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You have to be ready for everything. What if, say, you were just hanging at the basketball court at the local park, playing a casual pick-up game with a few of your best friends? Suddenly, you hear the roar of a crowd as you are suddenly approached by an enormous interloper. Could the crowd be screaming for you? No, they are, in fact, awed by the presence of Shaquille O'Neal, who in turn challenges you to a game of one-on-one. If you possessed the hops of Aaron Carter, besting Shaq would be small potatoes, but since you are not A.C., you must be prepared with a thorough strategy to beat Shaq real bad and make him cry. This time, it's for real.
It is a modestly known fact that Shaquille O'Neal is a sensitive, malleable soul, so it is best to start your game with a damaging psych-out to his fragile mind. Typical trash talk will not suffice here; your words must be as caustic as acid to splinter the fabric of his melonesque head and unwind his tenuous confidence sweater. The following list of verbal bullets have been used with success against the hall-of-fame athlete: (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that the Black Knight always triumphs? (Pictured)
- ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
- ... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers?
- ...that Ram Ranch really rocks?
- ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
- ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
In the news
- PBS and NPR to lose funding
- Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout
- Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide (Pictured)
- Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him
- Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo
- Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian
- World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church
- Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans
- New Easter Bunny is a fascist
- 4chan hacked, nobody cares
- Vatican commits simony
- YouTube child educator Ms. Rachel detained and deported by ICE
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers
Recent deaths: Jay North • SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis • Shedeur Sanders' career, before it even started • Lar Park Linkin • Gawr Gura • Toxicity • Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run
Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's chance at freedom
On this day
May 3: Fungal Infection Awareness Day
- 1494 - Christopher Columbus invents Jamaica after having failed to discover a route into the East Indies.
- 1791 - The May Constitution of Poland is proclaimed by the Polish diet, only to be promptly superseded by the Atkins Diet.
- 1810 - Lord Byron swims the Hellespont, for which he is finally awarded his Silver swimming badge.
- 1815 - Neapolitan War: Chocolate, Vanilla, and Strawberry easily defeat plain frozen yogurt.
- 1987 - Robert Palmer develops an unhealthy addiction to love which will eventually prove terminal, seventeen years later.
- 2001 - The U.S. loses its seat on the U.N. Human Rights Commission for the first time since the commission was formed in 1947, after inventing the Big Mac.
- 2008 - Poland's official constitutional lawyer (Pictured) escapes from his compound.
Picture of the day
Orange, chewy, and holy; communion will never be the same again! Image credit: RadicalX |
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