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- 1132 - A Catharist sect in southern France incorporates Donkey Punching into their mass following a mistranslation of Matthew 21:7.
- 1456 - The printing of the Gutenberg Bible is completed by Steve Gutenberg.
- 1463 - Portuguese language discovered to be mispronounced Spanish.
- 1561 - Prince Willem of Orange marries Duchess Anna of Sherbert.
- 1853 - Potato chips invented. This is hailed as a triumph, as it will finally permit people to get rid of the vast mountains of dip that clog the streets of Europe.
- 1995 - Mike Tyson converts to Christianity, kills several donkeys with uppercuts.
- 2011 - Barack Obama pardons a donkey for Good Friday, only to shove him into a glue extractor on Easter.