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From today's featured article 

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You have to be ready for everything. What if, say, you were just hanging at the basketball court at the local park, playing a casual pick-up game with a few of your best friends? Suddenly, you hear the roar of a crowd as you are suddenly approached by an enormous interloper. Could the crowd be screaming for you? No, they are, in fact, awed by the presence of Shaquille O'Neal, who in turn challenges you to a game of one-on-one. If you possessed the hops of Aaron Carter, besting Shaq would be small potatoes, but since you are not A.C., you must be prepared with a thorough strategy to beat Shaq real bad and make him cry. This time, it's for real.

It is a modestly known fact that Shaquille O'Neal is a sensitive, malleable soul, so it is best to start your game with a damaging psych-out to his fragile mind. Typical trash talk will not suffice here; your words must be as caustic as acid to splinter the fabric of his melonesque head and unwind his tenuous confidence sweater. The following list of verbal bullets have been used with success against the hall-of-fame athlete: (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
  • ... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers?
  • ...that Ram Ranch really rocks?
  • ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
  • ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
  • ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
  • ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?

In the news 

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Clearly not Deion Sanders vouching for his son

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and DeltaruneEurovisionRussian InvasionIsrael-Palestine conflictDOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft MovieTrump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths: Jay North • SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis • Shedeur Sanders' career, before it even started • Lar Park LinkinGawr GuraToxicityGirl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill SobuleRuth BuzziLeBron James' playoff run

Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global economy • Luigi MangioneKate MiddletonLaura PalmerDEIGoogle's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's chance at freedom

On this day 

Kurwa!

May 3: Fungal Infection Awareness Day

Picture of the day

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Orange, chewy, and holy; communion will never be the same again!

Image credit: RadicalX
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