Scratch
“F4F?”
Scratch is subjectively the best programming language and website in the whole interwebs. Here's why.
History[edit | edit source]
Scratch began in 2003, when some MIT guys saw a random thing that some people at the Lifelong Kindergarten Group made, they said "That's pretty good", so development began, and after nearly 500 years of work, Scratch was released in 2500 A.D. This is when time travel was invented, so they decided to take their Scratch thing back to the year 2007, where it was released as "1.0"
Scratch 1.0[edit | edit source]
Scratch 1.0 was the original version that was very 2007-like, because it was released in 2007. this version was very simplistic, and was probably the most simple. it didn't contain very many features.
Scratch 2.0[edit | edit source]
This was considered by many to be the best version of scratch. it was also weird, putting it's "stage" section on the left for some reason. it added many new features to scratch, like new blocks, blocks, and blocks, as well as a vector sprite editor.
Trash Scratch 3.0 (aka the one that made everyone mad)[edit | edit source]
Scratch 3.0 is subjectively and objectively the worst, as 9 out of 10 schoolchildren have said "It looks too childish!" (yet the Scratch team deliberately designed it to be too childish even for 7-months-old toddlers), and it also was just generally more bad. The most bad feature of Scratch 3.0 is the broken .sb2 (made in Scratch 2.0) projects that somebody wasted a whole lot of hours on (so he will need to (a) re-make them again and again or (b) find something more productive to do with his valuable time). Luckily, a playable version can still be received via Forkphrous, A.K.A. the Anti-3.0 project. Forkphrous's only advantage against Turbowarp (another project that tries to run Scratch as quick as it can and trying to kill off Forkphrous so that it buffs Scratch 3.0) is that it can support the 2.0 project; otherwise, it's just absolute trash. They also changed the site colors to blue and purple, which nobody liked at all. Some angry 14-year olds lead by Dwayne "Little Rock, Arkansas" Johnson tried to protest it with a new color: slightly darker blue. But the ST's an ass, so obviously they didn't implement it. Because they never do.
Programming language[edit | edit source]
Yes, Scratch is a programming language made for little toddlers that are too stupid to understand even the most basic of programming languages. Yes, Scratch can be considered on the same level as C++, Ruby, or Brainfuck, for god's sake! Code is "written" by dragging different boxes called "blocks" that act as different parts of the code. This way, little children can make vidja games that make the author of this very article you're reading right now want to stab their eyes out for how fucking ugly they look most of the time.
Website[edit | edit source]
Scratch is also a Social platform for children programming site that behaves more like DeviantART for children than an actual educational site (.edu). It allows users who act like 9-year-olds to comment useless shit on smarter people's work that they spent 50 hours on.
Anyone can make projects, differing in quality from strait-up trash which gets banned right away to semi-playable/watchable games and animations (and they aren't fully playable game like GameSalad or whatever just because scratch want to acts like .edu site so they are not suspicious). You can set up your DeviantART Scratch profile page to have some stuff on it. This stuff includes imformation like emergency phone number, age, purpose of existence, and what you're currently working on. Its most representative symbol is its mascot, called Neigh Pony Scratch Dog Cat.
The people who run the website are known as the Scratch Team (abbreviated as ST), who are actually evil kittehs who want to take over the world using energy units. Due to this, the ST places an energy unit tax on all Scratch projects depending on how complex they are, and they extract 100% of them. People who make simple projects or straight up trash are banned by the ST due to not giving them enough energy units and placed into a giant dungeon where banned people, animals, and inanimate objects are held.
Wiki[edit | edit source]
Scratch has its own wiki, named the Scratch Wiki, that attempts to have content on weird and random humor but fails abysmally. On April Fools Day every year, its content is replaced by factual information. But why? Is it just a prank? Nobody knows.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
One of the biggest controversies on Scratch is probably the Warriors book series, as well as just cats and art in general. People[who?] say that "a lot of people[who?] coming to Scratch see it as an art site, or a Warriors fan site." People[who?] also say that people[who?] should not just put art on Scratch in things like art dumps and other stuff. However, this argument is stupid, as Scratch can be used to make anything you want, and you can be whoever you want on Scratch.
Scratch 3.0 trashed the entire site and got so many people mad over a kids website. User "▉▉▉▉▉▉" (identity withheld for legal reasons) allegedly created the Thanos Cat PFP trend as a puerile joke to spread their peaceful protest over this children's platform. The Scratch Team gave him Scratch-Team rank for his great achievement.
Some Scratchers also tried to stop advertising by making some unwanted collab project and basically took over the trending page single-handedly. The rules were changed but they started enough flame wars to burn down a major city. This was considered one of the greatest military successes in the history of the world and every member got a Nobel Peace Prize and a gold sticker.
The harsh reality is, User "▉▉▉▉" (identity withheld for legal reasons) is very likely a hoax.
