Golden age
A Golden age is a period of time that took place fifty years ago (or more), in which historians – by "historians" we mean "old people" – unanimously agree that every quantifiable facet of life was immeasurably better. This is curious, because actual historical records do not corroborate these findings, but old people consistently maintain that life was better with lead in the gasoline (and paint) and asbestos everywhere else.
Daily living[edit | edit source]
Those surveyed cannot believe what the world has come to these days. Why in their day coffee was a nickel a cup (free refills), gasoline was a quarter a gallon (not allowed to pump it yourself) and men worked – good, honest, backbreaking, non-OSHA-certified work – for two cents an hour.
Yes, those were the days; when cars were metal and grass wasn't plastic. Those surveyed indicated that a casual weekend at home involved a game of catch with the kids, some gardening for the missus, and Cavalcade of Stars in low-def black and white.
Interestingly, many subjects paradoxically indicate that life was actually more difficult, and it has been repeatedly asserted that one had to walk three miles in the snow, uphill both ways, in order to use the lavatory, get to school or rent a prostitute. Subjects invariably dozed off before these discrepancies could be resolved.
Childhood leisure[edit | edit source]
"Kids today don't know nothin'", report 71% of those surveyed. "Little bastards sit inside all day with their Nintendos and never go outside to a busy city street to play hopscotch in the middle of multi-ton automobiles with drum brakes. Bet they never played with a hoop nor a stick neither."
Fun childhood activities also included catchin' frogs, lightnin' bugs, measles, mumps, and polio.
