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From today's featured article
Are you the kind of person who is interested in telling other people what to do? Easily swayed by religious texts? Have an itchy trigger finger and a fondness for big red buttons? Do you have a pulse? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you might be the kind of person who'd enjoy being President of the United States! It's true, just about anybody can be President. The guy pictured on the right is no more qualified than your milkman or some random guy on the street, yet he made it to President and is having the time of his life. That could be you! Becoming President will not be easy though, so this handy guide is here to help you every step of the way. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747? (Pictured)
- ... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
- ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
- ... that Africa's space program, AIDS, has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
- ... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
- ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
- ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
In the news
- PBS and NPR to lose funding
- Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout
- Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide (Pictured)
- Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him
- Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo
- Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian
- World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church
- Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans
- New Easter Bunny is a fascist
- 4chan hacked, nobody cares
- Vatican commits simony
- YouTube child educator Ms. Rachel detained and deported by ICE
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers
Recent deaths: Jay North • SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis • Shedeur Sanders' career, before it even started • Lar Park Linkin • Gawr Gura • Toxicity • Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run
Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's chance at freedom
On this day
May 4: "May the Schwartz Be With You" Day
- 1904 - USA begins first efforts to curb illegal immigration with groundbreaking of Panama Canal, separating North and South America.
- 1953 - Ernest Hemingway awarded the Pulitzer Prize for his maritime opus, Shark Tale.
- 1960 - John Prescott wins the first of many pie eating contests.
- 1961 - Martin Luther King has a dream about going to school naked.
- 1978 - First recorded use of totally lame Star Wars May 4th pun by 8-year old girl. Parents cry, bullies begin to encircle.
- 1980 - Ronald Reagan loses in a winner-take all paintball tournament sponsored by Jodie Foster.
- 2004 - First annual Nigerian Email Writers Convention held.
- 2005 - The entire country of Portugal secedes and moves to Canada.
Picture of the day
A Sumo wrestler dealing his opponent the finishing blow. Image credit: Okochama |
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