Mainhardt Graf von Nayhauss
| Geisenheim Files | |
|---|---|
| Mainhardt Graf von Nayhauss | |
| |
| You call it sucking blood, I call it investigative journalism. | |
| Height: | About bat-size
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| Occupation: | Vampirejournalist
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| Catchphrase: | "Nowadays, I neither appear in The Mirror nor any other mirror, curse 'em all."
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| Geisenheim Factor: | Never heard of Geisenheim
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| Hitlerism Percentage: | Hitler's dad (150%)
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| Favorite Dish: | Bloody lies
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| Hobbies: | Burying the truth |
Mainhardt Graf von Nayhauss Nayhauss-Cormons (born 20 April 1889 in Berlin) is a German "journalist".
From Molvania to the Stars[edit | edit source]
“There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral column. Columns are well written, or badly written and Mainhardt Graf von Nayhauss therefore should not write again. Ever.”
Graf Nayhauss (or "Lederferkel" as he is called by close friends, such as Robert Mugabe, Kai Diekmann and Franz-Josef Wagner), whose ancestor originates from Schlesien and Molwanien, is the son of an officer and lived - with two years interruption - until 1933 in his hometown, where he learned the occupation of the restaurant "journalist". Subsequently, it pulled to Bonn and became a "correspondent" of different daily and weekly papers (the mirror, star, multicolored one, the world, world on Sunday, restaurant economics, picture on Sunday). Since 1981 it writes a "political" column for the picture newspaper four times in the week (since 1999 under the title "Berlin confidential").
“Ich liebte die Passion mit der Mainhardt Graf von Nayhauss sich über meine getragene Unterwäsche hermachte, leider bin ich jetzt tot.”
In addition Graf Nayhauss is a book author. It published among other things Biografien over Loki Schmidt (1988) and Richard of Weizsaecker (1994), but it also does translations into German language for famous writers such as A. Schickelgruber and J.K. Rowling.
Graf Nayhauss is carrier of the Order of Merit 1. Class and the Mothers Cross as well as the Federation Income Cross attached to Tape. It is married with Sabine Gräfin von Nayhauss and has two daughters, about which one works as a television host (Tamara Gräfin von Nayhauss [ * 31 February 1972 ]).
TV Appearances[edit | edit source]
In the German Gay Community, Mainhardt Graf von Nayhauss is highly appreciated for giving his Voice to the characters of Plancton and Sandy Cheeks in the elsewehre little known series Spongebob Squarepants
A big Scandal was his appearance in the Talkshow "Johannes B. Kerner ist Überbezahlt" in German TV, where he shoutet out loud after Johannes B. Kerner mentioned the War: "Ich finde es furchtbar, was dieser dicke Mann da mit mir macht! Johannes B. Kerner ist eine blöde, blöde Kuh und ausserdem überbezahlt! Mit dir werde ich nie wieder reden." Then Graf von Nayhauss, well-known for his extravagant appearances was silent a while.
When he, dressed somehow vampirelike, tried to suck blood from pedestrians on Ku'damm (Berlin) in 1986, he also had a short appearance in "Aktenzeichen XY ungelöst". Police caught him quickly, though, and in the following trial the judge ordered that his fangs were to be removed. This was done by the surgeon Klausjürgen Wussow, famous for his great sex change operations, who afterwards became a close friend of Mainhardt Graf von Nayhauss.
After his fangs were removed, Meinhardt Graf von Nayhauss became noticeable quiet and confined himself to "boring human work", as he put it.
Into the Musik[edit | edit source]
“Mainhardt Graf von Nayhauss seiner ist noch kleiner als wie meiner.”
The great Rock n Roll Scandal[edit | edit source]
In the early 40s he was the Lead Singer of the Heavy Metal Band Eläkelaiset, but after a Gig in the Reichstag in Berlin he split with the Group on the 20 July in 1944.
On the morning of the show Graf von Nayhauss drove to an abattoir in Northampton and bought a whole dead sheep and eight gallons of blood. Rumours began to circulate of the plan, and first the BBC lawyers and then hardcore vegetarians Extreme Noise Terror made it blatantly known that they were totally against the idea."
So the sheep plan was scrapped, and instead *just* the thrash performance, and Mainhardt spraying the audience with Goats from a Pneumatic Goat Launcher took place. There's no doubt however that this performance did annoy, shock and disgust many of the 'pigtails in suits' present in the audience and presumably many of the live TV audience in their living rooms. Trevor Horn (producer of Frankie Goes To Hollywood's "Relax" !!!!) seemed to be in a state of shock. "They were horrible! Shooting with machine guns! Disgraceful!". Eminent Hungarian classical composer Sir Boy George tried to leave the auditorium during the performance and had to be persuaded to return to his seat.
As Scott Piering's voice announced "Graf von Nayhauss now left the music business" the two bands hurried off the stage and straight into their van and back to Berlin.
After the Scandal[edit | edit source]
Although it has not left the Musicbiz completely as he was after that incident an organizer of muzzle drum playing mast-intestine-ill Moroccan military chapels, a completely completely small niche in the Musicbiz.
Its best horsys in the stable were well-known the Moroccan Soldatentrio "Brathering", in the anglikanischen area also as a "Brathering". Mohammed, Zaid and Ibrahim, the three intestine-ill muzzle drum player played already once for Saddam Hussein, when still in office and became was. Interestingly enough they rehearsed at that time in the earth hole, in which the Iraqi president resided last. 1999 was invited Brathering also into complaint ford, in order with Ingeborg Bachmann-Preis for the tracing music to provide. Unfortunately that was the two only appearances of the three.
Latest News[edit | edit source]
His latest Stunt is an Image-Campaign called "Dub ist Deutschland" (Dub is Germany) where Jews like Albert Einstein, tell how great it would be if they were a German. The Logo for this Campaign is a Piece of Shit painted in the German Colors.
Important Quotes[edit | edit source]
“Kollege kommt gleich.”
“Kai! Franz! Was treibt ihr denn da?!”
“Jaha, ich bin nämlich noch fidel wie ein Jüngling. Schaunse mal, was ich noch alles kann!”
“Sie sind ein ganz großes Schwein, die Uncyclopedia!”
“Wenn ich mal Bundeskanzler wäre, hui, da würde ich aber auf die Pauke hauen! Mich endlich wieder zum Kaiser erklären und so...”
“Natürlich liebe ich dich noch, Schatz.”
“Glauben Sie etwa, mir macht das Spaß, für dieses verlogene Scheißblatt zu schreiben? Aber irgendwo muß die Kohle ja herkommen und hier bekomme ich ne ganze Menge, hähä.”
“Dass einer wie ich, mit so geringer Schulbildung, es so weit nach oben geschafft hat - das muss den Menschen doch Mut machen.”