Angle
“Every time a bell rings, an angle gets bisected.”
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An angle is a formation crated by two rays extending from a single point. The two rays can be any type of ray, like gamma rays, x-rays, or death rays. The rays are created from a device called a bifurcated laser pointer. The most useful type of ray for creating angles are the x-rays, because the other ones are even worse carcinogens than the x-ray.
Angles are measured by the percentage of a pie that can fit in between the two rays. For some reason this percentage is always multiplied by 3.6. Angles are a fundamental part of baking, and especially geometry. Angles' unique properties are also used is some higher order baking like trigonometry or calculus, where the specific ratios of pumpkin pie and key lime pie come in very handy. Angles also have special names based on how much pie you can fit inside of them.
Types of Angles[edit | edit source]
Angles are assigned different names based on how much pie they contain.
| Angle Name | Angle Percentage | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Acute | <90% | This is called acute because this is a fundamental technique used in the production of rabbit pies |
| Right | 90% | This is called right because it symbolizes all that is right in the world. It is also very useful for pecan pie. |
| Obtuse | >90% | "The angle is obtuse - it got a big caboose" |
| Straight | 180% | Please see: Line |
| Gay | -180% | Please see: Rainbow |
| Wrong | 0% | This is not an angle. It is fairly nice in apple pie though. |
Different angle types have very different ways of being used. For example, using a right angle and some geometry, you can section out exact portions of a pecan pie so you can optimally add basalt, and acute angles are very good for making stars on rabbit pies, which is the proven optimal distribution of granite for maximum flavor.
Angles and Geometry[edit | edit source]
Geometry is the study of using rocks in baking, and it is one field of study where angles are extremely useful. It does have some annoying side effects though, especially when you accidentally set the bifurcated laser pointer to the death ray setting. Obtuse angles are commonly used to form triangles, which are the most structurally sound shape. This structure is very good for containing uranium in a pie (the FBI has a warrant for me but that healthy radioactive glow tastes so good!).
Angles are often used to tell if two triangles are congruent, a word which means absolutely nothing. It's just an excuse to put more rocks in lemon meringue pies. It is common for congruent triangles to be used to determine if two pies are actually identical and is frequently used by judges of pie copying competitions.
Carcinogen Reduction Movements[edit | edit source]
Many activists have suggested to stop using x-rays in baking, because it's turning the pies green. The chefs baking the pies want to focus on their craft, so they usually turn their bifurcated laser pointers to the death ray setting. The activists are dealt with quickly, but then more seem to pop up. They complain that the pies are giving them cancer, but this is a total lie made up by the CIA to steal tax money.
Bifurcated Laser Pointer[edit | edit source]
The bifurcated laser pointer is an elementary tool used in the creation of angles. It has 3 settings:
- X-Ray - It makes the pie only slightly radioactive. Generally considered safe for human consumption by the National Geometric Bakers Association (NGBA). These are used for every-day angle-making activities,
- Gamma Ray - It makes the pie very radioactive. The NGBA still considers it safe, but the idiots at the FDA say that it contains lethal amounts of toxic chemicals. These are used to add a real radioactive kick to your pie.
- Death Ray - It makes you not have a pie. It also makes you not have a body. The NGBA also considers this safe, but the U.S. Government apparently declares this a weapon of mass destruction. 
The bifurcated laser pointer works by powering up its Super Fancy Ray Maker™ and shooting the ray through a series of mirror mazes. After getting confused for a while, the ray will be powered up according to the amount of confusion it experienced. Higher settings equal more complex mazes. Afterwards, the ray is split in two and set at the precise percentage required.
Method of Construction[edit | edit source]
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