User:Phroziac/Republic of Lee Kingdom
- This page is about the country of Singapore as it exists in an alternate timeline where the Soviet Union has defeated the United States in becoming an economic powerhouse. For the country in Normal Continuity, see Singapore.
| ||||
| National motto: Majulah Kingdom Lee (Malay: Onward, Lee Kingdom) | ||||
| Official languages | Engrish, Chinese (Mandarin), Māori and UFO Language | |||
| National language | Māori | |||
| Capital | Lee Kingdom | |||
| Emperor Emeritus 太上皇 | Lee Kuan Yew | |||
| Emperor | Lee Hsien Loong | |||
| Area - Total - % water | Ranked 174th 692.7 km² 1.444% | |||
| Population - Total (July 2003 est.) - Density | Ranked 115th 4,608,595 6751/km² | |||
|
GDP
|
$25,200 | |||
| Independence - Date | From Me August 66, 66666666 From Malaysia August 9, 1965 | |||
| Currency | Lee Kingdom Dollar (LK$, LKD) | |||
| Time zone | UTC +8 | |||
| National anthem | Majulah Kingdom Lee | |||
| Internet TLD | .Lee | |||
| Calling code | 69 | |||
The Republic of Lee Kingdom (Chinese: 李光耀共和国, Pinyin: Lǐguāngyào Gònghéguó; Malay: Republik Kingdom Lee; Tamil: லீ குடியரசு, Lee Kudiyarasu), is an island city-state in Southeast Asia, at an unknown latitude, situated on the southern tip of Malay Peninsula, south of the state of Johor of Peninsular Malaysia and north of the Indonesian islands of Riau. It is also known by its former name 'Empire of Singapore' and the 'Empire of the Great Lee'.
About Lee[edit | edit source]
Born in 1923, He was a man who was NOT in Sinagpore when WWII hit. Apparently he was in a worse place called Britain. He worked towards the formation of an Orang Laut-led country before the Northern Bandits turned on him and left him in a pre-globalised world.
As a young country with no "common market", no natural resources, and facing the looming Red Communist tide. He decided to mine his ONLY natural resources: His Human Resources. By taking on a political system known as "autocracy" disguised as "democracy" for the next 4 decades, he had full control over his people. If the country had fallen into Malayan Communist Party hands under the administration of the People's Republic of China at that time it would most probably been more democratic then it is today. Lee's ideology or 'Leeism' was a mixture of the worst from both the capitalist and communist ideologies. From capitalist ways such as maximum exploitation and sucking money from her subjects to communist-style ISA which was reminiscent of the Soviet Union's NKVPD. It was said that the rule which was so oppressive that it made Stalin's reign of Russia seem democratic.
Using various silk-gloved-iron-handed means, like a Kingdom-controlled media, a "world-class merged University", he proceeded to turn out generations after generations of capitalist slaves, working towards a "gracious" society. The plan apparently worked well, as the Kingdom's people are known as one of the most quiet yet hardworking workforce in the world.
While studying in Cambridge, Lee challenged the famous Oscar Wilde to a gay-off, and won.
History[edit | edit source]
The Lee Kingdom happened when Lee Kuan Yew came in 1959 and said "I AM THE ONE, WORSHIP ME", and, to quote the famous national song, "and they did". And so it happened. The rest, they say, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY.
Politics[edit | edit source]
Lee Kingdom has an extreme stalinist democracy-style political system reminiscient of the Soviet Union during the Cold War and the Bolshevik Period. Perhaps this was what Harry Truman was referring to in his doctrine. It is essentially a state which "relies upon terror and oppression, a controlled press and radio; fixed elections, and the suppression of personal freedoms. " However, it is obvious that containment policy does not work in the Kingdom.
In this political system though, there is a Monarchy-styled way of ruling. Now, the current Head-of-State, Monarch, Czar, Emperor, King, Majesty, Royal Person, Chief, Prime Minister or President, Lee Kuan Yew's son, Lee Hsien Loong, who is in-charge of Singapore, is the heir-apparent to the Kingdom. But Lee has made The Holy Goh as the next one in line. Political Analysts says that this is to keep people from knowing that there is no Lee Dynasty. But if one remove The Holy Goh from the picture, one can see that it is the Lee Dynasty that is ruling for the past decades under the guise of PAP.
It is interesting to note that chief propaganda spreader Dick "head" Lee, has actually composed a song celebrating the Lee's success with Singapore.
He has a vision for tomorrow,
We must believe, in PM Lee.
He has a dream for Singapore,
He will succeed, He's PM LEE.
