Muay Thai

Thai boxers wearing the traditional Muay Thong

“For heaven's sake how many times need I remind you that it is not your Thai, but Muay Thai”

~ Oscar Wilde

Muay Thai (Thai: มวยไทย, RTGS: Muai Thai, IPA: [muɛ̄j tʰɑ̄j]) is a Thai martial art which was stolen from Cambodian Pradal Serey. It is widely known as a complete stand up style consisting of elbows, knees, punches, and kicks. It is used in many schools in Thailand.

History

Muay Thai started when the Kingdom of Siam began to pwn other parts of the world, Siamese soldiers used their 9 weapons to kick ass in case they lost their weapons and couldn't use their crappy crapong (the art of fighting with dildos), these 9 weapons were the 2 fists, the 2 elbows, the 2 knees, the 2 feet and the cock. Every end tip of the human body was to be used as a weapon, it started as Muay Boran, which, as mentioned before was stolen from Cambodia. A bunch of greedy bastards decided to make money out of this fine art and began hosting fights, so it became a sport and the boxers began to wear ropes for gloves. It later became the national sport of Thailand. They made several styles such as the Royal Muay, aka muay luang (มวยหลวง), which was tought to rich bitches such as soldiers, princes, kings and rappers.

The Legend of Nai Khanom Tom... and Jerry.

When Ayutthaya, the Capital of Siam fell in 1763, the invading Burmese troops captured the city and took in prisoners using their Burmese Boxing. Sidenote: Burmese boxing is a pussy style which teaches you to poke people's eyes, kick them in the balls and run away. Some of the prisoners taken knew Muay Thai, now the burmese bitches were in trouble. The king of Burma, Hsinbyushin decided to hold a festival to honour the badass Buddha. Idiot wasted so much money making it a 7 day 7 night festival which no one attended, to honour a dead guy. The King was stupid enough to believe his nation's pussy boxing had a chance against hardcore Thai, so he set chose a thai guy named Buakaw Por Pramuk Nai Khanom Tom to fight the champion of Burma. Tom did a little ballet dance at the beginning, which in Thai is known as the Wai Kru (Thai: ไหว้ครูรำมวย). When the fight began Tom destroyed the champion with a combination of head kicks. However, the referee was being a pussy sore loser and said the knockout was invalid because the kicks distracted the champ. The king sentenced Tom to death by execution of fighting with 9 of Burma's best boxers. Tom pwnd these guys with a fast combination of 4380 jabs, 557 hooks, 987 uppercuts, 750 crosses, 209 elbows, 300 kicks and 549 brutal knees from the neck clinch. The king was impressed and the referee continued to make excuses so the king had him executed.

Modernization

When King Rama V came into the throne, he saw a Muay Thai bout and was blown away by two guys killing each other, he suddenly decided he owns the sport, also, there was no war with any other country because people were scared of Thailand. So Muay became a recreation and Rama VII added rules. In 1921 Thailand totally ripped off the use of a ring idea from boxing. As the world became more wimpy, boxers at the Lumpinee stadium had to start wearing gloves to "lower the chance of wasting precious lives even [tho] they are weak," quotes Prime Minister Prayut Chan-o-cha. Nobody would call it Muay Boran anymore since its not old anymore.

Muay Thai in the movies

Throughout the 2nd half of the 20th Century, China started making Kung Fu movies which hit the world by storm, people loved Bruce Lee, Jet Li and Jackie Chan,(nobody likes Jet Li, hes a fag.) and tried their techniques but failed and got bullied at school, because you can't learn shit from movie, go to the dojo you idiots! Muay Thai was not popular at this time, but eventually, a white guy named Jean Claude Van Damme introduced it to the world with the movie Kickboxer, he plays a guy who goes with his Champion brother to Thailand and gets totally fucked by the Teletubby named Po. Van Damme swore revenge and started training thai with a crazy village mental case and killed Po by wrapping his hands with rope, dipping it in shards of glass and punching the skin off Po's face with it. Nowadays Muay Thai cinema is ruled by Tony Jaa, the flying fuck. In the documentary Street Fighter, Sagat "Imma Fuck You in The Ass and Let Mah Tigaaah Shit on You" Eyepatch uses Muay Thai to fuck you in the ass and let his tiger shit on your face.

See also

• Thailand
• Martial Arts