Bærum
Bærum, also known as Baerum and Sosser City, is a city in Norway which is the unofficial capital of Akershus, a county which to foreigners, just means that it isn't Oslo. Filled to the brim with posh people, the city's residents are known for their special skills of being rich and spending it on expensive things. Actually, they have their own currency and language, called Posh Norwegian. As a result, Bærum seems more like an elitist country than a city. Despite not being an independent state, Bærum is ruled by a one-party government called Høyre. Even though people vote for a new state council every four years, Høyre always win. This has caused many Norwegians to claim the city is like Iraq. Pre-ISIS, of course.
The history of Bærum is intertwined with elitism, religion, but mainly capitalism. As early as the 20th century, rich people had already taken over most of the city. As a result, all the poor people got pushed to the west, causing many of them to be an inspiration for American ghettos. Nowadays, the city's residents, nicknamed sossers, have singlehandedly increased the yearly earnings of luxury brands like Gucci, Rolex, and Prada by over 10%.
Transportation[edit | edit source]
To even get to the city, you have to buy, not rent, a limousine that is posh enough for the guards. If not, you will likely never be seen again. To know if your limo is good enough for the city, make sure it succeeds in the "Poshness Index". This involves checking whether the limo's exhaust is the #1 cause of global warming, ensuring that the limousine has the newest iPhone on it, and making sure that the car's less than a month old. If your car fails and you leave, prepare for all the sossers to mock you for how poor you are. For those who truly want to brag about their wealth, they can choose to bypass the roads. This is because most possers land their private jet at a nearby airfield and use a luxury helicopter to be whisked away to Bærum. It's the ultimate way to avoid the traffic jams that often affect the less privileged vehicles.
As you might see, Bærum is highly segregated to the richest only, but if you want to at least peek into the city, the requirements are slightly less extreme. All you need to do is to keep your vehicle in pristine condition. Bærum’s standards are notoriously high, and even the smallest scratch on your car will result in you being sent to the nearest "less exclusive" town and blacklisted from being anywhere near Bærum. This might seem like a long list to follow, but luckily, there's one show, a British one, which gives you the instructions. Top Gear.
Demographics[edit | edit source]
Like many posh cities, Bærum primarily consists of people so white that even Vanilla Ice would seem like Jay Z compared to them. As a result, many Neo-Nazis stay in the city, making sure that there is a Norse majority. Despite their attempts, non-Norse people do exist, making up around a sixth of the city's populace. These people are mainly Poles, Swedes, or Russians, but some are actually non-European, with a minority of the minority being Muslims. Just like many cities consisting of elitist white people, the soss are paranoid about Muslim people, thinking that every single Muslim dude is either carrying a bomb in their pockets or will crash an airplane into a building. As a result, in 2019, one man attempted to solve this by trying to murder an entire mosque. It failed.
However, if instead of those people, you're looking for people of middle-class or lower, then the non-soss will suffice. These people make up no more than a six inhabitants per thousand soss, and only exist due to being the assistants of the soss. The non-soss are often derogatively nicknamed nerd or geek by the soss. However, in Bærum, many nerds and geeks are made up by the soss, trying their best to segregate the non-soss. Because of this, quite a few of the soss call themselves "keeG", which is a clever and cunning way of showing that they are the opposite of a geek. Many a non-soss have laughed at this show of lacking intelligence. The soss however, don't seem to take notice of this, and keep up their habits of constant boozing in the weekends alongside asking for their daddy's credit card.
