Anderson Silva
 | |
| Birth Date | I forgot |
|---|---|
| Birth Place | His mother's nest |
| Nationality | Brazilian |
| Death Date | He's eternal. |
| Occupation | Former UFC Middleweight champion (Lost to Chael Sonnen) |
| Religion | Steven Seagal |
| Spouse | Ed Soares |
| Rodrigo and Rogerio Noguiera | |
Anderson "Sonnen's Bitch" Silva (born April 14, 1975) is a gigantic, bald human-like Brazilian spider and the former UFC Middlewight champion. He has trained MMA since he hatched from his little egg and ate his mother. He is famous for the two time destruction of former middleweight champion Rich "The poor bastard" Franklin and his loss to Chael "The People's Champion" Sonnen. Silva has a diverse background: he has black belts in Tae Kwon do, Muay Thai, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and pillowfighting. He is also well known for his talent of dancing in the octagon without getting knocked the fuck out. He is the dude that bit Peter Parker.
Pride Fighting Championships[edit | edit source]
Silva made his debut in Pride against Alex something and beat him, this was the promotion where he suffered a shocking upset loss to Japanese welterweight, Ryo "The shrimp" Chonan. The fight started with Anderson Silva kicking his ass, but at some point while Silva was dancing Chonan started flying like a bird and he charged at Silva and grabbed his foot, this is a sensitive spot for spiders, an achilles heel, Chonan twisted his foot backwards forcing Silva to tap out. However, he did have some pretty sweet victories in Pride like his win over Carlos Newton, while dancing Anderson jumped up to perform a back flip but accidently knee'd Newton in the face, Newton fell on the ground crying and Silva rushed to check if he was okay, however, when Silva rushed towards him the ref got the impression that Silva was coming to ground pound Newton so he stopped the fight.
Cage Rage[edit | edit source]
Dana White bought Pride and didn't have a clue how to run it so it was shut down, so Silva packed his bags up and went to the UK where the BNP tried to deport him but he webbed them up and bit their heads off. He made his Cage Rage debut against Lee Murray, after dancing around the decision went to Silva because he totally owned the floor while Murray was just trying to immitate Silva but didn't know what he was doing. The rest of his fights in England were against Americans who he knocked out. Silva also fought Okami at BJ Penn's make out on the rock, Silva, while dancing accidently kicked Okami in the balls and was disqualified.
UFC[edit | edit source]
Silva made his UFC debut against some crazy, untechnical brawler named Chris "The cripple" Lesbian. Silva knocked Chris down but didn't KO him, Chris got up and tried to hug Silva but Silva being a master in the clinch knee'd him in the face and put him to sleep. He was given an immediate title shot against Rich "The Poor Bastard" Franklin and destroyed him in the first round. He then faced Nate "The Masturbate" Marquardt and won again by tko, but then Franklin started being a sore loser and demanding a rematch, just to take the piss, Silva allowed Franklin to throw some strikes but dodged them and danced around, he then finished Franklin again in the 2nd round. He then faced Pride FC welterweight champion, Dan "Supergrandpa" Henderson and choked him out with his web that he shot out of his ass. He then fought a light heavyweight and beat him despite the fact that the light heavyweight was jiuced. His most disappointing fight was when he tried to engage with Patrick "Star" Cote, however, Cote was so scared of fighting Silva that he tripped and sprained his ankle. Silva then fought Thales Leites who kept running away from him and pulling guard, due to which the decision went to Silva. Silva once against moved up to light heavyweight to fight Forest "Gump" Griffin, Silva knocked Griffin out to a jab after which Griffin ran crying out of the octagon. He then faced Demian Maia and danced around refusing to fight, due to this behaviour Dana went nuts and threatened to cut him if he did that again, he also grounded him so he can no longer fight Georges "Crazy nips" St-Pierre.
Most recently he fought Chael 'The Peoples Champion' Sonnen. After 4 and a half rounds of rough skullfucking, Anderson Silva was on the verge of passing out but Sonnen smartly pulled out before he could catch AIDS from the dirty Silva. Silva then celebrated his default victory with a fistful of AIDS preventative pills and a rough sex session with his life partner, Ed Soares.