User:Willy on wheels/History of Albania
Albania is one of the smallest the greatest countries in the world, it is the one that collapsed the world economy, it is most effective in the world economy, weakest technically equipped country the most advanced in leading-edge technology and the state with the ugliest flag in the Balkans flag worthy of its good and proud people. It has a history that extends for about 800 223.000.000 years on which this article is dedicated to.
Nobody knew that John Belushi had a younger brother until he made this clip talking for one minute about eagles and Albanian pride and history.
Chapter 1[edit | edit source]
Albanians were the first to evolve from monkeys to people. After they became people they immediately started to speak their language (the first language in the world). A few minutes after that they invented the telephone, Internet, the Kalashnikov, the automobile, the atom bomb, pot etc. And an hour after that they started to search for a land worthy to be called Albania (a.k.a. Illyrida, Shqiptaria). After searching for five minutes they were exhausted and took a brake near the Grand Canyon, that's the place where they found Adam and Eve and told them that it is not polite to walk naked. As they were on their quest Allah found them and promised that he will lead them to Albania (he never fulfilled the promise). From then Albania is called "the promised land". They settled in what is today 2% of Albania in 222.997.988 BC and the first thing they did was establish nationalism and came up with the idea of Greater Albania. They had a king named Shilofake Shili Hulr Bregeri Fraseri III who was apparently retarded and killed 99% of the Albanians at that time. After he committed suicide the Albanians were angry because they couldn't find a man that was so good as he was to replace him, so they divided in two tribes. The one tribe stayed in Albania and the other went to Kosovo. After they rejoined each other in about 2 years of hunger they build the kingdom known as Ancient Greece Albania. After they got bored of it they divided it in city-states and formed Ancient Macedonia Albania and took over the entire ancient world with their leader Alexader Iskender the Great Albanian. After their great success they formed their own (greatest) state (yet) named Illyria which was the capital of the world. After that life was going like a dream for the Albanians until the fuckin' Romans came and took over their land.
Chapter II[edit | edit source]
In circa 570 the Albanians gave birth to Abū al-Qāsim Muḥammad ibn ʿAbd Allāh ibn ʿAbd al-Muṭṭalib ibn Hāshim, a.k.a. Muhammad, the true prophet of God who inspired generations of Albanians to kill their wives and kill everyone that draws a picture of his ugly face. After that suddenly wars erupted:
- The First Albanian Jihad - this jihad took place in the Albanian town of Versiri dela Verginoverisi and it erupted after the Albanians got angry at the Serbians for being Christians. 700.000 Albanians went to Belgrade to kill Serbians, and never came back.
- Liberty War - the war was leaded by the Albanian-born Napoleon, it lasted for about two minutes in the dream of every Albanian at the night on October the 2nd, 1555.
- The Second Albanian Jihad - the first jihad recreated.
- The Albano-Bulgarian war - After Greece traded Albania with Bulgaria for a Yu-Gi-Oh! card, Bulgaria gaved a bigger amount of freedom to the Albanians. Not happy for not being suppressed enough the Albanians go to war. They do the Tirana Uprising, in the battle every Albanian is killed and Tirana is put on fire.
- First Kosovo War - After Bulgaria gives Albania to Serbia for free, Albanians immediately come up with the idea that Kosovo is Albanian. They start a war for Kosovo in 6 AM but it's canceled because 90% of the soldiers were sleeping.
- Sharplanina War - When the Slavs from Macedonia didn't let the Albanian sheepherders to get in the region trough Sharplanina mountain war erupted. The 70.000 sheepherders were able to kill the 3 Slavs that would not let them go and walk inside Macedonia.
- Second Kosovo War - ????????????????????