, and the Cabin in the Cotton, Bette Davis got into some serious acting after castrating the youngest Warner Brother ... which ironically led to her nickname, The Fifth Warner Brother.

Bette Davis was pretty hot shit.

Other films

• 20,000 Years in Sing Sing
• Of Human Bondage
• The Petrified Forrest
• It's Love I'm After
• Jezebel
• Dark Victory
• The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex
• The Little Foxes
• Now, Voyager
• All About Eve
• What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?

In addition to acting, Davis soon became known as one who devoured men, quite literally. She was married four times, and of her husbands, three filed charges of rape against her, though no District Attorney would prosecute. It would be safe to say that Bette Davis was kind of a bitch.

Bette Davis was world-renowned for her screaming ability.

Working relationship with Joan Crawford

The mere mention of Joan Crawford's name was guaranteed to send Davis into fits of hysteria. The two enjoyed a working relationship much like that of U.S. and the Soviet Union during the cold war.

Crawford, who needed tons of spackle makeup to achieve the same effect as Davis's eyes, frequently crept into contract discussions and swiped her food. And the two often fought, blood everywhere, over who got to take Cary Grant et al home for ... um, coffee.

"You know Bette," Crawford once chastised her, "They say that for every cigarette you smoke you lose five minutes from your life." Davis responded by lighting up, blowing her hot smoke right into Crawford's face, and calling her a nasty old cooch.

In the end, Crawford was victorious in meeting death first, something that Davis – who had been smoking like a fiend to achieve first – never forgave her.

"You know," Davis said while giving Crawford's eulogy, "nothing would have given me more pleasure than if Joan were alive today ... Because if she were, I'm sure at this very moment she would be clawing, helplessly, to get out of that sealed coffin."

Her last years

By 1989 Davis was a mere echo of the robust woman she had been in youth. Now wrinkled, wilting and wizened she died much like she lived – smoking a cigarette. On an inhale, she pierced the veil of smoke and majesty that was her art and gently discorporated.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what you call one tough old broad.

Memorable lines

• "The best time I ever had with Joan Crawford was when Baby Jane pushed her down the stairs."
• "Shut up and take it, Ron."
• "Humphrey Bogart loved to wear my underwear ... and he loved it even more when I wore the strap-on."
• "When a man gives his opinion he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion she's a bitch."
• "Everybody has a heart. Except some people."
• "Why am I so good at playing bitches? I think it's because I'm not a bitch. Maybe that's why Miss Crawford always plays ladies."
• "Sex is God's joke on human beings."
• "I survived because I was tougher than anybody else."

See also

• Alive with pleasure