UnVoyage:Pripyat

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WARNING: UnVoyage is not responsible for any mutations that happen during your stay at Pripyat, including the growth of a third penis.

Pripyat is a beautiful and prosperous city in the north of Ukraine. It is a located near the Pripyat River, a river popular with swimmers and famous for it's odd green color. Pripyat is a popular destination for tourists who are interested in the Ukrainian culture, nature and wildlife. It is also home to many famous people, including Strelok. The resorts are very well maintained, and the locals have a very good sense of hospitality.

Background

Just look at these beautiful buildings!

Pripyat was built in the 1970s by the USSR, who thought that there wasn't enough depressing commie block towns in the north of Ukraine. And they were right. Once people started moving in, the USSR proceeded to build the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant, which did have a little accident back in the 80's. Pripyat was not very affected by this disaster, and after the collapse of the USSR, it became a cultural hub for all Northern Ukrainians and wild dogs to gather.

Get in

By car

You can enter Pripyat by simply driving through 5 security checkpoints. The guards are very friendly and will let you in, even without a permit.

Illegally

You're probably a hardcore fan of S.T.A.L.K.E.R. if you choose this way to enter Pripyat. But basically, what you wanna do is-

By plane

Just remember, if you choose Chernobyl Airlines, this is what you'll be flying on.

You can enter Pripyat by booking a flight on Chernobyl Airlines. The flight comes once a month, and it's also flown on really old communist-engineered aircraft from the 1960's, and only two flights made it to Pripyat last year. But they say air travel is safe, so if that's true, then you'll probably be fine. Right?

Do

• The Pripyat Amusement Park is fun for the whole family. With a bumper car ride, a ferris wheel, and even a "paratrooper" ride, whatever that is. You'll probably find something you'll like.
• If you like swimming, then the Azure Swimming Pool is the place for you. Granted, it might not have water in it, but if you have a strong imagination, you can probably convince yourself that there's water in it. Just don't look down or else you'll fall to the bottom. I mean, come on, have you people learned ANYTHING from Tom and Jerry?
• If you want to swim in real water, then you can head over to the Pripyat River. With it's stunning green water and it's odd smell, it makes a fascinating tourist site. And if you're lucky enough, you'll walk out of the water with a new body part! Or even a new body entirely. Oh, yeah, and you can go fishing in there too, if you're a fan of radioactive food.
• If you're the athletic type, then you might want to head to the basketball court. Full of fun players! And, yes, the dude who was using telekinesis was banned from entering the area. So you don't have to worry about him anymore.

Hotels and restaurants

The Polissya Hotel is a cheap, but beautiful hotel located in the heart of the city.

The Polissya Hotel is a cheap place to sleep, but with luxurious rooms like no other. Inside the hotel you will find the Polissya Cafe. The cook is world renowned cook, David, a stray dog with 5 legs and 3 snouts. Nobody knows why he's in there, or how he got a job, but the food tastes pretty damn good, according to some guy I interviewed. Right across the Polissya is the rival hotel, Hotel ███████, that shut down three years ago and was supposed to be demolished by now, but people still see lights and people through the glass of the hotel. Nobody knows what goes on inside Hotel ███████. Nobody talks about Hotel ███████. Let's just forget about Hotel ███████ and move on.

The restaurant choices in Pripyat are pretty good. McDonalds has a location in Pripyat, and so does McJesus. Because the mutants need God too. Subway has opened a location in the city, probably in the local Lowe's or Home Depot. Aside from the glorious capitalist restaurants, there are also some local ones too, like the Pripyat Soup Kitchen, where the food is seasoned with the highest quality uranium dust.. . maybe that's why i feel sick..

Wildlife

The wildlife in Pripyat consists exclusively of stray dogs.

Go next

• Fukushima
• Kyiv
• How about you get out of Europe and head on over to Glorious Americaland?

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