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UnNews:Chevy Chase, Maryland, to change name to Bill Murray

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Monday, July 9, 2018

Legendary comedian Cornelius "Chevy" Chase after hearing the news.

CHEVY CHASE, Maryland -- The city of Chevy Chase (no relation to legendary comedian Cornelius Crane "Chevy" Chase) voted 270-138 Tuesday to change their name to Chase's longtime rival, Bill Murray.

City mayor Barney "Not the Dinosaur" Rush "Not the Band" commented Thursday on the unusual decision to change their name.

“Mr. Chase was great in SNL, Caddyshack, Fletch, and two of the four Vacation movies. Oh, wait, I forgot about the fifth one, but that was a cameo, so it doesn't really count. But after a while, he made a few duds like John Carpenter's Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Man of the House, Cops & Robbersons, Vegas Vacation, and dare I mention that horrible talk show [1993's The Chevy Chase Show]. Simply put, he's past his prime and we, the city of Chevy Chase, are embarrassed to bear his name. Murray, on the other hand, is still a relevant and popular working actor. He's gone from Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, Larger Than Life, and Space Jam… to higher brow affair such as Lost in Translation, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Aquatic Life of Something or Another, and let's not forget his cameo in Zombieland. Mr. Chase, you need to step it up a little! You're almost as forgotten as Rick Moranis!”
– Barney Rush
The new namesake of Chevy Chase, Maryland.

Murray has yet to comment. However, Chase is "flabbergasted" at the move and has a message for the mayor.

“Hey! If any of you are looking for any early birthday gift ideas for me, I have one. [Chase's birthdate is October 3, 1943] I'd like Barney Rush, Mayor of Chevy Chase, Maryland, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy Fourth of July holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?”

"I don't care who it is," says Lorne Michaels, "but I want somebody, some town somewhere, to share its name with an SNL cast member. A good one. Not Charles Rocket, Gilbert Gottfried, or (as much as I love Weinerville) Marc Weiner. I would like to apologize in advance to the city of Peter Aykroyd, Texas, and to the city of Jim Belushi, Michigan."

The name change will officially take effect January 1, 2019.

Bill FUCKING Murray.gif


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