Anything he wants he'll get,
Or he'll give you one tight slap
Cos you see, his father's you know who
Not Lee Kuan Me, but Lee Kuan Yew
Count on him, SingaShits
Count on him, SingaShits,
Count on him and Minister Mentor,
And don't go to China anymore.......
In practice, politics is dominated by the People's Action Party which has ruled since "Independence". Over the years the PAP has instituted several harsh laws that discourage and impede the creation and success of effective opposition parties. Furthermore, it has always claimed that the elections are "walkovers", and has never actually held an election since 1959. This is even worse than Stalin, who at least tried to hold fake elections to appease the Allied powers.
In recent years, with the emergence of anal opposition that hammers its own country. It can be a thankful thing to have walkovers as it spares the citizens the agony of having to cast votes.
The mode of government is perhaps closer to true stalinist democracy than authoritarianism. Paradoxically (for political scientists), Lee Kingdom has a highly successful, corruption-free, and transparent planned economy. Lee Kingdom is officially known by the Euphemism "the DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF Lee Kingdom". And, we all know that countries with democratic in their name are always far from being so.
Economy[edit | edit source]
Lee Kingdom enjoys a highly developed and successful command economy, characterised by a remarkably protectionist but corruption-free environment, unreasonably high and unchanging prices, and one of the highest per capita GDPs in the world (thought it is often disputed that these figures have been fabricated by the government), as well as an iron grip of owning literally every thing on the Singapore Stock Exchange. The economy depends heavily on exports of the Communist Manifesto, Das Kapital, The Quotations of Chairman Mao and other communism and stalism related books, in attempts to convert countries to their style of politcal rule.
The GDP per capital income in 2003 - US$23,700 (est.) with an unemployment rate hovering around 5% in the same year.
The Economic Review Committee (ERC), set up in December 2001, made key recommendations to remake Lee Kingdom into:
- a globalised economy where Lee Kingdom is the key node in the global network, linked to all the major economies;
- a creative and entrepreneurial nation willing to think of new ways to risk their lives to smuggle books into anti-communist US
- a country which continues bootlicking the major powers in the world
- an economy which seems to be nice to the US, while breeding communists to infiltrate them
- explotiting her people to the maximum, and expecting everything from nothing
Science[edit | edit source]
Centralised control of the economy allows Lee Kingdom to easily pursue ambitious research programs. In early 2000s Lee Kingdom invested several billion dollars into research into nuclear physics, atomic physics and weapons research. In addition, it is currently also looking into the area of bio-warfare and the use of micro-organisms to attack other countries. In order to achieve this aim, it has invited top notch Iranian, Korean and Libyan scientists to create the best weapons in the world. Apparently this scientific ambition will soon be moving into the economic realm.
Below are some of the renowned scientists that have been invited to conduct weapons research:
Geography[edit | edit source]
Lee Kingdom's main territory is a diamond-shaped piece of island, if it was not connected to the city of Johor Bahru in the state of Johor (Malaysia) by a man-made causeway to the north. This causeway was to be replaced through the construction of a new bridge to Johor Bahru, but the Malaysian government, in a heroic bid ensure that at least one road in the more advanced Lee Kingdom was still old and ugly, decided to save their money and leave the ugly bridge there. Lee Kingdom also has dozens of smaller islands, of which Jurong Island, Pulau Tilang, Pulau Ubin and Sentosa are the largest. Lee Kingdom is now in a serious dispute with Malaysia about who has the Southern-most plot of land in Mainland Asia. Lee Kingdom has a strip of land attached to Sentosa by a bridge, which in turn is attached to Mainland Lee Kingdom by a bridge, which is in turn attached to Mainland Asia by a bridge. Since Lee Kingdom basically consists of one political party , there are no further administrative divisions, except for the imperial town administrative offices also known as Group Representative Committees (GRCs)
Additional links to Malaysia include pipes for transmission of "water", including heavy water and other radioactive material including uranium, plutonium and enriched nuclear isotopes of various other experimental nuclear elements. There also seems to be nuclear missiles hidden underground, disguised as pipes, and sometimes, in the pipes.
Demographics[edit | edit source]
Just as New Zealand has more sheep than people, the Lee Kingdom has more people than there are brains to go around. Consequentially the population is diverse, 90% of which claim to be from Hezbollah, JI, Al-Qaeda, etc. hired by Lee himself to fill the brain drain.
Education[edit | edit source]
External links[edit | edit source]
- www.talkingcock.com The TRUE news of Singapore.
- www.thestraittimes.com A parody of Singapore news.
- Singapore through Singaporean eyes
 | This page was originally sporked from Wikipedia:Wikipedia:WARNING:Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense ahead#From User_talk:Ycmak2004 which in turn was originally sporked from the Wikipedia article on Singapore |