UnNews:Britain threatens to revoke independence if Trump wins election
Tuesday, November 8, 2016
BUCKINGHAM PALACE, London -- Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has announced that Great Britain will revoke America's independence if Republican Presidential nominee Donald Trump wins Tuesday's highly-anticipated -- and polarizing -- election.
"Enough is enough," Her Majesty said in a video posted on the Royal Family's official Vine. "If Donald John Trump wins your country's election, we will have no choice but to void your Declaration of Independence, Constitution, and all laws pertaining -- and revert your colonies back to English rule. I honestly wish we had done so for that Bush fellow. But after that Bama-Lama fellow or whatever his name is, I forgive you. This election, there is only one qualified candidate. Either way, it will be a woman... and it will not be Jill Stein."
The Queen has largely steered clear of American politics, but given the nature of this election, she decided "fuck it."
"There is far too much at stake for you to screw this one up," she says.
Prince Charles agrees.
"It's one thing for me to have an affair or to marry more than once," he says. "But when you're intending to be the leader of the so-called 'free world,' that is quite alarming. I voted for that Sanders fellow anyway, and I cannot even vote in your country. Yet."
Trump's plans if elected (he won't be) are to give everybody guns, kick out Mexican immigrants, build a wall across the Mexican border, kick out Muslims and ban them from entering the country, upholding Citizens United, repealing Obamacare, abolishing Roe v. Wade, even more tax cuts for the wealthy (which didn't work for either Bush 41 or 43), bring the economy to its knees again, prosecute all opposition, and possibly start World War III.
Here at UnNews, we believe in pushing a liberal agenda. I'd do what Her Majesty says and vote for Hillary Clinton.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Clive Anderson "Queen Elizabeth Promises To ‘Take Back America’ If Trump Elected" BBC, May 23, 2016
