A straitjacket (spelled straightjacket, in United Kingdom, Canada, and Australia; sheer jihad mummification jacket in the Islamic People's Republic of America) is a highly stylish jacket worn by crazy people, serial rapists, people who enjoy "sex" games, total sissies, and so called "master" illusionists. Wearing a straitjacket can give some nice comfort to wear in exchange that the person who wears no longer would be to use his or her arms (and cannot take it of unless someone is around the room who no one gives a damn fuck on anyways). Or in some cases that if one unable to control his or her arms and one's hands have desire to wield a gun or sword, a straitjacket can be the answer to that kind of problem. The materials used in straitjackets can be made from dead cow skins or poisonous cotton candy.
The History behind the straitjacket[edit | edit source]
The straitjacket was thought up at some time during the 1800s or so. Doctors used them to calm the nerves of their patients.Somewhere at some time, some guy came up with a solution on how to control the nutcases. The so-called "innovation" idea that would not only control the idiot but making the idiot look pretty. So, that guy invented the straitjacket (called strait-waistcoat in the old school times). Despite the fact straitjackets make the wearer not able to use the arms, at least the person can still walk around (unless for some reason, the person can't control the legs, in this case, the person's legs get tied up).
The "secret" behind the "illusionist" straitjacket escape[edit | edit source]
There is a secret behind those "straitjacket escapes." However, under the "illusionist code," no one in this world knows the secret except illusionists. How do they do this kind of shit I don't know. Many people say that the illusionists either skillful agility or green aliens from outer space who are extremely flexible. No one can get one's self out of the straitjacket. It might be the fact either the design of the straitjackets sucks, or it can only be done by illusionists who are high.
On the other hand, illusionists tend to use highly edited holograms and no one really notices it. Even so, if anyone plans to do this, it's impossible. Doing so would result cranberry juice coming out of your mouth and God sending the loser to hell. Remember kids, don't try this at home and leave to the so-called "expert" illusionists
How the wear a straitjacket[edit | edit source]
Wearing a straitjacket is easy. First, start by putting it on and putting the arms through the long sleeves that don't have openings for the hands. Then ask someone to pull the long giant strap from the back. Let the stylish arms wrap around you and WAH-LA! You are now straitjacketed (Unless if certain shit goes wrong, it ends up having the guy attempting to wear the straitjacket get some pretty bad pain from hell).
Health cautions[edit | edit source]
Many health experts say that leaving someone in a straitjacket can be a pain in the ass. Some of those people say that elbows would grow as big as an elephant and hands would be frostbitten without any cranberry juice going through the veins. However, these claims are not just erroneous, but also total claims of such presumptuousness that any sane person would realize that it is really a lack of better ideas surfacing in the minds of critics. Anyone can wear the straitjacket as long as they want. One month. Two months. In fact, the highest record of someone wearing a straitjacket is the sugar-addicted Scientologist with a record of 9 years and 6 months (and still going). If one sees blood coming out of the arms, it can probably be a simple side affect of one's delusions and, possibly, a sham.
Some jackets have additional locks and restraints. Again, health experts say it still is bad for you in case of emergency. For all you so called "experts", here is a catch: no one gives a damn if anyone got a seizure and is under a straitjacket.
Straitjacket in fashion[edit | edit source]
Straitjackets can be used to suppress the losers but it is also fashion. Many people dye their straitjackets in different colors (brown, black, and white are the popular colors). Some straitjackets can come in tie-dye. Other higher- quality straitjackets have the smell of sweet crazy-sweat emanating from the armpits. Mostly, people that wear straitjackets also wear in combination with skirts, gas masks, ninja masks, two swords on the back, shackles on the ankles, feet tied up together, high-heels for prostitutes, capes for the so called "illusionists," and/or duct tape on the mouth.
See also[edit | edit source]
|Methods of Torture
|Catholic Mass | Gay Bars | Liberal Media | Oprah | Transcription | Elevators
|Tech Support | The French | Tofu | Homework | Iron Maiden | Nyan cat
|Spanish Inquisition | Straitjacket | The Von Stauberg Institute | Wikipedia