User:Turb0-Sunrise/sandbox
Turb0-Sunrise the XXVI | |
|---|---|
| — Uncyclopedian male — | |
 GO SOX! | |
| Name | Turb0 J. Sunrise |
| Nationality | American |
| Country | United States of Motherfuckin' 'Murica |
| Languages | American English, Bostonian |
| Time zone | Boston |
| Current time | Current time for UTC-4 is 22:32 |
| Ethnicity | Boston |
| Race | Bostonian |
| Height | 5'8 |
| Weight | 115 roast beefs |
| Hair | sorta brownish-blonde |
| Eyes | Depends on the day |
| Handedness | Left |
| Blood type | Unknown |
| Sexuality | yes |
| IQ | -207 |
| Personality type | INTP |
| Family and friends | |
| Marital status | Yeah RIGHT! |
| Spouse | Wishful thinking, buckeroo |
| Girlfriend | Bullshit |
| Children | HA! |
| Siblings | None |
| Pets | some |
“FUCK OFF!”
“FUCK OFF!”
“FUCK OFF!”
“FUCK OFF!”
“FUCK OFF!”
The referee (homo retardus) is a sub-species of human
Physical Description[edit | edit source]
Referees vary in size, averaging between 150 and 180 centimetres (5 ft-6 ft) tall, and weighing between 54 and 83 kg (120-183 lbs). Referees possess many defence mechanisms, such as a whistle and red/yellow cards. Most referees are blind, so never get a single decision right, however, studies have shown that these referees go on to be the most successful.
They are naturally very protective of sportsballers, blowing whistles and flashing cards whenever the slightest of contact occurs between them. This has led to some sportsballers abusing this reflex, falling down when they enter a zone called the penalty area.
Some referees have evolved a way of dealing with this, by flashing a yellow card at the falling person. Many referees have devised complex confusion tactics, such as the Offside rule to deter predators.
Life cycle[edit | edit source]
The birth of a new referee is an unknown process. Scientists have attempted research, but all of them got lost in concentration camps.
A referee's first known experience is to attend a training course, where they learn the ideals of the Nazi Party, are told to book any players who are not Aryan and how to disguise Nazi salutes behind coloured cards.
Most referees then proceed to taking charge of local Sunday league games such as Charlton Athletic vs. Portsmouth and Hull City vs. Accrington Stanley. A select bunch move on to become assistant referees in the County leagues, before they eventually become the man in the middle.
An even smaller number move up to take charge of Premier League games. Then one is chosen to go to the World Cup and fuck up on the international stage. This referee will most likely give the same person 3 yellow cards and be sent home in disgrace.
Subspecies[edit | edit source]
The National Hockey League Referee (H. R. canadius) Not much is known about life after refereeing, because nobody gives enough of a shit to find out. Many scientists predict that after a referee's career has ended they teleport back to 1933, where they will join Adolf Hitler in creating a new set of referees.
Predators[edit | edit source]
The referee has a small number of natural predators. The most common is Cristiano Ronaldo, who tries to seek sympathy from the referee by crying all the time, before he seals the deal by falling over in the aforementioned penalty area. Didier Drogba also uses the same technique to destroy referee's reputations.
Other predators include Wayne Rooney, who deafens his pray with excessive shouting, and Sir Alex Ferguson. Many referees try to appease Sir Alex by adding on 10 minutes of injury time whenever Manchester United are losing.
'The Referee's a wanker'[edit | edit source]
By studying referees, scientists have managed to prove beyond doubt that masturbation does, in fact, cause blindness.
Are you blind ref!?[edit | edit source]
Yes. For asking that question in the first place, that's a strike three, 15-yard personal foul penalty on the fans, red card, ball will be tipped off for a corner kick power play, and an automatic win for your opposing team.
CHEAT! CHEAT! CHEAT![edit | edit source]
Referees are often accused of cheating, but almost never do. They abide by the following set of rules while officiating:
- The referee is always right.
- If the referee is wrong, see Rule 1.
This often causes players to argue with the referee, which in turn makes the referee deploy his defence mechanisms. Usually, the whistle is used first, in an attempt to startle the approaching players. If this fails, the referee goes to his pocket and flashes a yellow card at one of the players. The cautioned player then starts crying and runs off to Mummy. Sometimes, the referee uses the Offside rule as a confusion tactic, before he makes a break for the centre circle. The Offside rule can not be understood by any living person or the most powerful supercomputer.
See also[edit | edit source]
Here at Uncyclopedia, we're pretty loose on what we let you do. Sexual, insulting, and racist (to an extent) humor are all good. But there's one thing we don't like. It wrecks us from the inside out. That's right, brainrot is evil.
Why it sucks[edit | edit source]
Brainrot is some of the unfunniest stuff around. Most Gen Alphas[1] Believe brainrot is the new messiah.
Valley Girl[edit | edit source]
So, like, Vally Garllll is this, like, accent thing, from, like L.Aaaay and stuff, and, its, like, sooooo dumb and stuff
By Turb0-Sunrise
The 2025 Atlantic hurricane season's newest fuck-buddy, TropicalPanther Storm Melissa, has formed, and is expected to hit just about anywhere from Costa Rica to Florida. Give it to Florida! HIT MIAMI! Or just do nothing and give some Caribbeans a bath whether they like it or not.Yonkagor Sucks, Panther!
By Turb0-Sunrise
TropicalPanther's newest childish obsession, the furry/musician[citation needed] Yonkagor, is getting out of hand. Panther's escapades include attempting to turn LPTEW into a forum about it, among other things. What Panther doesn't realize, is that even though I've never even heard of it, I can already tell that it sucks.
Gerg nommed for admin, does not go well
By Turb0-Sunrise
Notable[Saw it on the discovery channel] user Gergdown has been nommed for adminship by yours truly. It's not going so well. Somehow, it sits at 0, and get this: Gerg hasn't even voted for himself yet.
"Erm, actually, if you check everybody's noms on VFS, nobody actually has voted for themselves yet 🤓 also give me half an year and then nom me again 🤓 🤓 🤓" — Gergdown
Biopic
- how does water taste in New England -IP man
- Yankee hatred and a little bit of rust
- are you a aviation enthusiast? -Soviet
- Not really, but planes are cool I guess.
- More questions?
- Yes, Gerg.
- Are you unemployed? -Soviet
- Squirrel!
- '
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week Moccasins (10.5/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News
Quote(s) of the Week It skids over the sea like Jesus on crack. -OPOSSUM
Howto:Speak Bostonian[edit | edit source]
Florence, Oregon Whale Explosion[edit | edit source]
On November 9, 1970, a dead sperm whale washed up on a Florence, Oregon, beach.
Preperations[edit | edit source]
Instead of people who knew what the hell they were doing, the city sent out the fucking highway department to handle it. They actually thought that a bunch of guys who do absolutely nothing in terms of fixing potholes, and might actually be placing more potholes, could blow up a whale.
The explosion[edit | edit source]
Mood Swings[edit | edit source]
Hey, it's a great day to tell you about mood swings. the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and it's going to rain tomorrow, just like the rain inside my soul. My life is pointless, there is nothing worth living for. Anyways, let me tell you about them.
UnTunes: Codine's Mom[edit | edit source]
To the tune of "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne
UnNews: A dingo ate my baby[edit | edit source]
- ↑ And to a lesser extent, Gen Z